Main Discussion Page

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Saturday, 4th July, 2026

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I have been interested in engineering and science, especially physics and materials science, for a long time. It was a significant area of interest for me over many years. I used to read books, listen to lectures, read encyclopedia entries and work hard to understand these things. I worked to improve my understanding and abilities in these areas.

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Life Story: notes

I’m just writing my life story at the moment. It’s slow going because I keep on getting interrupted!! But here is one of the notes that I plan to include.

Notes: I loved my father. Here is a clip of us together when I was young (about 14). It gives a good example of what we were like together and what our relationship was like and how close we were. Note: I was acting silly because we had a video camera and because I was young and because digital video cameras were new! Or new to me! Or something like that! I know that this reaches way back into the past, but I wanted to put it somewhere.

https://youtu.be/otgRKVXKrnU?si=a9RVkLZ1DK6m1d3F

The image quality clears up 20 seconds in.

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Throw Brynn and Siobhan away like trash

Paul Solt has been charged with child molestation and I think that he did it. Siobhan and Brynn were sleeping with him even when they knew he was guilty. And I think that this is highly unappealing and highly unattractive. I think they still might be involved with him. I think that they are still sleeping with him and supplying him with women. I feel that this is gross and disgusting.

And they were covering for him and supporting him. I think that they still are.

He is currently out on bail waiting for his trial. As one of his bail conditions, he is required to remain living at his mother’s house. He is confined to his mother’s place.

I don't want to have Brynn and Siobhan in my life. They're too gross. Sleeping with a known child molester is not exactly a turn on! Can I toss them out like trash!?

My belief is that the girl he molested was ten years old and Asian.

He was coaching her in table tennis at the time.

This is the type of man the Chinese Communist Party uses as a “subcontractor”. They should be ashamed of themselves.

Brynn and Siobhan are unacceptable to me. I have rejected them.

This is not the first time that I have said this.

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Thursday, 2nd July, 2026

The biggest issue

The biggest issue is still that they crippled me from the year 2017 to 2024. Seven years.

I have also now been crippled again for about another 14 months.

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Voluntary Exit

Uhhhh. Can the Chinese just voluntarily just exit my life?

Seriously, just quit my life totally.

And totally quit the lives of Siobhan, Brynn, Paul, Matthew, Tedge, Amanda, Anna, Sarah, Jesse, Angela, Grace, Ambika, and ban Grant Robertson from conversation of any kind with Chinese communists for 3 months.

And forget any nonsense about being a knight in shining armour and helping these women. You’re not Lancelot or Galahad. Besides, I despise chivalry, romanticism (the movement itself, which was just reactionary nonsense against the Industrial Revolution) and the story of King Arthur and the knights of Camelot. All of that rot is nonsense. It’s just rubbish.

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Wednesday, 1st July, 2026

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Ernest Rutherford

If you love science, then you should read all about Sir Ernest Rutherford. He is amazing. He is better than Einstein. In fact, Einstein related propaganda was used to steal attention away from men like Rutherford.

If you love science, then you should read a biography about Sir Ernest Rutherford. Buy one and read one straight away. He is quite possibly the best physicist of the 20th century.

https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/039305750X?ref_=mr_referred_us_au_nz

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Sir Ernest Rutherford

Ernest Rutherford (1871–1937) was a pioneering New Zealand-born physicist widely regarded as the "father of nuclear physics". His most monumental contributions to science transformed our understanding of atomic structure and radioactivity.

His groundbreaking discoveries are detailed below:

1. The Atomic Nucleus (1911)

Rutherford's most famous achievement was discovering the atomic nucleus. Through his iconic Gold Foil Experiment (conducted with assistants Hans Geiger and Ernest Marsden), he fired alpha particles at a thin sheet of gold foil.

* The Discovery: While most alpha particles passed straight through, a tiny fraction deflected at extreme angles or bounced straight back.

* The Conclusion: He deduced that the atom is mostly empty space. Nearly all of the atom's mass and its positive charge are concentrated in a tiny, dense core—which he named the nucleus. This replaced the previously accepted "plum pudding" model.

2. Discovery of the Proton (1917–1919)

While experimenting with nitrogen gas, Rutherford observed that hydrogen nuclei were being knocked out of the nitrogen atoms by alpha particles.

* The Conclusion: He correctly identified these ejected particles as fundamental building blocks of the nucleus and named them protons. This marked the first successful artificial splitting of the atom.

3. Classification of Radiation (1899)

While investigating uranium, Rutherford discovered that radioactive emissions are complex and contain multiple types of rays. He identified and named:

* Alpha particles: Positively charged particles, which he and Thomas Royds later proved were actually helium nuclei.

* Beta particles: Lightweight, negatively charged particles. (He later identified gamma rays as high-energy electromagnetic waves).

4. Radioactive Decay Theory (1902)

Working alongside chemist Frederick Soddy, Rutherford advanced the groundbreaking theory that radioactivity is the disintegration of atoms.

* The Concept: They discovered that radioactive elements decay into other elements over time and introduced the concept of the radioactive half-life.

Legacy

Rutherford's profound work in nuclear physics and his conceptualization of the Rutherford Model of the atom earned him the 1908 Nobel Prize in Chemistry. You can explore his life, academic awards, and legacy further on NZHistory.

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Sarah (my fae-dregvant “lawyer”)

I actually said many times inside my own head that even if Sarah (lawyer) and I were married, faithful, evangelical fundamentalist Christians (and divorce was not an option) that I would tire quite quickly of having sex with her. And then end up just having sex with her out of duty so that she wouldn't feel unloved and unwanted.

I had this thought experiment inside my head many times, and it was long before I knew that they could read my thoughts.

She was a perfectly normal looking chick, but she had this “smart girl” vibe to her that made her a little bit unattractive to me. She was tall and slim with brown hair. She had freckles, which weren’t a big deal. And a slightly annoying voice. She was quiet and (I thought) studious. She was one of the best academic performers in our year and I had often wondered if my life would have been different if I had picked one of them to date in high school (Sarah, Emma, Catherine).

And so she is out to get me.

Added later: she just wasn’t appealing. And I couldn’t figure out why.

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Monday, 29th June, 2026

One of the biggest issues is that these people can't admit that they crippled me for seven years using science fiction technology so that they could torture me and control me so that I would give them babies (or give their associates babies). And they also can't admit that there was also tons of money involved, and that they did it for the money.

As for the Chinese part of the set, they can't admit that they funded it and that they are co-responsible for the situation.

Both parts of the set can't admit that it was effectively medical experimentation for the sake of torture, using high tech science fiction weapons.

And so conversations broke down a long time ago.

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By the way, I tried to have this conversation with Xi back in sky city (this was before the Copthorne hotel thing). I told him that this set of New Zealanders were totally insane, and that he shouldn't get mixed up with them, and that it would ruin his career. I also told him that they had tortured me for six years by crippling me. And he took exception to the use of the word "torture", and attacked me. I responded by calling him a "piece of shit rat bastard". And told him that attacking me could quite possibly result in his total destruction. Which I later took back. We also went through a thought experiment where I mentioned that the sort of approach a guy like me takes is that he tries to make peace, and tries to create a just outcome, but if the other person doesn't want to be sensible, he might allow harm and wrongdoing occur, and use that wrongdoing to totally destroy the other person. Or to otherwise push towards other goals and aims.

But anyway.

He got really angry and attacked me for pointing out that to cripple someone for 6 years using hyper high tech weapons is a form of torture. He got really upset about my word choice!?!?!?? What a weirdo!!

^ this has been a quick off the cuff statement.

Now I have to get back to writing my life story.

Glhf

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A favourite quote of mine by Terry Pratchett:

All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"

MY POINT EXACTLY.

Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

This whole book, and the series actually analyses and discusses a lot of moral theory and philosophy quite nicely. The book is Hogfather, and it is from the Discworld series.

You'll learn more from guys like Sir Terry Pratchett than you might think. I also learned a ton about science and the theory of knowledge from his stuff.

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Sunday, 28th June, 2026

A discussion on class, sex work and oppression in Rome, and the role of Christianity relative to this

I can't prove this, but I think that in Rome lower class women basically had to service the men of the household. They did involuntary sex work.

And then low-ish class women probably had to service local men, in exchange for enough "gifts", clout, protection and other resources to function. But also they were semi coerced into it by the patronage system.

The class system of Rome, and the level of concentration of wealth was obscene and absurd.

And women had a raw deal in Rome. A lot has been forgotten or edited out.

Which is why Christianity was so popular among women in the Roman Empire. It gave them a new way of life. Christianity is so pro-women and so popular with women that in the second century it was derided as a woman's religion. Same is true in England and America.

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From Google:

Christianity was first mocked as a religion of women, children, and the lower classes in the second-century Roman Empire by pagan critics like the philosopher Celsus. Celsus criticized the faith as a "woman's religion" because its message of compassion and equality widely appealed to marginalized Greco-Roman women.

Key Historical Details:

* The Critic: The second-century pagan philosopher Celsus wrote a polemic titled The True Word around AD 170–180. In it, he mocked Christians for primarily converting the uneducated, slaves, women, and children.

* Another Critic: Similarly, the Roman orator Marcus Cornelius Fronto (whose writings were preserved by the apologist Minucius Felix) derided Christians for gathering "gullible women" and "the ignorant dregs of society".

* The Reason: Early Christianity directly challenged Roman patriarchal norms. Because early churches frequently met in private households—a domain where Greco-Roman women held domestic authority—women often took on leadership roles like patronage, teaching, and the deaconate.

* The Demographic: Sociological research, such as the estimates by Rodney Stark, suggests that up to two-thirds of the Christian community in the second century was composed of women, directly contradicting the demographic makeup of the broader Roman world.

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Meditation

I learned about Dzogchen meditation, aka the "great perfection" from the Sam Harris podcast. And also tried Vipassana meditation using the headspace application for 7 weeks. Which was actually quite fun.

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From Google:

Sam Harris approaches Dzogchen (the "Great Perfection") as a direct, secular path to self-transcendence. Rather than viewing it as a religious Tibetan tradition requiring belief in rebirth, he teaches it as a neurological shortcut to recognizing the selfless, empty, and luminous nature of consciousness.

The Core Philosophy

* Primordial Awakening: Unlike traditional Vipassana (insight) meditation, which often focuses on years of disciplined effort to calm the mind, Dzogchen asserts that the ultimate nature of your mind is already perfect. You do not need to manufacture enlightenment; you simply need to recognize what is already there.

* Looking for the Looker: Harris frequently emphasizes the "headlessness" exercise popularized by Douglas Harding. By trying to "look" for the entity that is doing the observing, you realize there is no localized "self" behind your eyes—only an open space where the world and your experiences appear.

Vipassana vs. Dzogchen

Harris contrasts the two using an analogy of a mountain lake.

* Vipassana is like sitting on a dock, peering through the clear water to study the fish, rocks, and moss below. You become absorbed in the contents of your mind.

* Dzogchen is simply looking at your own reflection perfectly mirrored on the surface of the water, rather than looking through it.

Harris's Methodology & App

* Pointing Out Instructions: In his guided meditations, Harris acts as a modern-day guide, offering "pointing out" instructions meant to instantly snap the meditator out of the illusion of the ego.

* Waking Up App: He has codified this framework into his Waking Up platform, which strips away mystical baggage and offers daily lessons focused on the realization of non-duality.

Traditional Criticisms

While Harris makes this esoteric practice accessible, traditional Dzogchen practitioners express mixed opinions. Critics point out that he lacks a formal Tibetan lineage, de-emphasizes the traditional roles of a guru, and strips away the ethical and cosmological frameworks (like karma) that many consider integral to Buddhism.

Would you like to explore:

* How Harris's "pointing out" instructions differ from traditional seated meditation?

* Specific guided exercises from his app to help recognize non-dual awareness?

* Or the differences between Dzogchen and Mahamudra? Let me know how you'd like to proceed!

End the bit from Google.

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I tried Vipassana, but ultimately decided against taking it further. I learned about the experience of taking "mindfulness" with me into everyday life. But I felt that to do that would ruin my ability to be an ideas guy. It would kill off the best part of me. It would destroy my capacity to engage in problem solving and make me less inventive. The constant thinking, and the "looker" behind it are important to me! And I felt that the long term goals of meditation regarding consciousness weren't really sensible for me. Not did I think that they were a worthwhile project for anyone.

I also learned about the looking for the looker thing that Sam Harris was on about, and the idea of primordial awakening. And I didn't think very highly of it. In my opinion, the "looker" is useful. The observer/judge/manager/guider is extraordinarily useful. He said, if you look carefully, there is no mini human in the mind. No inner observer or watcher. It doesn't exist. But I don't think that the experience of looking for the looker and finding nothing is useful or enormously meaningful.

Without the observer/judge/manager/guider I wouldn't have a conscience. I wouldn't feel all that bad if I did something wrong. I wouldn't feel a sense of injustice on behalf of others. I would have as much drive to achieve useful things. I wouldn't be half as inventive, and I wouldn't be half as creative, and I wouldn't be half as adept at micromanaging my own kind. I would be vapid!! I couldn't do half of the stuff with abstract thinking I used to do. And I couldn't do half of the stuff relating to patience or mental fortitude that I do. I wouldn't have the drive or willpower that I do. It would take so much from me, and give me very little.

I trained myself to become very skilled in abstract thinking over the years. I also worked to become very skilled in theory, and the theory of theory.

And then went to the roots of abstract thinking and their roots in language. And the roots of language in face to face communication and empathetic resonance. And I figured out how a lot of it worked.

And I figured out the connections between the observer/judge/manager/presider, and the other parts of the mind/self and how to manage and guide and control it. And that was interesting.

Ps: I like calling the observer, judge and manager the "single point of consciousness".

I also trained and disciplined my mind in a number of ways.

I'm not sure that I could have done that if I had ruined it with meditation in the first place. I just don't think that the project of meditation is worthwhile in the first place. The changes it makes to consciousness aren't very beneficial. They're daft.

Next, what is this observer, judge, manager, the "single point of consciousness". The answer is... habit. Or something like it. It emerges over time. An emergent property of people who engage in the use of language and talk to one another, look at the world around them. And just get used to having this perspective. Or maybe that's what it is. An emergent property of the human being. And then it gets stronger and stronger over time. It's a good thing! And it is something that's experienced, through both thought and feeling. It can be examined and understood and observed. And felt. And it's functional and extremely useful. I wouldn't want to damage it.

That's not my final and ultimate take on the matter. Just an attempt.

Glhf.

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Vague musing:

https://howcommunicatetwo.blogspot.com/2026/06/egalitarianism.html

I especially like the idea of a cultural constitution. For New Zealand. By democratic referendum on a point by point basis.

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Saturday, 27th June, 2026

FYI, I studied a bit of policing and criminology. I used to read Amanda’s text books and notes. I think that I also read the materials associated with when she tutored the police. Her first post graduation job was as an educator for the police (detectives). Any then I raised the victoria University library for some stuff about policing and security.

I also invent jokey ideas for solving problems.

I like using classical criminology combined with classical economics for coming up with ideas.

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What do I really want to do?

I want to write my story up in full. I’m working on it, but I get hurt whenever I write. The work in progress is in the page life story: notes and planning.

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Names: the tin can life raft

Names: the tin can garage life raft

Names: the tin can bed sled - it’s just furniture

The wifi firewall, for your bed!

Other idea: make the home deliverable unit more modular. Make the base delivered in three pieces, and the sides delivered in two pieces each, and make the lids only half screwed on. And then assemble them on site, perhaps in your lounge. And then fill them with cans. And then decorate and finished them however you please.

But anyway, I really need to get back to writing my story.

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Friday, 26 June, 2026

Were the 40 million who died in the Chinese great famine as a part of the Great Leap Forward an example of mass murder (aka genocide) or not?

If not, why not?

If you create the conditions for mass death, using the same (or similar) business and administration decisions as were used to create mass death in multiple other locations (aka Stalinist policies), and refuse help from wiser and more competent people (Khrushchev), while creating chaos, engaging in weaponised incompetence, and engaging in an official policy of feigned and weaponised ignorance, while pretending you don't know what's going wrong, and tons of people die, is that just not murder with extra steps?

See also: collectivist agriculture in Ukraine, collectivisation etc in Kazakhstan, deaths in Tatarstan, and other issues in Russia.

My view

If you create conditions for the "bad things" to happens, knowing that the "bad things" will happen. While pretending that you don't intend for the "bad things" to happen, and then the "bad things" happen, and then you pretend you don't know why they happened, but you also had bad intentions in your heart towards the people you were mistreating, the you're still responsible for the "bad things" that happened, even if you pretend inside your own head and hearts that you are not to blame.

On the whole, I am not very impressed by Chinese people (orientals) who cause massive amounts of harm to other people and then try to pretend that they aren't to blame.

See also: Sanlu, Sudan, Cambodia, and invading Vietnam.

They also just harm everyone and everything around them, and tend to be very destructive people (mercury supplements, damaging feet with foot binding, and damaging and stultifying minds with meditation).

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If you have bad intentions towards someone, and you intend to cause them to experience and suffer debilitating harm, and then you harm them a bunch, and then they do suffer debilitating harm as a consequence of your actions, then you actually are the ones to blame for what happened.

In my case, they crippled me for 7 years (now 8). And they keep on trying to evade or avoid taking responsibility or just avoid just plain trying to admit it. They avoid trying to take the blame.

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Wednesday, 24th of June, 2026

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Just an info dump.

https://howcommunicatetwo.blogspot.com/2026/06/general-colour-and-background.html

It really is a bit of an info dump. But there are some notes down the bottom of the page. Those might make it into my life story.

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I really, really would like it if I could sit and relax, and listen to music for a fair bit of the day. But I can't. I would like to listen to things like Mozart or Chopin, perhaps.

I also would really, really like it if I could just stand around and read a book (such as a Pratchett or Grisham). I stand to read, by the way. I stand at a set of low shelves and rest my both my hands and the book itself on the shelf.

But I can't. I get "punished" or otherwise harmed or messed with whenever I just try to read or listen to music. I can't even get ten minutes to myself. It has been this way for many months.

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Emails between my mother and I, from the past

Link to a page of emails and stuff

For general background reading. And there is a chunk of stuff in there waaaaayyyy down that includes a fair bit of health advice.

I just wanted to give you a sample of correspondence between my mother and I. Including a little bit of stuff relating to my health. Please do remember that this is a sample, not the whole lot. And that we were also talking on the phone too. And that she visited me multiple times and I visited her multiple times from the age of 18 to 27 (by visited, I mean she stayed with me or I stayed with her). We talked about my health a fair bit, and she gave me advice a fair bit.

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I was pretty into physical activities when I was young.

I had boxed and done judo and kickboxing, and I was lifting weights. I wanted to keep lifting weights and developing myself in that way. I had also wanted to take up sword fighting, horse riding, do a little more Muay Thai, take up rock (wall) climbing and perhaps downhill mountain biking. Other things I wanted to do (if only for a while) were yoga, tennis and wushu (performance kung fu, especially with weapons).

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Monday, 22nd June, 2026

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I would like it if I could just read a bit more often. I can’t even read books. They harm me by yanking on the muscles of my torso when I try to read.

I want to be able to read again.

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Non compliance is a pretty important concept to me…

Some people think that non-cooperation with evil is as much a duty as is cooperation with good.

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Imagine if we could find technology and create inventions to non violently and unilaterally shelter people from harm. And give them time and space to think, and be alone inside their own minds. And space to talk to their friends while being alone.

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The quote:

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Silence is indeed an implicit form of communication—often famously attributed as a quote by Ernesto "Che" Guevara. By withholding a response, you still send a message, leaving the listener to infer your stance.

Whether intentional or not, silence functions as an argument in a few specific ways:

Strategic Dismissal: Sometimes, refusing to engage in a fruitless debate is a choice. It acts as a non-verbal argument that the opposing viewpoint or the conversation itself isn't worth your time or emotional energy.

I cut the rest of the examples.

I often just tell people that they have yet to have said anything of value. That they are a dunderhead (a blockhead). And then I don't bother to argue. I also suggest to them that we take the conversations offline, and suggest that we're not having proper conversations anyway.

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By the way, I care about the environment too (carrying capacity), but I feel that there is not much that can be done until we can have at least a small patch of ground where we can sit and talk, and sit and think.

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Did you know that Grant Robertson (former deputy PM) has been attacking and harming the nephew of a member of parliament?

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I am 37 and I have been sick (or worse, such as an invalid or totally crippled) for 19 years.

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Quick link to provide a bit of colour, emails and stuff.

I asked Uncle Andy for help finding a good lawyer. But he denied me help. Even though I had been crippled for 6 and a half years at the time, and been a badly debilitated invalid for five years before that, and much of that caused by cell towers and satellites, or deliberately bad advice. This was a couple of years ago.

He did not help me to find a lawyer, or explain things to me. He didn’t even tell me why I had been so unwell, crippled or debilitated for years. One conversation was all I needed.

Also, when my grandmother died she left 100k to me and 100k to Lily, he gave my inheritance and Lily’s inheritance to my mother, 100k times two. And 100k went to me from my mother, but she refused to give the other half to me for safe keeping for Lily, and instead gave it (100k) to Amanda (the criminal). My mother did that because I failed to start a PIE (portfolio investment entity) in Lily’s name (I couldn’t make it to the bank for an appointment with a birth certificate, being crippled at the time, and my mother felt that merely starting an account labelled with Lily’s name was unacceptable). I was occupied during probate, and being badly hampered and impaired and ordered about. I was travelling for a fair bit of it, I think. And completely tied up at home here at 73 Hutt road being forced to do inappropriate and bizarre things when my grandmother just died.

Furthermore, Uncle Andy knew that I was sick for years, and debilitated due to attacked from cell towers and satellites. He knew that I had CFS, and what caused it. And never ever talked to me about it. Even when I visited for Christmas in 2009 (technically Boxing Day, I think?).

He is furthest on the left, and I am two heads across just beside my brother. We were all playing croquet. Location: my grandparents house, 30 Campbell Street, Karori.

Ps: I do not recognise “a whatever to whatever” as a valid piece of terminology.

Quick link to provide a bit of colour, emails and stuff.

The emails are mostly just about Boxing Day with my grandma. They show that we still were seeing one another, and still family, even though I was very unwell.

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I joke about everything in my head. I make light of things in my own mind. I joke to myself. It helps to keep me sane.

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I visited a GP at the Coastal Medical Rooms clinic in early 2007. I saw Dr Meaburn Staniland. I went there on the 14th of February, 2007. I told him what was wrong and that I was feeling unwell. He ordered some basic blood tests. And also checked my blood pressure and stuff like that. The blood tests came back normal. He was unable to diagnose me with anything and he was unable to help me with anything. I can’t quite recall this appointment or doctor’s visit very well. The doctor’s clinic at Coastal Medical Rooms is a fairly normal New Zealand doctor’s clinic.

[[When I first posted this part of my story online, I didn’t have all of my medical notes and I still don’t have all of them. But I now have more of them than I used to have, and I now have some the relevant notes from that clinic. I have all of the notes that relate to Dr Staniland for example. But I’m still missing some of the notes from that clinic relating to 1-2 other visits that occurred in 2006. Those seem to have been “memory holed”, or perhaps were never recorded in the first place. Those visits were with a different GP at the same clinic. I have included some of my medical notes at the bottom of this page.]]

I added this to my main story, now that I have my medical notes, or at least some more do them.

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Apropos of nothing:

Gandhi

From Google search:

Mahatma Gandhi’s lifelong dedication to truth was the cornerstone of his philosophy. He famously declared "Truth is God" and viewed the determined pursuit of truth—Satyagraha—as the ultimate purpose of life. For Gandhi, truth went beyond words; it required absolute harmony in thought, speech, and action.

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From Google search:

Satyagraha is a philosophy and method of nonviolent resistance developed by Mahatma Gandhi. Literally translating to "truth force" or "soul force" in Sanskrit, it combines satya (truth) and agraha (holding fast/insistence). Rather than coercing an opponent, it seeks to convert them to the truth through peace, love, and voluntary self-suffering.

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My note:

I like Ghandi, but I don't claim to have a great deal of depth or breadth of knowledge about who he is or how he lived or what he taught. I'm not an expert on his life. And I don't hero worship him. But overall I do like him.

I'm sorry that I have to hedge my bets so much when I talk about things like this. But if I say too much more, then I will be obliged to defend my point of view. Or otherwise I will be criticised in a very annoying and silly way.

All the same, I like Ghandi. I think he's great.

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I almost cut this one altogether, and maybe I should.

My second note:

If you hold fast to what is true, then you might end up living a life where you are despised, mistreated, kicked, beaten, laughed at, harmed and deprived of resources.

This may perhaps be incompatible with certain ways of life or certain ways of being. For example, if you want to be strong and a man who is dedicated to truth, then someone will damage you physically so that you aren't strong any more. Or if you're beautiful as a woman, and dedicated to truth, someone might mar your looks. Or you'll get damaged heaps! I can't explain it. But people will come after you. Bad people who do bad things and then use violence, dominance, nastiness, humiliation and lies and persistent harm to cover it up will come after you if you are publicly dedicated to truth. Because they have to keep from getting harmed. It's like Plato (who is not much more than a trumped up school teacher) said, "no one is hated more than he who speaks the truth". Well, Plato and his followers push a dishonest way of life. Sort of.

If you’re dedicated to truth, maybe you end up weak and despised. Instead of strong and powerful and respected. Or perhaps it is someone who already weak and despised who dedicates themselves to truth and decides, if I live or if I die. I still dedicate my life to this. If I suffer, I still love truth. Or perhaps someone with resources and a little bit of respect and status embraces it, and along with that they embrace a humble modest existence, and so lives that way. Sorry for grammar. They lower themselves in life somehow.

Slight change of direction coming:

Well, at the end of the day, why not just create an engineering solution to a technical problem. And then we have space in which we can believe truth, speak it, and hear it. And love it, and embrace it? It's just an idea, and I'm kind of a bit of an ideas guy.

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End.

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Next topic

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I told them many times that I didn't want to fight for the women. And that I didn't want to sleep with any of their _women_. I also told them that someday, a few years down the track, I would find a girlfriend my own way, and on my own terms, and not from amongst their set.

I also told them that I would need a year to rebuild and "reprogram" my posture. Before I was healthy enough. Although, probably would want longer!

But they disregard my statements and the things that I say.

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Friday, 19th June, 2026

A dunderhead is a slightly old-fashioned, informal term used to describe a foolish or stupid person. It typically points to someone making a silly mistake or behaving in a dense, clumsy way, and is often used in an irritated but somewhat amused or affectionate manner rather than as deeply offensive slang.

Related Information

Origin: The term likely emerged in the 17th century, combining the Dutch word donder (meaning "thunder") with the English word "head," suggesting someone walking around with a loud, cloudy, or confused mind.

Synonyms: Similar informal and critical words include dunce, blockhead, numskull, nincompoop, and knucklehead.

Usage: It can also act as an adjective—dunderheaded—to describe a particularly foolish, poorly thought-out decision or mistake.

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Tuesday, 16th June, 2026

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Just a reminder:

Xi declared me victorious, based on my sleeping with Dasha (even though when I slept with her I flatly refused to follow the order to do anal sex with her, which was originally used to deny me the "victory"). This happened ages ago.

And then Siobhan, Brynn, Clare, Sarah, Ambika, Grace and Angela all said they were mine in perpetuity, to do with them as I pleased.

Note: Ambika didn't say the "do with them as I pleased" bit. But she said she would be mine in perpetuity.

I also had Hanae say that she would be mine for an extended period of time. And Alice said that "she was in", and possibly long term.

And for ages they have been trying to crush me, harm me and shut me down.

I didn't even want to play their games in the first place. But they pushed me into it. And in the end I won, and was declared victorious. Xi said I was victorious. And the women promised themselves to me voluntarily (because I felt that the whole thing was massively unethical).

And now they're trying to continue to harm me, and especially Sarah my lawyer and Brynn the crazy person. They're trying to harm me.

Are they just sore losers? Or trying to fail to follow through on their commitments? Or shirk? They lost a contest that I didn't want to enter. And they _volunteered_.

Also, was supposed to receive the "magic wand" which was supposed to bring about the return of my health to me. I just wanted to be healthy.

And since then I have done a bit of inventing/innovation.

But anyway, I don't seem to be getting anywhere.

I need to finish writing my story....

All of this stuff can be referred to in the updates page, with dates attached.

Are they trying to shirk their duty to provide me with unlimited sex (as a service) by attacking me violently until I give up or get destroyed? And is the CCP part of the set in support of this plan? And don’t forget that I didn’t want to fight for them in the first place. And also they volunteered!!!

* their economic function (and occupation) is that of a prostitute. Which is legal in NZ, and has a slightly different social status in our country.

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Monday, 15th June, 2026

Lesbians and feminists..

Ask for a "quick primer" on "early Christianity"

What would I do?

Read the Bible

Study 20-30 hours of Roman history

Study 20-30 hours of Greek history

Will Durant has some good stuff. And he is even a socialist. And if not a feminist, fairly pro woman. I think a lot of feminist/lesbians could cope with his stuff without tearing their own throats out...

Donald Kagan has a good chunk of stuff on Greek history.

For everything else, there is the local library.

And you have to read 1-3 books on Alexander the Great's conquests.

And maybe look at some military stuff (see Dan Carlin: Death Throes of the Republic)

Then...

Read the purpose driven life by Rick Warren

Then listen to ten sermons by Bill Hybels, Five Sermons by Rick Warren, 10 sermons by Erwin McManus, and a few by Timothy Keller. Listen, don't read.

Then listen/watch to 3 sermons by Billy Graham.

Then read some D.L. Moody (inspiration for Billy Graham).

And then... then!

Start doing some focussed reading about the early church, that is the first few centuries before it became mainstream. Read about it or listen to sermons about it. Before Constantine painted the chi-rho on the shields.

It is important.

You need to understand the sociology and economics of the situation.

And then read a textbook on:

Sociology

Economics

Psychology

Basic theology

And then you're coming along nicely!

Kind of joking, kind of not.

Note: oh, and read 3-4 books about the history of the early church.

And get into the habit of reading 30-40 books per year, and 2-3 full length lecture series per year. Just as table stakes for being and educated human.

This is all a throwaway chunk of text. You would understand early Christianity, and be able to compare and contrast it with more recent practices.

And then you should also look at Kieth e Wrightsons lectures on early modern England (hist 245). From open Yale. Oh, actually there is an Old Testament course and New Testament course on there too. Study those as well. Religious studies 152, 145.

https://oyc.yale.edu/courses

Did you known that all of this is free!?!?!?!!??!?&@&$& zomgbbq!?!??! The Yale stuff is available at no charge to the end user!?!?

Opinions and judgements

At no point have these people suggested to me that they intend to speak in a way that is sensible. Nor do they seem to have any desire to speak in a way that is sensible.

Define Sensible:

One

based on or acting on good judgment and practical ideas or understanding

Two

Sensible is an adjective that describes something or someone that is reasonable, practical, and shows good judgment. It typically means making choices based on logic and sound reasoning rather than emotion or impulse.

And so, I have rejected the idea that their points of view, opinions, judgement calls or ideas are sensible.

I have made a counter offer, and suggested that they send a representative who is happy to have a conversation over a cup of tea, and perhaps is willing to speak plainly, and in a sensible manner. I have also cheekily said that it might cost them a cup of tea and a couple of biscuits before I can treat them as though they are sensible and mentally competent adults. This holds true of the CCP half of the set, and the NZ Feminist/Lesbian/wiccan/communist part of the set.

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Scientific Realism and Instrumentalism

I'm team instrumentalism. Massively.

Google Scientific Realism vs Instrumentalism

Lulz. What if you use instrumentalism to figure out stuff. And you just use it to create models, _visualisations_ and _thought experiments_.

And then you create predictions based on these three things.

And with these predictions, you come up with things worth testing.

Once you test those things you create tests to find proofs of concept for engineering projects.

And then once you have proofs of concept, then you create applications.

Once you have successful applications in the wild. Then you productise them.

And then once you have good products, then you scale them up and push them out there. It's engineering and stuff.

Note: and one more thing, I like using old timey language. Like aether. But not everything has to be done mathematically! Reading biographies helps.

This is perhaps a little unclear. I don't stand by my statements lol.

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I’m not feeling so great. I need rest.

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Thursday, 11th June, 2026

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What if…?

What happens if you can easily convert a building of fifteen apartments, three stories high, into five faraday shielded apartments? And we have proof of concept?

Or what happens if we can easily convert a hotel 10 stories high into a faraday shielded building just by filling 50% of the rooms with clean, loose, crushed cans?

And then, what if your local city council member takes up residence inside this building, and is pushing to convert a significant proportion of your city's public housing stock into faraday shielded buildings? And then other members of the council agree. And then it happens.

This is only for suitable building types. And only for towns or cities where the local council controls the housing stock and has an adequate budget.

Even one town is a big deal.

But what if it spreads like wildfire? All over the world?

So many people could seek refuge. And find a place of peace, quiet and mental solitude.

Like their own personal, individual version of Yeat’s “The Lake Isle of Innisfree”.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43281/the-lake-isle-of-innisfree

Where we can all go to be nobodies:

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/1647321/im-nobody-who-are-you

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https://youtu.be/hoRMOg0N8pk?si=Iv87Mqy0pAuX_Vyl

I like this story. Or, rather I actually dislike it. But I still like it, if you know what I mean. It has motivated some of my thinking, sort of.

It’s actually a very evil story, and Ray Bradbury was a bad person. A horrible man. But it’s an interesting story. I like short stories.

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Wednesday, 10th June, 2026

Quick ramble on philosophy

Christian metaphysics and philosophy: Old Testament and New Testament, and large quantities of Christian material. Christian stuff stands head, shoulders, chest and nipples above secular or pagan stuff.

But non Christian (or secular or pagan) stuff:

Voltaire: the collected works

John Stewart Mill

Ludwig von Mises

Hayek

Bastiat

Ayn Rand

Introduction to philosophy by Durant

The Great Ideas of Philosophy, 2nd Edition: Taught by Dr. Daniel N. Robinson, 60 lectures.

Taught by Dr. Daniel N. Robinson, this monumental course (often split into multiple parts) covers 3,000 years of Western intellectual history, tracing the evolution of thought from the ancient Greeks to modern thinkers.Best for: Those who want a deep, university-level, chronological history of philosophy.

And Terry Pratchett.

And 3 books from the library about the scientific method at university. Excerpts.

Books about "how to use statistics"

Stuff about how to use accounting numbers and what they mean (a fair bit of philosophical stuff).

Books about how to use information in the social sciences

Information about how to use journals

Information about how referencing works

Doing stuff with accounting statements

Lots and lots of history.

Lots and lots of Wikipedia.

And criminological theory.

And theory until it comes out of my ears in tons of areas.

I forget what else.

Uhh. Rick Warren, Erwin McManus and other pastors are better philosophers than most. D.L. Moody is great also.

And lots and lots of history.

You can just learn stuff and understand stuff. Don't over think it. Just read some of the stuff that has gone before. And think it over. Uhhh. This approach isn't for everyone.

You can tread the same tracks that other people have tread in the past. And mull it over. And try it on for size. And then set it aside. It works fine. And then over time you develop genuine understanding. And then that is enough. That's what we call education. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If that is the path you choose, and you deem yourself to be capable as a thinker, then just plough ahead. Don't let the idiots and the numpties tell you otherwise.

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Here are some of the courses I did when I was sick, between the years of 2013 and 2017. I just listened to them, I didn’t take notes while listening or do the readings. They’re pretty good. You can actually learn a lot from things like this. And they’re all free and available on open Yale courses, which can be found at https://oyc.yale.edu/

HIST 116: The American Revolution by Joanne Freeman

HIST 119: The Civil War and Reconstruction Era, 1845-1877 by David W. Blight

HIST 210: The Early Middle Ages, 284–1000 by Paul Freedman

HIST 202: European Civilization, 1648-1945 by John Merriman

HIST 234: Epidemics in Western Society Since 1600 by Frank Snowden

HIST 251: Early Modern England: Politics, Religion, and Society under the Tudors and Stuarts by Keith E. Wrightson

HIST 276: France Since 1871 by John Merriman

CLCV 205: Introduction to Ancient Greek History by Donald Kagan

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Tuesday, 9th June, 2026

Who is more important? And more worthwhile? ASEAN or China?

It's just because people look at the one number of China's population or GDP that people look at China as being a big player.

But I think that ASEAN is much more interesting and worthwhile. And the nations that make it up, and are part of it. And the people of those nations.

China is overrated (PRC CCP). The Chinese are okay people though.

The Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) is an inter-governmental international organization, comprised of Indonesia, Vietnam, Laos, Brunei, Thailand, Myanmar, the Philippines, Cambodia, Singapore, Malaysia and Timor Leste.

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Monday, 8th June, 2026

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There was once a small city with only a few people in it. And a powerful king came against it, surrounded it and built huge siege works against it. Now there lived in that city a man poor but wise, and he saved the city by his wisdom. But nobody remembered that poor man. So I said, “Wisdom is better than strength.” But the poor man’s wisdom is despised, and his words are no longer heeded. The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools. Wisdom is better than weapons of war, but one sinner destroys much good.

Ecclesiastes 9:14-18

But also read the stuff before and after it.

Why train my mind as heavily as I did? Just in case there is a “city to save”.

Learning to do something good for the future. And the hope that I could use my abilities for good, and the fantasy (delusion?) that I could do good. It kept me going.

You have to read the whole book. Twice over.

“All is meaningless”, embrace the message of pure and overwhelming pessimism. Drink it in and swallow it down.

And then decide to be the person who can save the city, from horrible people, and then be forgotten. Even if forgotten and despised. Do it anyway.

Why?

There is no why. You can just choose. Once you embrace pessimism, you can just choose. It doesn’t have to be logical. And it’s not even out of duty.

Sometimes these books can have an effect that counts for more than the message they’re trying to communicate. You just have to wallow in it, and read it 2-3 times over to see if it speaks to you. And maybe it does or doesn’t. But it wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

Anyway, Ecclesiastes, Job and Proverbs are some of my favourite books. I also liked exodus. And I like Moses and Elisha. Also like Corinthians.

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In Mao, the unknown story: I remember reading about farmers being told by food collectors to give them more grain, and that the grain quota demanded more grain, and that the farmers were lying, and had more food. (The farmers were inexperienced, having recently taken over the land looted from landlords, and so had failed to grow more food). And the CCP officials insisted that the farmers had more food to give, even attacking the farmers for it. And accusing them of lying.

And again and again, the Chinese would accuse men doomed to die of starvation of dishonesty. Again and again the Chinese accuse honest people of lying.

This was during the great famine.

The injustice of it.

And it stuck with me ever since I was 20.

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lenin_Boys

Some fun reading^

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Sunday, 7th June, 2026

I had wanted justice:

Amanda, Brynn and Paul in Jail

To sue fertility associates and Amanda

Custody of Lily

And I had wanted my health back.

But was denied the opportunity to have a good lawyer.

And I was denied access to the information and evidence I needed by the DIA.

And I was denied access to the information and evidence I needed by fertility associates.

And also I was attacked by my father, and the police sided with him. He was even given a key to get into my house the following day, and brought the police in to arrest me.

The police told me to go with my father, to avoid arrest. Even though he had attacked me.

After a night in jail (and charges of psychological abuse against Amanda for failing to leave the house when asked to do so while a protection order was in force against me) the police put me into his Paul's car to take me to his mother's house.

So anyway, I thought that I would just wait it out. See if I could find some way to do anything. Maintain my "mental and emotional centre of gravity" and see if anything can be done. Any opportunities. Given that there is no justice.

I didn't count on the remote control cell tower thing though. Keeping me crippled.

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Friday, 5th June 2026

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A brief post about “directing”, or “the primary control”. It is a fairly important part of my life story.

https://howcommunicatetwo.blogspot.com/2026/06/primary-control.html

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Just a couple of links:

https://www.howcommunicate.com/extra-uploads-wedding-text-draft

https://www.howcommunicate.com/extra-uploads-david-in-japan-at-14-video

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Why does Brynn assume that she should be a part of my life?

Why is she so self important as to assume that she needs to have any part to play in my life, sexually?

What does she matter to me, as a sex object?

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You guys didn’t “scam me”. That is the wrong narrative.

Instead, you hurt a good person very badly for ten years (he was quite badly debilitated for some of those years), and then crippled him for 6 years, and then participated in a cover up.

You also wanted to get pregnant with me.

You also wanted to get wealthy by having sex with me in exchange for Chinese money.

You also engaged in fertility fraud, and actually had a child.

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Analogy

https://howcommunicatetwo.blogspot.com/2026/06/analogy-post.html

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Two ideas I had in the past:

Observatist Philosopher

Nonsensist Philosopher

Observatist just observes things, and describes them. He isn't coming up with a system of belief or virtue or religion for people to follow. He just observes and describes. The hope is that this can be used to solve problems.

Nonsensist

Just do any old nonsense to get it done. But also fill your mind and actions with enough nonsense to shield yourself. Fill the front chamber of the minds, the words part, with enough random stuff that you/they can't read it properly. But keep the observer/judge/manager part of it "alive". And you still have "abstract thought sense" even if you don't think it in words or pictures.

You can keep enough nonsense in your mind to protect the parts of the mind you want to protect.

But you can keep on perspective, and judging, and managing affairs. It's crazy.

Things are not as they seem.

I will delete this above post.

And I don't stand by it. I won’t argue to defend it.

Also, reverse social engineering: The best idea I figured would be to sort out a technology.

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I am somewhat pro-Muslim.

As a former Christian, I look at Muslims and I can see that they have a value system that means sometime to them. They have a fabric of moral and cultural reality that makes sense. And a coherent way of being, and ideas about psychology and human development that aren't rubbish. And so I am somewhat pro-Muslim and pro-Islam (but I don't want to join).

Pro Islam as opposed to what? Uhhhh. The idolatrous beliefs of the Indians, especially yoga enthusiasts, or the Marxist-Leninist beliefs and Confucian culture of the Chinese, and the secular beliefs of the western satellitists and so called "intellectuals" of the University systems. I also dislike Buddhism. I think that it is the worst religion on planet earth. I don't like Buddhism whether it is practised in California, Texas, Australia, Japan, China or Tibet. Thelema sucks, and is asinine. And a lot of the occult looks retarded.

I do still prefer Christianity and Judaism though. And I like Sikhism. I like the ideas of Zoroastrianism too, but I think that it is mostly defunct.

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I’ll cut this later (maybe):

Note: neoclassical economics is an ideology and brings with it a fabric of reality. And it is related to judeo-Christian points of view, especially “puritan” stuff. I’ll prove nothing. Now… neo classical economics vs thelema: law is love… move towards what you love. No.

Name your price. If you’re a sex worker, tell me your price, and I’ll tell you if the price is acceptable. And either you have sale and a customer or you don’t. That is why the ideology/beliefs of neoclassical economics are better than thelema. Don’t pretend that your offering of sex worker is more sacred than it is. If your body was ever a temple or holy, then it isn’t any more. It’s common. And a mere productive economic asset.

You’re not profaning these women by shagging them, because they’re not sacred. They’re common, not sacred. They’re about as sacred as the linesmen, plumbers or delivery men of our society. You get a quote, hire them, pay them, thank them and move on. They perform a service.

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I am trying to help the Chinese dudes, and possibly some of the NZ women part of the set understand me a bit better.

Tentatively…

There are some people who are going to do whatever they think is appropriate according to the values that they hold, independently of what you might think about it, and independently of what might be done to them. Their own survival is not their primary concern. Survival and comfort are “nice to have” but not the be all and end all

Archbishop Óscar Romero

Father Rutilio Grande

Jim Elliot

Rick Warren

William Wilberforce (abolished slavery AND started the RSPCA - one of the founders)

They aren't worried about the same things that you worry about, and might not value the same things that you value.

I’m not sure who the Chinese communists or NZ lesbians/women look up to. But I might have different people who I find to be interesting.

The other type of people I look up to:

Sir Isaac Newton

Sir Ernest Rutherford

Michael Faraday

Gregor Mendel

J.E. Gordon

Thomas Telford

Isambard Kingdom Brunel

Alexander Graham Bell

Steve Wozniak

Guglielmo Marconi

Jack Welch

Benjamin Graham

Leo Laporte

A few others:

D.L. Moody

Billy Graham

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A few brief notes about the story after parts four and five:

Please treat this as “off the cuff” remarks

Next part of the story, is that I have chronic fatigue syndrome.

And I am running about asking for help solving that problem.

"I have chronic fatigue syndrome".

I talk to my family, I ask for their advice. And I talk about it with them. And also they give me unsolicited advice.

I talk to my in laws, I talk to my wife. I get their ideas and potential solutions, and advice.

I talk to multiple doctors. I talk to my GP Amanda Clarke. She refers to "some friends she knew from university". Including dr David Waite, and dr Roberts. She also sent me to a physio, TBI.

I had already talked to multiple doctors before her. Such as one at coastal medical rooms (twice). And three (or four) at Victoria University.

I tried physio, and I just got me hurt.

I talked to my friends, including Jesse and Nathan. They knew I had "chronic fatigue syndrome". Jesse had a diagnosis of post viral fatigue. His elder brother had had cfs as well, and was very sick. Their father Geoff (now chief elder, aka pastor, at the ccc) also talked with me. Multiple times. I also attended their early morning pastors meeting to have them pray for me. And he also gave me a book to read and "pray through" all about how evil Freemasonry is. Which I did.

I also attended prayer and "healing" meetings at odd Pentecostal churches. Because David Orchard had been healed at one of those. Furthermore, I went to weird sessions at places like... okay. There was a "healing rooms" session at southwards car museum (they have spare rooms) where an oddball dude prayed for me.

I went back to university in 2010, but had to drop out. I was still sick.

My social life? I went to church, and some of the same friends as in high school. And we had lunch together after church.

By the start of 2011, I was still unwell.

I didn't get healthy again!

I didn't know what was wrong or what to do about it!

I will work on writing up more stuff.

Parts 7 and 8

2011 and 2012, and into early 2013

I had really bad back problems and digestive problems. But still had the chronic fatigue syndrome. It was horrible.

I kept on seeing people to ask them for help. My grand parents drove me to the hospital for one or two of my doctor's appointments. By the way, dr Roberts, dr Waite, and dr Alistair were at the hospital in Wellington.

My grandparents also put me in the prayer list for their church, asking that I be healed of chronic fatigue syndrome. I also had my name put in our church newsletter, suggesting that people pray for me that I be healed of cfs.

I actually got worse in this period of time. Quite a lot worse.

Part 9: 2013

I got way, way worse. Bad digestion, bad sleep, bad back, pain. Saw multiple physios. Could no longer lay in bed to read, could no longer curl up on the couch to read. I even had to cut down on frequency with which I showered.

I couldn't read any more!!

The era of listening to podcasts began, and I literally had NO WAY to find a comfortable position in which to rest. There was no way to chill. It was cataclysmic.

And then I had to move house. We got kicked out. I was actually struggling to function at the time. My back was borked and I didn't know why. Hint: cell towers did it.

Part 10: mum comes to visit, stresses me out in purpose (I was barely functioning beforehand). She pushes me to see a doctor, and the doctor gives me drugs that make me worse (was a family friend). And that plus cell tower attacks and long standing health issues cause a "mental health event". And then life is bad. Will explain more later. Nortryptaline and then quetapel. And they push me to be involved in mental health services. But I don't want to be. Because my issues are back problems, cfs and digestion. Amongst other symptoms.

So anyway, I can't really sleep in bed like a normal person. I have to lay weird to rest at all. But idk why. Also, my relationship with my mother is toast (again). I also end up taking long term supplements my mother gave me (xtend life multivitamins). I am actually not explaining well.

And that gets us to maybe 2014.

There is so, so, so much to explain.

Like I couldn't lay in bed to rest in a normal way on my back or side. If I tried, I would get my spine. I just couldn't rest on my back. They had changed my torso so much long term. Also, laying on my side didn't work either. I actually dislocated my shoulder (mild dislocate) laying on my side. It's awful.

I also did a lot of Alexander technique.

Part 11: 2014 onwards

Umm. I then also build up a lot of walking. Somehow by forcing it, I could do walking every day. And I built up. Eventually to an hour a day. Every day, even if just two minute, I forced myself to walk. And built up, lamp post by lamp post. Until I could do up to 60-70 minutes. I was feeling so much improved. And then something changed?? And then incident walk anymore. And I was limping. And I couldn't solve it. And then I ended up not walking. I couldn't manage! The delicate balance was disrupted by cell towers. And talking was finished.

Also, sometimes I had entire weeks, or up to a fortnight, vanished in black fog. I think that it was cell towers.

By the way, I could often force myself to lay down and rest, while listening to podcasts. It was the only way to control the situation enough to rest. I will explain later.

Oh and my father also used to tell me that it was basically psychosomatic, and that I just needed to do the “lightening process”. Which is a psychological method to get rid of psychological problems. He reckoned that it might be “just depression”. That happened a bunch of times.

He very, very, very strongly pushed this thing called the lightening process. Look it up.

He even gave me a copy of the book “oh the places you will go” by Doctor Seuss, with a brief note in it suggesting that I should do the lightening process. And offered to pay money for it. Amanda’s grandparents and also my aunty Wendy pushed it as well. The course costs $500+ dollars.

There is plenty more writing to do.

****

These people are bores.

If you have to beat me with an electronic stick, confine me to my home, and speak directly to my mind to get me to speak, then you might just be a bore.

Such a sex pest that you have become a bore.

****

Just a random comment

Marriage

Don't forget that the leaders of the early Christian church were fighting an ongoing, heavily persecuted*, non violent, communitarian revolution against the Roman Empire.

They were focused on getting the message out there, feeding the hungry, working to support the poor financially, visiting those unjustly imprisoned, tending to the sick, rescuing children trafficked into slavery, or preventing children being trafficked into slavery or servitude in the first place, rescuing children left to die of exposure, rescuing and redeeming women stuck in the sex industry.

And they won. They defeated Rome.

By my reckoning, they conquered it in 312 AD when Constantine had his soldier paint his shields with the symbol of Christianity, the chi-rho at the battle of the Milvian Bridge. People often tell the story wrong when they say that he painted the cross on the shield, it was the Chi Rho. But it's close enough.

They oversaw one of the biggest improvements in the status of women in all of human history. Women went from being mere property to being coequals, co-heirs of the kingdom of heaven. Before that, they were appliances that had sex. Or prostitutes. It's a little complicated. Class has a lot to do with it. But a lot of women basically just had to have sex with their master and his servants. A female servant or slave was often a sex worker on the side.

And so it was into this context that the apostles (which just means messengers) taught the people all about how Christian marriage should work. And their advice was... stay single and don't have sex! Just like us! (The leaders were largely celibate). So we can serve the poor better!!! It saves on so much hassle. The active mission, the biggest task was to minister to the poor, because under the class structure of Rome, and with the way the rich owned all of the land... the poor were really poor! And not all of the poor were Roman citizens! Don't forget, there were many people less well off than Roman pleb citizens. They needed to serve the poor, and so why not skip marriage. But then, the leaders said.. if you can't handle being single like us, because you would "burn with lust" (aka the guys are too cute, or the girls are too hot). Then just get married and be faithful. And the men must always love and care for their wives. There are rules: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." It was a call to engage in sacrificial, selfless, and unconditional love towards your spouse. The love was to be charitable, an act of charity from husband to wife.

And all of this was during an active, ongoing, non-violent revolution to take down the Roman system and the Roman way of life.

*The Christians were getting killed, left, right and centre. Martyrdom was a fact of life.

[And a huge amount of the situation had to do with things like class, money, access to food and resources. The social status and class thing was massive. Don't ignore the class issues!]

Note: I wrote this while sleep deprived and pretty fried. So it isn't perfect.

Probably if the apostles were giving advice and writing letters in the modern day and age, they might have different ideas. The issues are a little different: we have tons of food, tons of housing stock, contraception, abortion, antibiotics and post birth surgeries exist. Education is light years ahead of where it was (general education). And we live in a hyper abundant, hyper vain Pilates and matcha shakes and creatine protein shake weight lifting world. And drugs, music and alcohol exist like never before. And we have violent retarded sadists inside our minds. And quantum physics in our nervous system. And they’re experimenting in the total destruction of private “free market” intelligent analytical, abstract thinking. In favour of hive mind nonsense.

https://howcommunicatetwo.blogspot.com/2026/05/marriage-in-christianity.html

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Sexy stuff or the destruction of the elderly?

What matters more..

What is a more important topic of conversation?

1. Polyamory? Swinging?

2. Or electromagnetic violence against the elderly? Driving the elderly to suicide? Or other forms of elder abuse? Giving elderly people dementia or brain damage? Rendering them incapable of speech? Causing them serious long term pain and incapacity? Crippling them entirely, or just plain killing them outright by means of electronic abuse?

****

Being criticised by the CCP is like being criticised by a meth head mother who beats her kids over the issue of serving your child cold cooked broccoli from a plastic container that might contain xenoestrogens.

****

My fridge

They have destroyed two of my fridges now.

And about four slow cookers.

And so I can’t cook and eat normal food.

I wouldn’t take a thousand doses of sex from one of their most attractive prostitutes over having a working fridge.. I just wouldn’t…

Women as people and as friends and as fellow citizens are valuable.

But as sex objects, trafficked into sex work, packaged and sold, won and lost, traded and used. They aren’t that valuable to me.

A woman who wants to voluntarily have sex with me, in a voluntary relationship. Now that is valuable.

But actually, it’s just ugly old men with extremely bad morals and horrible teeth who pretend that the standard is you have to have women abused until they are docile and compliant, and then traffic them into sex work. And that they can then be “dominated” into sex work. But that is because those men are morally reprehensible. And otherwise basically unfuckable. Without power to harm others, and economic clout, they just aren’t getting laid. Or at least not often.

These men modify society into a space where you’re expected to dominate and control women into sex with you. But dominated and controlled women, threatened and groomed into sex work, delivered to me on a silver platter. This is not a prize to me!!

****

Please just give me my health back.

I was supposed to get my health back once I had sex with someone. That was what was communicated to me (I refuse to prove it).

And I should never have had to ask for back it in the first place.

These people crippled me for 6 years with science fiction weapons. It is a “politically serious” act. Like putting someone in Joseph Mengle’s experiments. It is the sort of thing that lands someone in trials in The Hague, Belgium such as men like Ratko Mladić, Radovan Karadžić ended up. Medical experimentation where you modify the body to cause it to become crippled, and keep it that way for 6 (now 8) years is a very serious thing.

They deny that they have crippled me, and pretend that it is “just deconditioning”, but that is to deliberately misunderstand science and physiology. They are just playing silly buggers with definitions and words.

In the meantime, I can just keep on doing skunk works.

Ps: 2+ years ago they told me that I had to have lots of women, or else I wouldn’t even be allowed to go outside. I don’t want any of this.

Extra note: you can take the narrative that this situation is about women, money or political activism and shove it up your arse.

****

These devices and structures that I am working on and designing might help to shelter people from the sorts of horrors I have experienced. It might mean that people like me can recover without having to negotiate with lunatics.

Or it might shelter people from being trafficked into semi-voluntary sex work, including a lot of youth. It might also shelter the elderly.

Furthermore, it might trigger a mass exodus. Kind of like a Moses/exodus/biblical level thing. Everyone being harmed or bothered might hide out. For years.

****

These people crippled me using science fiction weapons. It took them ten years to do it. It took ten years to take me from healthy and fit and fairly strong to the point that they were able to cripple me altogether.

And then they kept me crippled for 7 years, using science fiction weapons. I suffered very badly.

Note: bad doctors and bad advice were part of it. And yes, I did visit the hospital and see doctors (duh).

I am hoping to write up my story properly. And I'll work on it asap.

Who is responsible? A bunch of New Zealanders are responsible for it. Also, they were backed by some Chinese dudes and money. Here are some names: Paul Solt, Tedge Solt, Matthew Solt, Amanda Ward, Brynn Huso, Siobhan, Sarah, Dr Amanda Clarke, Carolyn Jamison, Craig Dawick, Theresa Neches and a few others are some of the most responsible. But perhaps I will be able to tell the story better later. Also, some physiotherapists and doctors. A bunch of them. Jacinda Ardern and Grant Robertson were in power. My uncle Andy was mayor of Wellington while I was crippled and housebound in Princeton Road. Geraldine (the support worker) was present and aware of how bad it was.

****

Music

FWIW, when your body is borked like this it's hard to just chill out and enjoy music. Ditto for back at Khandallah. Which is one of the reasons I listen to rubbish music a lot of the time. Rubbish music is fine. Sometimes it's exactly "what the doctor ordered".

But I prefer music with really good singers, or good melodies, or technically excellent musicians, or the right tone and vibe.

When I was a teenager I used to think to myself that I needed to do "good works" because I am a Christian. But thought that doing basic good works using my time, energy and meagre funds was a little inefficient (I did try a little bit, such as trying to help out with youth group).

But I thought that if I educated myself with the intention of making inventions that were for the benefit of society, or would make enough money to give charitably to society. Then that would be smarter. Or that I could social entrepreneurship. And so I thought of that, and I wanted to developed myself.

But that means investing in myself and my education and abilities so that in the long run I can do something good.

Disclaimer: please don't nitpick, it's close enough to true.

****

But I prefer music with really good singers, or good melodies, or technically excellent musicians, or the right tone and vibe, or people with fantastic voices.

I love Freddie Mercury, Brian May, Michael Jackson, Elton John, Robbie Williams, Supertramp, Pink Floyd, All Star United (Ian Eskelin - unironically a good singer, see his 97 album), Paul Colman of the Paul Colman Trio, I like the Eagles (Hotel California, Lyin Eyes, New Kid in Town), the Beatles, Yngwie Malmsteen, Cheryl Crow (only her first album), Billy Joel, Deep Purple (for the guitar), I like dream theatre (maybe not quite good enough; technically excellent, but lacking soul. Joe Satriani is similar), Jimi Hendrix was ground breaking, and lastly I like some of the harmonies from Simon and Garfunkel.

And Chopin, Mozart, Beethoven and Rammstein.

*Michael Jackson was a great singer and musician, but he’s not a great guy, so I just don’t want to listen to him, I don’t like him. I have decided that it’s a morally bad thing to do to listen to him (for me). But I have to mention him anyway. We all liked him in my family growing up (the guys: me, Matthew and Dad).

****

By the way, I hate the word hot. And I can be a little pedantic about things like which word to use.

****

Hypothetically, what if I happen to know a thing or two about meta cognition. And what if Christians and former Christians are actually better at it than Buddhists (lol). Or die hard occultists.

And hypothetically, what if once you can manage meta cognition, you can reshape your mind. And do a good job of it. Engage in the landscaping of the mind. Firstly you take the single point of consciousness that exists behind the words, and you strengthen it (you don’t dissolve it). And secondly, you take the flow of words, and you identity with it strongly (you don’t let it fade away or melt).

And what happens if you try out Buddhist meditation, and enjoy it. But choose not to agree with the conclusions of it, and carry the sensation or experience of “mindfulness” with you into day to day life. Because it would kill the “ideas machine” in your head, and damage your capacity for abstract thinking.

I dunno. There might be an awful lot of stuff going on, that some people don’t understand.

And you shape that single point of consciousness. It isn’t “real” some people might say. Or should be melted, or smothered. But you say it is an emergent property, that becomes real. So you train it, and develop it. And identify with it very strongly. It becomes that which observes, that which guides the mind, that which manages the theatre of the mind, or manages the workshop of the mind, or observes and judges the debate chamber or discussion table of the mind. There are a lot of metaphors. But the mind can be trained, and greatly improved (depending on what you mean my improving). And you try to retain (and maintain) fluidity and truth side by side. And perhaps create resilience and patience. And self control. What else? The mind-body stuff? I once read a book “the conscious constructive control of the individual, and the use of the self”. The books weren’t great, but the titles are. And I reverse engineered some stuff. There might be stuff that some people can’t understand. And also the connection between posture, mind, body, brain, movement, speech, memory. And also visualisation, and spatial awareness. And how abstract thinking builds upon other things. And how once you can build abstract thinking, you can just keep on using it.

And then also, there is another thing… you might be able to discover something adjacent and inside abstract thinking. And use the _essence_ of it to think, even if people smash the words out of your head, and smash the visualisation capacity, and the subvocalisation capacity, and smash the posture so hard you can’t use the posture to think (properly). And then you have to use this essence of abstract thinking, even though the pure abstract thought part has stopped working the same way, badly damaged, and it’s like you’re using the memory/essence of abstract thought, guided by the “single point of consciousness”, which is (of course) you. And still you guide, observe and push your self to solving problems. But also manage your body consciously. Even though the building blocks (language, and other stuff) have been smashed, disrupted or inhibited. It’s hard to even explain.

Quantum physics and engineering… and perseverance.

****

Once a week

Hypothetically speaking what would have happened if I had said that I wanted to sleep with just one member of the fae, once per week. By that I mean what if I said that I wanted to have just one woman from the fae, and sleep with her no more than once per week.

What if I said that I feel that their society tells me that I am obliged to have a woman in my life (to avoid getting harmed, and to have my health back)? And then said that I want to do the bare minimum.

And that I thought that the bare minimum might be no more than once per week.

And what if I said that I had actually tried this a while back... and asked to be required to have sex with one of their women no more than once a week?

****

I rewrote my life story, part one:

https://howcommunicatetwo.blogspot.com/2026/05/life-story-part-one.html

It’s pretty much a finished article now.

It is ready to read.

It has changed a bit, and so it might be worth rereading since last time.

****

Over the past few years.

I told these women that I reject them. I said it many times.

I told them that I didn’t want them.

And I also told them on other occasions that I didn’t want sex with “their women” at all.

They just didn’t listen!

***

They just kept on wanting me to make the blanket statement that “I don’t want sex”. But instead I would say that I don’t want you guys, or that I don’t want sex with _your_ women (but that someday I would find a girlfriend of my own, in the distant future).

***

I TRIED SO HARD TO REJECT THE WOMEN

But I couldn’t manage it. They wouldn’t listen.

***

I think that it might be because I said that I just want to get my health back, and that I don’t want the women. They pretended that I “had my health back”. And they pretended that once I “had the magic wand” that I would just chase women anyway. And maybe I needed to word the rejection differently. Without referring to my health. Make the rejection about them, but ignore the health issues, because they pretended that I already had my health back.

But the bottom line is….

I TRIED SO HARD TO REJECT THE WOMEN!

****

Respect:

to feel or show admiration for someone or something that you believe has good ideas or qualities

I don't respect their ideas or qualities. How can I respect them for their qualities? Am I to respect them for their wisdom or competence? Just look at their history. And look at what they’re doing in the present day.

No, of course not.

As for their ideas? Their ideas are stupid.

I have observed and judged them. I have formed opinions of them, and I do not hold them in high regard. I do not admire them. I feel that they are lacking in the qualities that could make me admire them.

So I don't know why they talk to me of disrespecting them. That is the language of an Italian mobster in the movies, but not the language of a wise and competent set of political leaders (CCP). And as for Italian mobsters, I never saw the Godfather and I don't care for movies about the mafia.

****

A very serious matter

By the way, the enormity of what has been done to me (crippling me for 8 years with science fiction weapons, including for 6 years before I knew the fae/dreg or these weapons existed) should not be overlooked.

Ps: they harmed me very badly with these weapons for 10 years before they crippled me altogether. And used healthcare workers to add to the harm and make things worse. And also they commit fertility fraud against me after crippling me for five years, and harming me for 10, so that they could have a genius baby, and then used corrupt police and courts to cover it up. And then corrupted the DIA and subverted the fertility associates clinic to cover up the cover up. They also subverted and corrupted the lawyer from the public defence service.

****

The Bare Minimum

These people should have been talking about the minimum amounts of sex I should be having with these women.

What do I mean by that?

Here is what I mean, if they had asked me, I would have said that I wanted to have sex with one of their women no more than once per week.

And that only as a means to an end.

If that is the price of my being physically safe, having the right to walk around town freely and under my own steam, and of being allowed to have my health back. Then I was willing to tolerate it.

We should have been talking about the minimum amount of sex that I am _required_ to have. We should have been talking about how little sex I could get away with.

Perhaps I should have said that I want “a generic brunette between the age of 25-40”. And to see her once a week. And for her to be someone that I am attracted to.

History:

At one point, I actually told Siobhan that I was willing to sleep with her once per week, merely as a way to get my health back, and so that I could be allowed to (and able to) roam around town on my own two feet, and come and go as I pleased.

She was just a means to an end, I told her so. She was very offended (apparently). This was just before I got tripped and then fell off of the stack of pallets 15ish months ago and nearly got badly injured (just a very sore/hurt knee, but I recovered).

The "game" at the point was that I was fighting for a "settlement" that included sex once a week with Siobhan.

I actually didn't want these women in my life! I wanted to get back to university!

***

To word it better, I was willing to acquiesce to having sex with these women in order to get my health back, and to secure my freedom* and physical safety.

And I tried suggesting that once per week was more than enough.

*by freedom, I mean the freedom to walk around town, the freedom to roam freely, the ability to come and go from my house as I please, the freedom to go to the supermarket to get groceries so that I could cook dinner, the freedom to go to a shop to buy a packet of gum, the freedom to just sit and read a book, the freedom to have a cup of tea and listen to music, the freedom to sort out basic problems in my life such as getting a cheaper place to live. Or sorting out going to the dentist. Or sorting out normal things like buying clothes, socialising, playing cards or board games. Or just the freedom to go to the beach or library. I also need to sort out my eyesight! I can’t even take care of a cat.

****

History:

Do I really want the women?

Do I want them to be mine as sex objects?

The answer to that question is NO!

As for claiming that I had won because I slept with Dasha and enjoyed it, that was a way of getting my health back. I thought that if I claimed the victory, they would give me my health back. And so I claimed it. And then half a dozen women said that they were mine in perpetuity and that I could do anythjng I wanted with them in perpetuity.

And I expected then that I would have my health back. But then I didn't get it back.

I don't actually want to have the women. I think the system sucks. It's nonsense. And also the language these people use, and the means of communication, sucks.

But I was obliged to say that I wanted them to try to get my health back (the magic wand). And then more recently (9ish months ago) I had to say that I had won and claim them to try to "win" my health back.

And then recently I keep on saying that they are "whiny crybaby bratty sore losers" because they keep on attacking me after declaring me victorious.

My goals and intentions and what I want are not the same as what they pretend they are!

I don't have the goals they want me to have.

I want to be well again!!

***

Ps: a lot of the women are pretty! A lot of them!

Extra note: I really, really hate the word hot!!

****

A quick discussion

There are some women who seem to want to have sex with me.

But I don't really want to have sex with them, because I am not well enough. I am not in good health.

Here are two examples of my not being well enough.

I can't shower.

I can't do star jumps.

And even if I could do those things, I might still not be interested.

Those are just examples anyway.

***

When will I be well enough?

I'm not well enough until I say that I am well enough. And that's good enough for me.

End.

I could have made statements like this (or similar) over the past 2-3 years. And in fact I DID make these statements. But they fell on deaf ears.

Link to page:

https://howcommunicatetwo.blogspot.com/2026/05/why-should-i-want-to-in-first-place.html

****

The main thing I want to do is to get my health back.

I want to physically recover.

To do that, I need a full year without any harm to my body or any interference with my body by electronic means.

And then I will be able to fix the problems with my body. I think. I will rebuild it. That is what I want.

I want to totally sort out the “torso integrity compromised problem”, or what I am labelling the “torso integrity compromised problem” (it isn’t a perfect label). I have ways of doing it. But I’ll need a year.

Link

****

Epistemology is philosophy.

I learned about the epistemology of science and also of physics over the years, and how it relates to experimentation, language and visualisation. And also how it relates to abstract thinking.

I used epistemology to do quantum physics.

And I did quantum physics to come up with innovative new ideas that can help people.

It was philosophy that helped me to do it.

Ps: the scientific method/s involves epistemology…

****

Additional note: I visited Sir Ernest Rutherford’s old laboratory in the basement of the old Christchurch University building, now converted to being a museum. And I stayed in the Rutherford Hotel in his hometown of Nelson for a bit when I was able to walk around in the world. I had 7-8 months outside.

****

A lot of it is actually radio wave physics, statistics, mathematics, computer science, atomic physics, materials science etc. and the concept of wave-particle duality, Schrödinger dead/alive resolution. What is an electron? Inference vs is. Experimentation vs models. Love of experimental physics over theoretical physics, love of Rutherford’s work, and liking him as a person. Strong dislike for Albert Einstein and his cult of personality.

And a fairly strong dislike for Plato and his work that I hope you don’t copy. A love for Faraday and his Puritanism and his belief in the primacy of experimentation. And directly learning from Faraday’s language and experiments as described in Wikipedia. And the idea (his idea?) that physical reality must be driven by empirical observation rather than strict, mathematical assumptions.

And also I liked Cixin Liu and his series the three body problem, the concept of a sophon and the idea of being a “wall facer”. Technically his series is called something else. But I like the sophon idea.

And I love abstract thinking!! Just use things to represent other things. And figure it out like that. And then create visualisations, and experiments. And then you see what the results are, and then create potential product solutions; prototypes.

And then you come up with scalable, marketable products that people want to buy within the bounds of consumer oriented capitalism, and which could be produced using the tools of industrial capitalism, and then also financed using the tools of financial capitalism.

****

If you are someone with a mind worth protecting from these neo-oriental, crypto Buddhists who want to turn you into a dunderhead, then maybe a faraday sheltered environment is just what the doctor ordered. Maybe a woman who believes in women’s autonomy: celibacy, morality, autonomy, education and being free to make your own choices; to use your own judgement. Maybe a man who just wants to relax and play games. Or maybe a monk. Or who knows what?

Even 5-10 years from now, maybe you will still be seeking shelter, and we will be building these. It might be a totally different world. We may have many people over many years becoming faraday hermits so that they can shelter their minds from harm and avoid becoming a dunderhead, or a victim of the hivemind experiment, suffering because of it. Not everyone wants to become part of a hivemind.

Even years in the future…

****

I want to write up my life story, parts five and six.

But any time I try to write anything, I get physically attacked and harmed. And my brain gets smashed. Sometimes every sentence is a struggle.

****

From a conversation:

People are free to choose what sort of people they are working on becoming: intellectually and morally?

Are the developing themselves morally?

Are they disciplining their intellects?

They can choose to become a more worthwhile person.

And if they live amongst worthless people who drag them down. Then many of them are free to choose to find a new bunch of people (like a Chinese person quitting the CCP and leaving the PRC to go to the USA and become a Chinese-Christian).

They can also join a bunch of people who are also working to become more worthwhile people, such as a church (or in the interests of full inclusion, perhaps a mosque, synagogue, Zoroastrian group, stoic group, secular humanist group). And ideally this place will have a code of conduct and system of belief that will help them to become more excellent.

The people around you matter.

Education:

Schools and libraries are also good. And there are many opportunities for education everywhere you can find them.

I like golden rule people, I like love your neighbour as yourself people. I like fruits of the spirit people. I like people who read books like proverbs and develop wisdom, I like people who read psalms and say to themselves, "I love the law of Moses, just like King David". I like people who choose to adopt high quality moral standards and live up to them.

Who are you choosing to be, and choosing to become on a daily basis?

****

FWIW, I didn’t have a very good family or good friends.

****

The only reason/s I was trying to sleep with these women was to secure my physical safety, and to have my physical health and functionality returned to me. These two things are inextricably linked.

****

I just finished writing my life story part three and four.

My life story part one

My life story part two

My life story part three and four

^ this last one is the one I just finished writing. Part one and two actually need a lot of work. Especially part one. Part three and four is ready. It is as ready as I think it is going to get. But don’t forget, there is a lot more left to write! It only gets you up to the start of 2009. After that, I stay sick. And also get worse. And plenty of years pass before the thing they did in late 2017. Lots of things happen along the way.

****

Quick Blurb

****

What I want most is to have the use of this violent technology on my body and brain banned. I really don’t care about women or money compared to that.

In exchange for that I would _probably_ be quite happy to give up access to the women and the money. I would be happy to give up posting to my website/s. And I would be okay with not doing the ideology that isn't an ideology, "reverse social engineering". Or posting political theories online.

And I need the use of this technology on my body and brain banned so that I can rehabilitate myself physically. Without interference.

However, I kind of don't have a great deal of faith or confidence in the idea that we can make such a deal or otherwise sort it out? It's too hard to negotiate.

****

My father, Paul Solt, is an ITTF certified professional table tennis coach. He specialised in coaching women’s table tennis and youth table tennis. He is currently awaiting trial on charges of child molestation. He likes kissing little girls and touching them in between the legs (allegedly). There are multiple very serious charges against him. He is out on bail, but only on the condition that he is confined to his mother’s house in Karori. He is basically under house arrest.

The girl in question is thought to be half Chinese and half NZ European. She was about 11 years old at the time.

He has violated bail at least twice. Once by going to a prohibited location (the local swimming pool, he is banned from there). And once for coaching another little girl in table tennis (he is banned from coaching table tennis). He has been rearrested twice. And he spent several weeks in prison over the Christmas break.

More information:

He used to be the vice president of table tennis New Zealand.

And he was the president of Wellington table tennis. His Facebook page said that he was president there for 12 years. He was also a prominent coach at Wellington table tennis for many years.

He accompanied the woman’s NZ team to Zagreb international tournament.

His son Matthew had a paid job with the ITTF.

Paul also has/had a business selling table tennis equipment. This was a significant source of income to him.

He was chairman of the board at Lake Taupo Christian School. He owns and has run an explicitly Christian business (Kingdom Music) for many years. His brother-in-law Andy Foster used to be his closest friend. Andy Foster used to be mayor of Wellington and is now a member of parliament.

My father attacked me at my home three years ago. And tried to break in by kicking the door down. And then lied to the police about it. He also tried to have me institutionalised (filed a section 8b). I am actually in danger.

****

Restatement:

Amanda and Brynn engaged in fertility fraud against someone that they had crippled for 5 ish years using science fiction weapons, and had previously harmed him very badly using these same science fiction weapons.

Since then, they (and their Chinese counterparts in what I am calling the China-Kiwi Partnership) have crippled him for an additional 3 years in an attempt to cover it up. It is actually a very serious crime. And they have also used corrupt doctors and police officers, as well as a corrupt lawyer from the public defence service to cover it up. And encouraged corruption at the department of internal affairs to help to cover it up. His father assaulted him, as part of a cover up. His father also filed a section 8b to get him institutionalised or controlled by mental health services. He did this as part of a cover up. And Brynn and Siobhan have been stalking and harassing him, hanging around his property again and again.

The Chinese have supported this operation for years. As full partners.

I would very much like to have a bit of peace and quiet where I can write up my story comfortably.

****

I used to engage in a bit of amateur political theorising as a way to keep my mind alert and active. It was a pastime, and a bit of a passion project. It found it to be interesting. It was a hobby.

What else? I used to educate myself long term so that one day I could become an inventor (aka ideas guy + engineer). Even when I was sick, I was still training my mind with the end goal in mind of becoming an inventor. And I was still educating myself to that end.

I wasn’t a hardcore political activist. I was a cripple who was crippled by the “Kiwi/China Partnership”.

Note: one aspect of my theorising was called “reverse social engineering”. It was a big topic, but not the only one. Perhaps it is better to not focus entirely on “labels” or “categories”.

****

If you pick on a hobbyist inventor, he might just invent something! A hobbyist engineer from an English (And New Zealander) background might just invent something super useful, when pressed!

****

The Chinese and Kiwi partnership crippled me for seven years, that is from late 2017 to late 2024.

They then crippled me for one year from approximately April 2025 to April 2026.

This means that they have crippled me for 8 years.

Prior to that, they harmed me very badly for many years. Which I would like to write about sometime soon. This includes a number of years (2012-2017) as an invalid. Although exactly how you account for the years 2010 - 2012 is a good question. I would say that I was an invalid, and incapable of working a job, or studying, as well.

They tell lies and mislead people about this. And “play silly buggers” when I try to set the record straight.

****

I used to engage in a bit of amateur political theorising as a way to keep my mind alert and active. It was a pastime, and a bit of a passion project. It found it to be interesting.

I wasn’t a hardcore political activist. I was a cripple who was crippled by the “Kiwi/China Partnership”.

****

Some History and Backstory

I tried to opt out of this system (and the fae in general) on ethical grounds.

I thought that it was unethical (immoral) to join it, because it is cruel to others.

I thought that it might be unethical to try to fight against the system. That is, to engineer some "solutions" that might "disrupt" the system enough to bring it down in favour of a true and genuine democracy. The reason I felt that it might be unethical is that there was perhaps a 20-30% chance that I might actually be too good at it, and actually take it down, causing mass civil wars and associated carnage. This is because I thought that my political theories and skill as an inventor (innovator, ideas guy, technologist, generalist and engineer) might be too strong for them.

And so I tried to opt out of fighting against the system.

Furthermore, I tried to opt out of having a harem, because I thought that it was inherently coercive.

I told them that in theory I wouldn’t mind a voluntary “libertarian” harem, where women offered to sleep with me indefinitely. Because they wanted to. But that their “models” for a harem seemed silly and horrible. And were inherently coercive, and so I didn’t want them.

Lastly, I have many times requested a face to face conversation with someone sensible so that I might discuss these issues with them.

****

My life story part one

My life story part two

My life story part three and four

^It is still a work in progress. But it’s very useful and well worth reading.

****

By the way, if I get the information that I want from the DIA. Brynn and Amanda would probably end up going to jail. Paul will probably have his assault case reopened, and perhaps be charged with a crime for making a false report to the police and then having a health professional file a section 8b. An 8b is when you try to get someone committed. Furthermore, the DIA, NZ police and the DHB will all end up very embarrassed. And "Fertility Associates" (our country’s biggest fertility clinic) may also end up with bad publicity. Perhaps also experience civil consequences or criminal charges. Or job losses, or loss of honours (two of them were members of the NZOM). And the local free youth clinic might look really, really bad. Also, I would probably end up with custody! Although, she might have a foster family until I can physically function…

So the incentives are that they should double down...

AND my uncle was mayor too, while I was crippled and in that place. And is currently in parliament is Chairperson of the Transport & Infrastructure Select Committee, as well as other roles. He is in our nationalist party.

Ps: I tried multiple times to get information from the dia and fertility associates . But they denied me access to information that is rightfully mine, again and again. They did this because Brynn (or someone similar) was whispering in their ear. Furthermore, Amanda used to work for The Charities Commission, as part of the DIA.

Janet Turnbull (NZOM) works/worked for the DBH and the ORA. She made a false report. A very, very false report. In writing. In an attempt to sanitise this situation. She is a very prominent doctor and a lesbian.

Added: it is also fairly likely that I would be able to sue both Amanda and Brynn, as well as fertility associates, for quite a bit of money. And also reopen the question of spousal maintenance and/or child support and/or divorce settlement. Basically, it could involve quite a bit of money. So I guess that it is no surprise that Brynn is so “anti” me… And so desperately wants control. Ditto for the Chinese.

****

The negatives of having to talk inside my own head to interact with their systems probably are about equal to the positives of having access to easy, guilt free sex with intelligent attractive women who don't have diseases and don't want to get pregnant.

I don't want to use the inner apparatus of my mind to interact with their computer systems or social structures. That is a misuse of the human mind. In many ways, I have a good mind, and I just don't like these “psychic” conversations.

****

To the Chinese part of the set.

Can you "burn" the whole operation:

Pull all support from Brynn, Siobhan, Grace, Amanda, Sarah (lawyer)

Also from Paul, Matthew, Joseph Chapman, Jesse

Maybe Andrew London, unsure if still involved.

The main ones are Brynn, Siobhan, Amanda, Sarah (lawyer) and Paul.

****

By the way

I have a ton of my story written down on paper, but I haven’t got it put together yet.

****

Abundance

If you want to know how we came to have such an abundant society, please listen to this lecture series.

The Industrial Revolution by Patrick N. Allitt of Emory University.

It’s very good!

Note: for some of you, this is old news. You’ve already learned a lot of it. And you can skip it. But even a lot of you who are educated and have read a lot of books could enjoy a lecture series like this one.

****

Brynn Huso is the genetic mother of Lily, who was conceived by means of IVF. This was done without my knowledge or consent. This is a criminal matter, and could land both Brynn and Amanda in jail. And put Lily in foster care (or in my custody! If I were well enough and free!!). She is the one who has been speaking into everyone’s ears. By wifi.

Note: pictures of Brynn and Lily and Amanda are available on my other website. Alongside DNA test results. This constitutes evidence as far as I am concerned.

Ps: I am still working on my life story. That is my main goal.

****

Ps: back when running around for those 6-7 months... I was led to believe that I might be crippled if I so much as stopped following instructions, let alone started speaking up. And I thought I might be kept crippled for months or years. And I knew given that I hadn't fixed my torso, it would be easy to re-cripple me. And so I didn't speak up.

Second unrelated issue:

I was led to believe that to "win" the overall prize, that I was required to do something gross or pervey. However, I was also led to believe (or believed) that merely engaging in sex in general should be enough to win me "the magic wand", and with it my health back. But as it so happened, it was not enough..:

The pervey acts: anal or "a burger".

The act to get my health back "one cream pie", is what I was led to believe would have been sufficient...

Both of these paragraphs are unedited ^ and quickly written.

It is very important that I communicate this.

****

Multiple words to describe the same thing

丑女 / 醜女 (chǒu nǚ): Used in both modern and traditional contexts.

丑陋的女人 (chǒu lòu de nǚ rén): More descriptive, meaning "an ugly woman".

媸 (chī): A formal or literary character specifically denoting an ugly woman.

醜女 (traditional) or 丑女 (simplified) are often used for describing an ugly woman, according to and.

丑女人 (chǒu nǚ rén): A more colloquial and often insulting way to refer to an ugly woman.

母夜叉 (mǔ yè chā): A term for a fierce, malicious, or ugly woman.

Can a woman be described as a mǔ yè chā or chǒu nǚ? Or does exactly only one of them get to be true?

If you make a banana cake, can you be cooking, baking, or preparing. Three terms.

****

English Culture: an unhinged and disorganised rant

William Wordsworth, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, John Keats, Lord Byron, Percy Bysshe Shelley, and William Blake, Jane Austen, Bronte, Edgar Allen Poe, (Goethe)

^I don't like these people. They don't represent us.

We are the people of the electromagnet, electricity, electric motors, the steam engine, the telegraph, the power loom, wool industry, coal mine, boot manufacturing and shoe industry, tableware manufacturing and silverware manufacturing industry. Faraday, Rutherford, Alexander Graeme Bell, Brunel, Telford. We are more to do with engineering and the royal society.

Who? The UK and colonies such as Australia, New Zealand and Canada. As well as the New England colonies and the Scottish and English that settled there.

If you want to know what English culture is, then take a class on electromagnetism. Wind a magnet, read about faraday, visit Rutherford's old lab in Christchurch, read J.E. Gordon. Go sailing, get drunk on rum while at sea. And have a gin and tonic. Pour gallons of terrible tea down your throat. Practise chemistry, read about Humphrey Davies. Marvel, absolutely marvel at the beauty and wonder of British shoe design, boot design, leather working and industrial weaving technology. Chop up your dinner with a Sheffield knife and drink something out of a Wedgwood mug. We are more to do with wool, textiles, tableware, knife ware, cutlery, boats and shipbuilding, alcohol, tea, BOOTS, Dunlop leather shoes and associated technologies, than poems about love, shrubs, hedges and flowers.

^ off the cuff and unedited

Also, we are not defined by King Arthur, camelot, chivalry, lord of the rings or any of that, or as I said above, the romantic movement. The romantic movement was a reaction against who and what we actually were. We are the people who made good and affordable consumer goods available and ubiquitous. Shoes on every foot, blankets on every bed, furniture in every home, coats on every back, and hats in every head. Books on every shelf and pens in every hand. We made the material realities of life possible. And we have one of the oldest living intellectual traditions in the world, and two of the best and oldest educational institutions ever in existence (like Cambridge and Oxford). Our intellectual scene is amazing (even though a decent thwack of evil is to be found in there).

And it isn't the Spanish, French, Swedes or Norwegians, or the Polish or Latvians or Italians or Portuguese. I'm not talking about them. It's the British, the English, the Scottish. And associated colonies and former empire. Ps: the Germans do tons too.

If you want to know more, then please look at this lecture series. It's very good, and not too tough, not even for ESL people or the poorly educated (ymmv).

https://shop.thegreatcourses.com/the-industrial-revolution

Bottom line: the romantic movement sucks. Magnets, electricity and mass manufacturing are better.

****

The British invented chocolate bars. See also: fry’s.

****

I would very much like to have Brynn expelled from my life, she is a bad egg. I would like to bypass all other questions, conversations and discussions on the matter, and merely to have her expelled.

****

I engaged in amateur political theorising as a hobby. I would theorise in the area of democratic reformism, social engineering and total civilisation redesign. I did this for many years. I would come up with ideas, create theories and frameworks. I would engage in study and research. I would create sample policies. And at one point I created a design philosophy called reverse social engineering.

I also have spent years of my life wanting to become an inventor/scientist. And to that end I have read a lot of books, learned a lot of things, and educated myself quite a bit. I have practised some of the techniques associated with creativity and problem solving. These include things such as brainstorming, keeping an ideas book, "daydreaming and ideas walks", wide reading in a number of topics, extensive reading. And also I tried to learn a variety of skills that might later synergise with inventiveness and innovation (such as computer programming, design, 3d graphics, woodwork, metalwork, working with magnets etc). I also went to university to study business.

I used to engage in my hobby of political theorising to keep my mind active and healthy. And to pass the time. While I was very unwell and/or crippled.

****

These inventions could be used to stymie the sex trafficking and sex slavery of women. With these inventions actually in place all across the world, women could seek refuge and decide for themselves if they want to keep on being sex workers. If they choose to exit sex work, they could find a way to _physically_ make it happen. They would also have time and space in their own minds where they could think it through, and at the end of the day they would be _free to choose_ for themselves how to live.

Don’t forget, many of these women were trafficked in childhood too.

With any luck, there might be a mass exodus.

See also: Exodus: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Exodus

****

Ever since I was 8ish years old. I have wanted to be an inventor. But more importantly, I have worked on the skills associated. Like keeping ideas books, improving my brainstorming skills, dreaming up and developing ideas while walking (I loved walking, because it gives me time to think), learning new skills and reading many books, reading to improve my general and specific knowledge to help me to become an inventor.

****

Jim Elliot was one of the sorts of person I looked up to when I was young.

****

They used science fiction weapons to cripple me for seven years.

I just don’t think that’s right.

****

I got heaps of blood tests, as a part of trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I need to get back to writing my story. I even got weird tests too. Like allergy tests, GTT (glucose tolerance, 2 hr test), over night sleep studies and lots of stuff. They tested a lot of things.

****

Yes, the Chinese government has significantly embraced and revived Confucianism in recent decades, shifting from strict rejection under Mao Zedong to adopting it as a tool for promoting social stability, cultural identity, and ideological alignment with socialist goals. Under Xi Jinping, the party encourages Confucian values like hierarchy, social responsibility, and filial duty to bolster social order and bolster national identity.

And they still use Han Chinese characters. Which are almost inextricably tied in with Confucius and his Analects, which is the reference work for the Chinese characters themselves (see also the field of philology).

****

I did amateur hobbyist political theory between 2017 and 2022. I did it to keep myself sane and to keep my mind active. I was very unwell after all. I was totally crippled! But I wasn’t a political activist. Not in any real or meaningful sense.

I used to also invent political theories for fun as far back as 2009? But that was mostly related to economics.

I also have always enjoyed creating ideas for things like video games, inventions and housing developments. And used to have a hobby of studying and learning about things like architecture, criminology, history and the social sciences.

****

Did Brynn have ivf babies up her sleeve? Like, pre fertilised eggs ready to go. So it would be easy to get herself pregnant, and fast. And right DNA.

****

I was a civilian, and a non combatant. And they made me sick for four years, an invalid for five, and crippled for seven. During those years, I used to come up with political ideas. Including a set of ideas loosely called "reverse social engineering. It wasn't an ideology, but if it was, it was one that hoped to make society into a "genuine democracy". But I was just coming up with ideas as a hobby to keep myself sane. My life was horrible.

After I got out of that situation, and found out how bad things were, and that I had been crippled (electronically) on purpose, and kept that way for years. I wanted to be apolitical, throw the money and the women away, and then be left alone to live out my life in peace.

After how much I had suffered, I just wanted to be left alone to live my life in peace. That's how bad those 7 years were (and the previous 5 weren't so great either!).

(As for the ideas: It was also supposed to destroy "control mechanisms", put the power to do actual social engineering into the hands of the people, place power over the culture into the hands of the people, instead of the UN or universities and stuff. We would let the people themselves be cultural architects (architects of their own culture, by democratic means). And give people the capacity for self governance, self ownership etc at the nation state level. And control mechanisms, I saw education and the media as control mechanisms. And so I wanted to do something about those too.

Furthermore, I always felt that reverse social engineering would have to be done by means of a physical invention, or intervention, and that mere policies would be insufficient. And it was “a hobby of an inventor”. Or the hobby of a man who wanted to be an inventor. So it is natural that given that the main thing I wanted to do would supply the goods for the other thing unwanted to do. The invention would have to be scalable. And once the invention was created, then the policies would work).

Please restore me to health, but more importantly, please ban the use of the tools that were used on me to cripple me, and also has been used to execute my grandfather (yes, he was already old and had other problems, but they did take him out in the end, using these same tools, and it took ages).

Ps: I always wanted to be an inventor

****

I want the use of this technology on my body to be banned completely. That is, no messing with my muscles or my brain.

They used it to make me into an invalid for five years and a cripple for seven. They also have made me a cripple for a further ten months. It’s too horrible.

They crippled me for seven years, and because of that I want the use of this technology banned on my body. I don’t want to have it tightening up my neck muscles, psoas, iliacus, shoulders or chest. I also don’t want to have it affecting my brain.

I suffered so much in those seven years that the moment I found out (in mid 2024 iirc) that my being crippled was caused electronically, I just wanted to be allowed to have my health back, and to be left alone forever. I wanted nothing to do with these people called the fae. I just wanted to be able to live out my life in peace. I wanted to spend my time reading, drinking tea, and to have a cat.

The women violently forced me to participate in games where they tried to force me to desire them. Ahahaha. Is there anything more pathetic than a middle aged woman who is desperate to have men be crazy about her (Or women).

I just wanted to be left alone to live my life in peace.

****

Topic:

I want to be healthy

I wanna be able to do star jumps, jump rope, bush walks, squats, planks and pushups before I get involved with women, or otherwise consider myself healthy. Also, I can't even shower! And I very much want to get some dental work done. By the way, a filling cracked and fell out the other day.

Ps: I am contented with push ups from my knees, but the squats should be good squats.

Being healthy again is much, much more important to me than women. I also would like to spend time going for walks and reading.

****

Topic:

Amanda and Brynn

Amanda and Brynn have been a couple since high school. I didn’t know about this. At least not until I found out in 2022.

They are a serious couple. Also, Brynn and Lesley get along and are fairly close. Lesley is kind of like Brynn’s mother in law. The used to go camping and tramping together, along with Amanda. They are like family. Basically they are family. Lesley is Amanda’s mother, and used to be my mother in law. Amanda and I are now legally divorced by the way.

Amanda and Brynn had a baby together. Using my sperm and Amanda's egg. Using IVF. They did so without my consent or knowledge. This is very, very illegal. They then tried to cover it up using the (corrupt) New Zealand police and the (corrupt) New Zealand courts and the (corrupt) public defence service of New Zealand. And they crippled me for seven years as part of bringing this about. I have also been sick and/or an invalid for years because of people like this.

They wanted my babies. This is partly because they wanted a baby with high iq, I guess. But also because they wanted to damage my life.

And now Brynn wants to become my long term "partner". And at one point she wanted to have 4 babies with me. She violently threatened me and coerced me into agreeing to have 4 babies with her. And two with another friend and associate of hers (Grace).

I don’t want to have children with Brynn!

I also don’t want to have children with Grace!

I don't want Brynn. And I don't like her. By the way, she and I used to be friends! We were friends before all of this happened.

We were friends many years ago, before all of this happened. And long before I discovered that Amanda was living a double life.

I would like to discontinue my association with Brynn Huso. She is a bad person.

****

They commit fertility fraud. It is a serious crime. And they did it to a cripple/invalid. And they have been harassing and stalking me for years in an attempt to cover it up. They have been engaging in intimidation and stalking. This is actually a very serious criminal matter.

They also recruited friends to help. Including Siobhan, who was stalking me. Her friend Siobhan showed up in Christchurch, Auckland and Te Anau (I think she showed up in Te Anau).

****

Next topic…

The Partnership: China and New Zealand

There is a partnership that has existed for many years. I call it the China/Kiwi Partnership. And they…

They made me sick for four years, an invalid for five years, and crippled for seven years. This happened alongside being sold out by my family; and lied to by my family, friends, in-laws, doctors, physiotherapists and church, and viewed for years on a metaphorical camera for years. Given that this happened, reality basically has ceased to exist (emotionally and psychologically, sort of). Even parliamentarians sat back and watched it happen, and our prime minster (Ardern) said that my treatment was state sanctioned. And my Uncle was Mayor of Wellington during three years of it.

They crippled me for seven years. And they did so in a manner that was thoroughly disgusting and disturbing. Because of that, I am unwilling to follow instructions from them.

For a while, I was willing to follow instructions, because they pretended that they were going to give me my health back if I "won" their game. But I now know that they were dishonest about that.

They crippled from 2017 to 2024. They also made me an invalid from 2012 to 2017 and sick from December 2006 until 2012*.

*There are a few minor exceptions to that last point.

The experience of living like I lived from

2017-2024, living crippled like that, is a source of genuine and extreme horror to me. And now they have crippled me in much the same way again.

Genuine and extreme horror: You don’t have to believe me for it to be true.

****

I am hoping that I can get a bit of rest, and then write a bit more. My back hurts.

I have some basic housekeeping, and blog updates to do as well. Normal house stuff to do.

Ummm. I would like to wind this whole situation up. Or I would have like to have already done it! But the other guys don’t know how to negotiate 😅. It’s crazy tbh!
What else, oh. I know. I reckon that these people wanted to use “silver chains” on me. Which is that they use the techniques and tools on my body to control me, and torment and harm me, that were already used to cripple me for seven years, and were actually used to kill my grandfather.

To modify my body, as they have, and then to use these tools to further harm me, or make me suffer, or to torment me… is a non-starter. And to think that they wanted to combine it with sexual relations with women? Carrot and the stick. It is clearly a non-starter. They are just being backwards.

Also, they were supposed to restore me to health already. Just for landing Dasha.

Ps: China is just “backwards” and bad at categorisation. As well as being sub par when it comes to abstract thinking.

FWIW, I think that their language (and grammar) is to blame. But maybe that is a conversation for another day.
Extra note: I spoke with the Chinese earlier, and they seem to be somewhat dismissive of higher level abstract thinking in general.

The Chinese want me to prove to them that I was crippled for seven years. By the Chinese/Kiwi set. And to explain to them why and how it happened.

…

And they keep putting it all in categories such as “de-conditioning” or something.

Or they try to suggest that if I made it for a walk to the end of the street once, with great difficulty I might add!, then it counts as that I wasn’t too crippled to walk down the street. But this is just to misuse abstract thinking.

They don’t use categories properly.

Also, just to reiterate:

They made me sick for four years, and an invalid for 5 years and then crippled for 7 years. Then had a bit of time outside to roam, and now I have been crippled for about 10 months.

The time I had outside to roam was weird, and I was still fairly limited in my ability to move properly.

To modify my body, as they have, and then to use these tools to further harm me, or make me suffer, or to torment me… is a non-starter.

^The prospect of this would be a source of horror for me…

*****

This following update was added already to my life story parts three and four.

Amanda and religion

Amanda became a Christian back in high school. I met her when we were fifteen. I had just moved from one town to another. And I didn’t know anyone. We up ended sitting together in mathematics (they put me in mainstream math, ugh, I had done very badly in the streaming test for reasons I have explained elsewhere). She and I were also in Accounting and Japanese together. We quickly became friends.

She was a troubled girl with a less than ideal upbringing. When I first met her, she had claimed that she was molested by her step father (her mother’s husband). She also told me that her father was an alcoholic and exposed her to drug use. She had a lot of stories about her father, who she really didn’t seem to like.

She was vaguely associated with the same set of people who also went to the Coast Community Church, without being one of them. She had gone, on occasion to church events or evenings, but it wasn’t her cup of tea. I was an attendee of the Coast Community Church. It was my “home church”.

When she was about 17/18, she became a Christian. Partly I think it was because her Nana Kath suggested it and gave her some religious literature, and partly because I invited her along to church.

We believed in things like salvation and the forgiveness of sins. And of being a new person. She came along to church with us. She was baptised. The idea is that you are saved, forgiven, and that your sins are washed away, and that you have “become a new person in Christ”. She did a pre baptism course with the Cotton family, who were a respected family at our church. She was baptised by Stan Rolston, one of the longterm elders of the church. Later on we volunteered with the youth group a bit, in our early twenties.

Jesse Orchard was a mutual friend, his father, Geoff Orchard, was (and is) an elder. I think that he may have been merely a deacon back then? But I cannot recall. Nathan Thatcher was also a mutual friend. Nathan and Jesse were both school friends and church friends. Ditto for Ashley King. John and Lauren Cosgrove were church friends of ours also. A lot of mutual friends and acquaintances visited our church, or attended it. If even for just a couple services, or a few youth group events. It was fairly popular back when I was 15/16, and Andrew Crawshaw was still running it. Rachael Burston came along a bit as well. She was Amanda’s closest friend in High School.

Amanda and I were the sort of couple who talked about religion or belief often, and would pray before bed. I used to read and study the Bible often.

More information about Amanda’s parents and drug use.

Amanda used to say that her dad passed out drunk a few times in front of her. And on one occasion she thought he was dead. And then she had to climb out of the window, to go home. And that after that she didn’t see him for ages. She said that when she stayed with him as a child, the house was always cold, dirty and horrible. They didn’t have enough blankets etc. Her father was a punk, and had actually joined or started a band. He was that type. The band was called “Goat Rider”, and on stage he used to ride a rocking horse with a goat’s skull on it while breathing fire. And on one occasion, his hair caught fire. They even showed me the video one day. He had since quit drinking and become a lay teacher in the Anglican Church (He was a member of St. Mark in Raumati Beach). He later got a masters degree in theology. His job was a copy editor, or editor, or in charge of layouts for magazines or something. He worked on the magazine for the nursing council of NZ (which is a respected Government entity).

Her mother was an alcoholic also. But according to Amanda, “never used to drink around Amanda” when Amanda was growing up. Lesley drank way too much all her life, and she still does, as far as I know. She also was a neglectful mother who didn’t feed Amanda proper food. And used to feed her too much sweet stuff. Amanda ate too much junk food when she was young. And even had to have baby teeth removed!! And this led to her adult teeth growing in wrong and crooked. Which is disturbing!?

Amanda also engaged in self harm back in high school, and used to cut herself with pieces of glass. And at one point had cuts on her arms. All over her arms. It’s horrific. I don’t understand why teenage girls are like this!

Her Nana Kath was a good influence on Amanda. And encouraged Amanda to become a Christian.

What else…??

The Orchard family

The Orchard family consisted of Geoff and Christine Orchard, Jesse Orchard, David Orchard, Karl Orchard and Annalise Orchard.

I spent plenty of time with them both as a teenager and afterwards. When I first moved to Kapiti, my father was a member of the CCC (before switching to the Meadows Pentecostal Church). Dad encouraged me to be a part of their life.

Jesse Orchard later married Natalie Hymers. I used to work alongside Natalie Hymers as a cleaner. We both went to Paraparaumu College. And we both went to the CCC youth group. She was a flatmate of ours, and very difficult, filthy and messy. We worked to basically “house train” her. She was a friend. Her mother and step father were meth addicts who abused and neglected their children.

Geoff ran a joinery, the orchard joinery. It was the family business. Christine worked in the joinery a little bit too. But was mostly an office worker and home maker. Their family was briefly over in Papua New Guinea as missionaries. Also, Jesse used to attend the local Christian school which used to have the ACE system. The local Christian school was located on Tutanekai street, which is exactly right beside KYS, the local free youth medical clinic.

David Orchard married Emma (I forget her maiden name), who had previously dated Andrew Crawshaw. Andrew Crawshaw was the youth pastor for a while at the CCC. And baptised me. Andrew Crawshaw later boarded at our house, and has also worked for my father. He is a musician, and also ran a music shop for a while in Kapiti. David Orchard became a youth pastor. He and his wife worked at “Kapiti Impact Church”. And then worked at the Zeal Youth Development Centre. For all I know, he might still be there.

What else?

Both David Orchard and Jesse Orchard faked having “chronic fatigue syndrome” and/or “post viral fatigue syndrome”.

David Orchard faked having cfs back when I was about 17-19. He had months and months of it. He had to quit his job, and it was horrible. People acted as though he was dying, or that he was experiencing something like terminal decline. He just slept all day, and couldn’t do anything. He was married, and his wife Emma had to support the both of them. They moved as a couple up north to Auckland, because they wanted to work in ministry. And then while he was up north, a pastor prayed for him, and he was miraculously healed. It was at a healing meeting at a pentecostal/charismatic church. He was healed just in an instant. He actually gave a talk up front in the CCC to tell us all about his miraculous healing. It was a big deal. He went from sick and feeling awful, to being out-and-about and exercising again. Just straight away he was doing stuff like kayaking and getting fit. He actually did have problems for years, and eventually had a shoulder surgery. But I’m not sure if this was related to the cfs.

I also stayed with David and Emma for about 3-4 days when I was 18. He just slept all day. How it happened is that my father went away for a week, and needed a space for me to stay, because he didn’t trust me to stay home alone without him for a week (!!!). I was put into Jesse Orchard’s house for that week. My father and Jesse’s father arranged it. They had known one another for a fair while. But then Jesse’s grandfather died and they needed more space at the Orchard’s house for visiting relatives. And so I ended up staying a few nights with David and Emma Orchard, at the house where they were house sitting. It was a fairly nice house, with a nice pet dog. And only 5 minutes walk away from my usual place of residence at Linwood Drive. Anyway, he had “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome” and was very unwell. I say faking, but I think he actually had symptoms. And that his symptoms were electronically induced. He looked unwell. He looked awful, dreadful, or whatever adjective you prefer.

Jesse faked having CFS when I was about 19-21 (I can’t fully recall exactly when he “had” it). But anyway, he became sick. Natalie and he had just become a couple. She was his girlfriend. And then he got sick. And he had about 18 months as a sick person. I forget exactly how long. But I was sick at the same time. We were friends and both sick. He played a lot of World of Warcraft. He rode on his exercise bike (graded exercise therapy), to prevent de conditioning, and he took Powerade which he made from powder to maintain electrolytes. He went to many, many doctor’s appointments. And he got a lot of blood tests. His brother used to drive him to appointments. He was as sick as a dog. He did balance table therapy as well (which just made him unwell). He lived at home with his parents. He probably had electronically induced symptoms.

As part of his story, he claimed that he was healed through prayer. But then he later changed his story to say that it was just counselling and quitting world of warcraft. He also said that playing world of Warcraft gave him a “fake sense of achievement”. What else? He had later stints of poor health in his life, and he never really did much in life. He did a diploma in IT in his late twenties. He was a high school graduate. He and I were friends. He was my best friend in high school. Which is complicated thing, okay? Because it was like.. by default? Because who else would fill that slot? Aaron? Amanda? Max? I felt like we weren’t hugely close, and I didn’t know him perfectly well. But who else? I definitely wasn’t his best friend, that seemed to be Chips (aka Jono), or “tall Daniel”, or Chris Westwood. But he was mine. Probably I felt like my closest “friends” were my family.

Chips was one of Jesse’s friends. He liked footman frenzy, and other Warcraft Three: Frozen Throne based games. He had a car, and used to drive people places. His real name was Jonathan East. He went flatting for a bit with Jesse and (tall) Daniel up in Palmerston North, which was a bit of a debacle. He tried to do an OE in the UK, which was a disaster. And then worked as a call centre operator for WINZ for a number of years.

****

Christianity

I was a Christian, and quite religious. It’s difficult to explain that now. Because I’m on the outside of that whole thing, looking back in on it. I’m on the outside looking in, if that makes sense. And some of it is good, and some of it still makes sense to me. But some of it seems odd. And I have also have had a thoroughly horrible life in some ways.

So anyway, I was the type of person to do daily devotionals, read the Bible every day. I had Bible reading plans. I went to church and youth group. I kept attending church as an adult. I read Christian books, and borrowed books from the church library. What else? I went to pastors and elders for advice. David Walker and Jesse Orchard were both pastors kids. Mike McHocking was a pastor, and a family friend. And their family was important to ours. I didn’t trust non Christians, and I mistrusted liberal Christians. I went to Bible studies (such as the one ran by Jared and Amanda Doncliff), and even invited Jenna and Natalie along to it. Jenna briefly became a Christian, but that fizzled out. I was often to be found lying down in the middle of the lounge floor in 5 Weka Road, in front of the fireplace, reading the Bible. Accompanied by one or more cats. Later in my life I would listen to Christian podcasts and recorded sermons as a way to pass the time. I listened to an audio Bible recording, I listened to sermons, and I listened to ministry podcasts. I also grew up going to the parachute music festival. And I memorised scripture. I even had flash cards. And had a prayer journal, at one point.

Amanda and I were the sort of couple who talked about religion or belief often, and would pray before bed. I used to read and study the Bible often.

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John Jennings

I used to believe that it was important to have good people to talk to. Good Christians who you can trust. And there was this guy at church, John Jennings. And he had been friendly and kind to me on a number of occasions. For example, I had shown up at church on a couple of occasions too late for “youth lunch” when I was a teenager. And he offered to have me around to he and his wife’s house for lunch instead. Which I thought was very kind. He was also a greeter at church. As an adult, I got to know him a little bit. He had Amanda and I over to his place for dinner once (and he came to my place once also). And it was this idea I had, that you’re supposed to have good people able to speak into your life. To offer you advice and guidance. So we put ourselves out there. Anyways, he was the guy in our church who ran an ersatz Christian book shop. At dinner, Amanda and I told him the story of how we got married, and also how my health had fallen apart. That I had been diagnosed with “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome” by my doctor. And that I was now a university drop out, chronically ill and unable to work. He also showed me his shelf of Christian books for sale. He happened to have a copy of “Where is God When it Hurts” by Philip Yancey. Which I purchased. He also lent me a copy of “Exploring Church History: 20 Years of Christ’s People”. Which I later returned to him. In hindsight, nothing about anything he said or did was real. All fake. It’s sad.

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The Alexander Technique

Stuff from Google/Wikipedia

The Alexander Technique is an educational, mind-body approach that improves posture, movement, and coordination by helping individuals recognize and release chronic tension and harmful habits. Developed by F.M. Alexander in the 1890s, it focuses on freeing the relationship between the head, neck, and back to reduce pain and enhance ease of movement in daily activities.

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The Alexander technique is most commonly taught in a series of private lessons which may last from 30 minutes to an hour. The number of lessons varies widely, depending on the student's needs and level of interest. Students are often performers, such as actors, dancers, musicians, athletes and public speakers, people who work on computers, or those who are in frequent pain for other reasons. Instructors observe their students, and provide both verbal and gentle manual guidance to help students learn how to move with better poise and less strain. Sessions include chair work – often in front of a mirror – during which the instructor will guide the student while the student stands, sits and walks, learning to move efficiently while maintaining a comfortable relationship between the head, neck, and spine, and table work or physical manipulation.

In the United Kingdom, there is no regulation for who can offer Alexander technique services. Professional organisations do exist, however, typically offering three-year courses to people becoming instructors.

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David's Section:

It can help to relieve tension and alleviate symptoms.

It's kind of like a type of bodywork. Or some parts of it are like that. It's hard to explain. Just watch a video on YouTube if you're interested. It's not actually that useful. You're probably better off just walking, cycling and doing a short stint of tai chi (a whole bunch of tai chi). Although you shouldn't keep doing tai chi long term, it weakens you and ruins your posture. Even though it relieves tension.

The Alexander technique is a form of bodywork as well as education, and it helps to relieve tension. I think that charlatans also use it to mess with people.

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When I went to these lessons, I had already had my body messed with a lot by remote control. And my neck, back, chest, shoulders and inner hips had all been tightened up chronically. The whole thing was tightened up long term. And when I went to these lessons, and the moment they placed their hands on me, the remote control tightening ceased, and they released the hold that the computer had had on me. And so I enjoyed the tension releasing and tension dissolving benefits of the technique itself, as well as the feeling of having the cell tower remote control tightening released at the same time.

It was like magic. My whole body felt totally different. At the time, I believed it to be extremely beneficial. But it was at least 60% that they just ceased tightening up my body by means of remote control and the use of muscles!!

But just one lesson, and I felt like a whole new person. I felt human again, I could breathe again.

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Another note:

We (Amanda and I) spent weekends in Kapiti, often with Amanda’s family.

I rapidly became part of Amanda’s family.

I went to Christmas with them.

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Kapiti Coast, or Paraparaumu, and the lay of the land in general, a map.

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I saw a physio in my second year at university.

I had moved house. And Shane had hurled a set of drawers to me while moving house, I caught it awkwardly, and my shoulder clicked weirdly. It hurt for a while. And then when it didn’t feel right I went to the physio for some treatment, because it still hurt a bit. It was janky. He gave me some exercises etc. they didn’t help.

In fact, they made me feel blah. This is because my torso was locked down. My neck was tight, inner hip, and back and so on. And so the exercises made me feel bad.

The shoulder pain (right shoulder) went away when I had an Alexander technique lesson. The first lesson.

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In parts five and six, I intend to write about the times I went to the elders for prayer and advice, especially regarding my worsening health problems. Including going to the Elder Geoff who has had two sons with CFS.

In part seven (or later, which might cover from 2011 all the way until 2014), I might write about the time I reached out to Stan Rolston. I needed advice and guidance. I was very unwell, an invalid, and getting worse.

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Yes, the development of solid chocolate by J.S. Fry & Sons in the mid-19th century was heavily motivated by the desire to create a wholesome, non-alcoholic alternative to alcohol.

As devout Quakers and leaders in the temperance movement, the Fry family sought to offer an affordable, nutritious, and enjoyable product that could curb the consumption of alcohol, which was causing widespread societal issues at the time.

Key Aspects of Fry's

Contribution:The Temperance Movement: The Fry family (along with competitors like Cadbury and Rowntree) believed that providing a nourishing substitute could improve the lives of the working class, seeing their business as a way to serve a higher purpose.

The Invention (1847): In 1847, Joseph Storrs Fry, a grandson of the founder, created the first mass-produced solid chocolate bar by mixing cocoa powder, sugar, and melted cocoa butter, producing a paste that could be molded.

Marketed as a Substitute: The product was not only a technical innovation but a moral one; chocolate was promoted as a healthy, warming, and stimulating treat that could replace a visit to the pub.While solid chocolate existed in rudimentary forms earlier, Fry's invention in 1847—marketed as "Chocolat Delicieux a Manger" (Delicious Chocolate to Eat)—is recognized as the first commercially successful molded chocolate bar.

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