How did I end up this way?
How did I end up this way?
To start with, my mother suffered from kidney disease and kidney failure when she was young. [Both of her kidneys failed] and ended up having a kidney transplant. Kidney patients need to take anti rejection drugs and blood pressure medication (among other things) and so she was taking some fairly significant drugs. This was before she was pregnant with me. She and my father then got married, and wanted children. She later fell pregnant. It was not an easy pregnancy. She was very sick and had to be on bed rest in hospital for a couple of weeks/months, towards the end of her pregnancy. While on bed rest, she lost a fair bit of weight. When she eventually gave birth, I was premature and tiny (small/underweight). She had an extremely difficult time giving birth, very long labour. Women who have had kidney transplants probably shouldn’t have children. It’s sad…
I survived and grew. I was one of those genius children who started to talk when very young. I started learning to read very young. My parents were proud of me, and had high hopes.
Next, my parents taught me to walk when I was too young. Here’s how it went: They were proud of me for being smart/intelligent. I was talking and reading. They thought I could do more (even though undersized). So my father taught me to walk by lifting me by the hands when teaching me to walk. This contributed to things like muscle imbalances as a child (things like tight shoulders, and improperly developed strength in my torso. I later grew out of the improperly developed torso strength. I think this happened just by engaging in normal vigorous outdoors activity, such as playing with other children, going to lay grounds, playing sports, climbing trees, going to the pools and lake).
I had aches and pains growing up, and complained. I had recurrent headaches, and a fair bit of back pain. I also had neck nerve twinge issues (involving pain, weakness/fainting, blackness in vision). My parents didn’t really take it seriously and did very little about it (they call it “growing pains”). I was about twelve by the time I saw anyone for treatment afaik. They sent me to a physiotherapist who was within my mother’s social circle. He deliberately wasted my time. In particular, the physiotherapist used therapies that avoided treating any underlying issues. I saw him for many sessions (maybe 10-20, without any real improvement, govt expense lol.) Basically my family sabotaged my physiotherapy. They told them not to help. They were complicit (physio 100% certain, doctor about 80% certain). My physio gave me exercises that loosened up my shoulders and bit, but did nothing to solve underlying issues. At one point they sent me to a doctor who was literally a part time clown. Literally a clown haha. Now I did really have some back issues that needed to be sorted out! But they kind of got ignored. I could in hindsight have sorted it, but didn’t have the knowledge at the time (at the age of 13/14, just one hour walking daily [this helps the shoulders to relax and stop being so tight, ditto for the neck], followed by a smattering of bodyweight squats, lunges, calf raises, a few planks, and some easy pushups on the wall, building to and giving at to standard knee pushups and eventually full push ups. Those things combined with ordinary stretches for my shoulders and upper back would have done it, I think). Instead, I just ended up doing kickboxing and boxing and then figuring out exercise for myself ]ended up focusing mostly on pushups, sit ups, boxing/kickboxing, jump rope, bicep curls and a bit of cycling for myself legs. I was actually doing fine in life, and fine in things like soccer, when I played it, ditto for judo, but I did need to sort out some muscle imbalances and related back pain. Now as to issues that happened later (from eighteen onwards) those happened because of electronically mauling me! That was horrible!! Those issues were primarily caused by people deliberately attacking my health from the age of onwards.
The stuff in childhood equals tight shoulder, some back pain, some muscle imbalances (like I should have had slightly more muscly legs! I’m not sure how to communicate it with sufficient nuance. Also, I climbed a ton of trees haha, so my upper body was challenged often, but I didn’t bother to train my legs.
My parents neglected to send me to a physiotherapist until I was 12 years old. I had whinged heaps before then. And then they sabotaged that physiotherapist. Mum v friendly with him? I think they might have had an arrangement. I’m not sure, but I think my parents encouraged the physiotherapist to be useless. I think he was in on their schemes, but perhaps I am just being paranoid about the physiotherapist. I don’t think so though, because he used to say things that in hindsight make me think he was dropping hints.
Time passed.
Note: I played sports etc. Soccer for 2-3 seasons as a child. Hockey at 13, kickboxing at 14 for six months, boxing at 15/16/17 for 8/9 months on and off, a bit of weight lifting in my final year of high school. FWIW, I was actually fine at soccer, I was decent. Ditto for hockey. The issue is that they blasted my back and body and health to pieces starting at age 18. They did this both electronically, and with bad doctors advice, and the real world issues like sleep deprivation and noise pollution, as well as any possible method of causing me to become exhausted (electromagnetic or otherwise). They also damaged my digestion very, very badly.
At seventeenish years old..
At 17, I was fit, health and fairly strong. I was quick, had good reflexes and my overall appearance was decent. However there were some minor things like muscle imbalances and tight shoulders. These were one of the relevant issues heading into the period of time after I finished high school. Overall posture/form/shape had one or two issues that didn’t affect my appearance much, but meant that I was less resistant to the attacks by the satellites/celltowers. That is, my shoulders and back were already tight.. my shoulders and back were already tight, and my upper body was stronger than my lower body (relatively - although I was working on it). Posture could have been a little better: but be careful with that. In terms of appearance I was fine. But in terms of susceptibility to one particular type of “electromagnetic nervous system abrade” I wasn’t 110 resistant. This is a nuanced point. One more nuanced point: in terms of posture/form/shape as it relates to sport, my tight shoulders reduced the quality of certain of my table tennis shots, reduced the reach of my straight punches in boxing slightly. And at the age of 18, I felt that I needed to work on my squat form a bit before trying to increase my numbers. That last one was a big one for me. So I started doing body weight squats along side barbell squats, until my form improved. They took my health out after I finished high school anyway. Sorry, that was a ton of overexplaining.
But the thing that took me out in the end was that they waged massive overwhelming systematic undeclared war upon my health, fitness and wellbeing. Including electronic and other means, and blocking me from finding appropriate healthcare. And giving me deliberately bad doctors. Without all of that, I would have been totally fine, totally healthy, and nice and fit.
I seem to have had quite badly tightened back muscles my whole life. The issues were relatively mild, and I was still functioning perfectly well. Think: muscle imbalances, poor biomechanics, screwed up feet/ankles. But still pretty much okay.]]
According to someone I met at age 20 (Halle), I looked totally normal in every possible way. Note: By that point, I had lost weight (muscle). I hadn’t worked out in two years, and so would have lost muscle and weight by then. And would have looked like a fairly ordinary slim guy. Maybe looked a little bit weak (I’m sorry to have to admit it, but it’s true). She was some chick I met on the train. Sent to seduce me ahahaha. But there was no way that was going to work, because of the whole Christian no adultery thing.
I really was pretty much normal. Like, really.
Wait a minute:
edit. The thing that took me out was when they started damaging me really badly at the age of 18 and this whole page needs a hard rewrite.
End of 7th form, into Europe trip, and then university
Then comes the end of 7th form. After which, I went to Europe. I was hit by many abrades there. I became quite sick. At the time, I did not know that “abrades” even existed. Many, many, many abrades. I experienced a lot of sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation + a ton of abrades = massive issues with my health. Quality of accomodation was low, we moved often. Not enough sleep. Insufficient rest. She was messing with me so that I couldn’t get enough rest. It takes its toll. By the end of the overseas trip, I’m a different person. It’s awful. That was the turning point for me, in terms of health. From the start of that trip onwards my life is [caveat, will confirm fully later] my life is pretty abrade heavy. Heavy on abrades. Like: wake you up at night abrades, 5 times a night. Make you sweat randomly abrade. Make you weak and dizzy abrades. Tighten your back so that push ups just aren’t good any more abrades. Make you fatigued abrades. And also, people would work to deprive me of sleep in normal ways… [my parents were dismissive of any complaints I made about health. Basically ignored my complaints. Alienated me a bit tbh.]
By age 18/19(first year university) my health is ruined and I’m never the same again. And then I keep on getting hit by abrades even once I’m at university… umm. Basically the biggest issue is that I keep getting hurt by electronic telecommunications towers. It’s like assault/battery lol… (umm, I could have handled boxing or other sports for life, without the “abrades”. Even if a bit unco (biomechanical issues).) I just couldn’t handle the massive abrade warfare.
I have attached three photos. More to follow.
Umm. There’s more information. But not right now. [note: I’m only up to age 18, but I’ll add more later. Bigger damage happened later. Things got much worse. Very, very bad by 24ish . Basically destroyed by 28. I’ll have to write it up later.]
// part two is a work in progress
// I’ll have to recap a bit for part two
// I just have to recap a bit, but I’ll manage..
// I’ll recap discussion of physical stuff, and then recap europe
Sunday, 25th May,
PART TWO:
Random discussion of muscle imbalances and body awareness (draft/WIP)
Let’s get up to speed after the previous discussion of health. We can start as of halfway through 2006 (July/August etc)
Ummm, I’ve had some issues my whole life. Mostly related to muscle imbalances.
As of about 17 (nearly 18) I had some muscle imbalances/biomechanics issues. To start with, I had overly dominant adductors + iliopsoas muscles. I had underdeveloped glutes and slightly underdeveloped quads. I had tight back muscles. And some problems with my feet/ankles (vaguely duck footed, and ankles rolled in) probably from early in life (thanks dad for teaching me to walk wrong!).
I think that the overly dominant groin muscles + iliopsoas + duck feet disguised the “back abrade (and other abrades)” because my body awareness isn’t very good and caused flow on issues to my back. This means that the back abrade could be used without my being fully aware of it. And I could get worse and worse from it, without full awareness.
In spite of this, I was still strongish, and fit enough. I could still ride a bicycle, do push-ups, pull-ups and planks (crunches, captains chair, side planks). I did bicep curls, and bench press. I had stopped with boxing, but still would jump rope. I was vaguely fit. 61 kg(ish). Had abs (lol). Umm. I could play table tennis. But still had the muscle imbalances. Life was still good.
[Tldr, not a “widge” at 17. I was basically a functional human being!!?? It is hard to communicate!!?? IMO, posture issues, muscle imbalances, but solid reflexes and coordination/strength. I.e. can play table tennis, used to box. Really solid reflexes for things like halo and natural selection. Can play a little piano, stuff like imagine, let it be. A fair bit of misunderstanding. I wasn’t a cripple/ at age 17, just a guy with screwed up feet/ankles and some biomechanics issues relating to my hips. But I was strong, and that made up for any biomechanics issue and/or feet issues. At least it did, until the abrades hit…Ummmm, I could handle a rock climbing wall okay. And I’ve done actual rock climbing, abseiling. I’m like, tolerable at those things.
Update:
Update: there are other articles out there which are better than this one.
By the way, when I was about 18 years old, I could bench 60kg, and could squat about 70kg. My regular squat weight was about 60 kg. And regular bench weight was about 40kg iirc. I was working on improving my squat. I weighed approximately 61kg. I was in good shape.
Massive digression: I was actually in pretty good shape at the age of 18. But at the same time I had some issues with muscle imbalances, and body mechanics. I also had imperfect posture and imperfect gait. As a result of these, I was slightly more susceptible to the covert harm that they did to me via my own muscles starting in December 2006. That is, they flew beneath the radar a bit. This is because the hips were slightly turned out, and my muscle awareness for my iliacus and psoas and other over muscles was imperfect. There is some nuance here.
End of Random discussion of muscle imbalances and body awareness (draft/WIP)
Update to clear away silliness: Aesthetics: in terms of body, I looked fairly nice, without looking amazing. Other people report that I looked “awesome” (a friend from school who had a pool), another person said “I was the standard” which is a compliment. A different friend exclaimed out of the blue, “you got buff!” when I visited him after not seeing him for months. Amanda bragged to a friend on MSN that I had a six pack when we were 18 (personally, I described it as a “softly defined” six pack). I would say that I was relatively slim, but had built some muscle. And had focussed on my abs in particular. And so of course I had some abdominal development - I had muscle there. And then not too much fat! I had a decent and appropriate amount of muscle definition. I had also developed my shoulders, chest and arms.
In terms of body mechanics, there were some relatively modest issues with form and shape that had no impact on aesthetics, but had an effect of susceptibility to the electromagnetic attacks on my back that happened later. The attacks on my back were one of the top five ways that they harmed me from 18-33. But other issues existed too, such as: attacks on my digestion electronically, and attacks on my sleep, attacks on my energy levels directly, noise pollution, physical sleep deprivation (um. Amanda waking me up often), repeated sleep deprivation by electronic means etc. I also suffered from doctors and physios giving me deliberately bad treatments. The mild muscle imbalances (like tight shoulders) affected the susceptibility I had to one of these abrades, but not all of them. And they didn’t ruin me aesthetically. And the Chinese and Paul and other people like Siobhan deliberately misrepresented the situation. Often by misreporting things I said, when I didn’t even want to talk to them. FWIW, I often walk to myself just to pass the time. And they are talking to me often something like 18-19 hours per day. It’s a lot. So I just waffle on and daydream in my head. I do it to obscure my thoughts, and protect my mind, and to keep myself sane.
I’ll rewrite this whole post eventually.
********************
Pick up the story at about July/August 2006.
// this part hasn’t even been done. It’s not even a draft, it’s just fluff. I’m a bit exhausted, will do it later.
//please do not criticise anything I say in here, still wip
I got together with Amanda sometime in 7th form. I finished up the year at Paraparaumu College, had too many exams.
The first few fatigue abrades started happening sometime around the last holiday break around 2006? But I don’t remember.
I went overseas for a while. First I spent a week with Aunty Wendy. I was really exhausted and unwell. And then to Europe to see my mother for 7 weeks. There were MANY abrades.
It was hell. Very unwell. I was wiped out and exhausted. It was a horrible. Horrible trip. I cannot put into words how awful it was. Abrades, lack of sleep. Exhaustion. It made me a lot worse. I asked my mother to send me home, again and again, so that I could rest. I asked my father to take me back home. No answer. I was really sick. There was no help forthcoming. My mother used this holiday to break my health. I also had significant digestive problems relation to whatever was done to me. We just went from place to place, again and again. Umm. We could have stayed at just one place? Like her home in France? So I could relax..?? But she insisted on backpacking around with me while I was sick already. And I think she was abrading me too (or Amanda was).. it is horrible!! I desperately needed a bit of rest, but I couldn’t get it!!
****************
Raroa Road, Kelburn.
Then first year university, where I was hit by a metric fuckton (correct technical term) of abrades. So many abrades. So, so, so many abrades. Sleep, sweat, fatigue, back tightening, and who knows what else. Sometimes I used to wake up every 90 minutes exactly due to abrades.
Then Hathaway Avenue (awful):
Poor sleep, very cold. Too many abrades.
FWIW, I tried yoga here, without good effect. Tried a hatha class, and an ashtanga, and tried stuff from a book. No success. The back tighten abrade was already bit of a problem… doing yoga at that age made me unwell. It hurt me a bit. I think that there was a back tighten abrade that meant that yoga ended up being really bad for me.
Here I am at that age (Hathaway Avenue):
Hansen Street.
In 2nd year university, Hansen street there were road works going until 12 pm every night, and construction next door, and the door deliberately slammed (broken door dampener). I had very little sleep. And so, so, so many problems. There was tons of abrade. I was losing weight and getting weaker.
Umm. I am hit by an enormous amount of abrades in Hanson street. A mega fucking nightmare of uber abrades. I lose weight, i get weaker, I am always very badly sleep deprived. I think my back is tightened badly, but not fully aware (due to weird bio mechanics).
I’m actually pretty sick by now. Like, really sick. It’s awful. I have to move back to Kapiti. My life is awful. Really awful, and I’m miserable. Kinda scary skinny. Maybe not scary skinny, but definitely lost weight. Muscle too. It’s awful.
Moved to Weka Road, Kapiti. At the two thirds point of my second year.
Age 20, summer holidays, after 2nd year uni
Still living at Weka Road
In the summer holidays, I had a chance meeting in train with a woman named Halle. According to her, I looked totally normal..
// Halle confirms. Looked totally normal in every possible way at age 20. Shoulders bunched a little bit
Later on.. I had to drop out at the start of third year due to illness/problems.. I was already pretty unwell, and then got a bit sick, so had to drop out..
Tried to go back at the fourth year, and had to drop out halfway through my first term.
By about age 23/24, I could no longer lay in bed to read. like, supporting myself in bed to read wasn’t comfy?? Because spinal abrade [explain more later] Very strange
[over the past 5ish years, I have suffered so many abrades. The nervous system telco towers have triggered so many things that cause my nervous system to malfunction and munt itself and I am so long term sleep deprived..]
Video games aren’t viable anymore at 23ish
Massive digestive issues.
Doctors sabotaged (this is true, but unwilling to fight to prove it) both local, and wellington
AND physiotherapist/sabotaged
Moved house at about the age of 24 all of a sudden.
[that’s all for now, I’ll try to finish more of it later. But the tldr is that I stagnated and/or got worse… umm. 24 to 27 was bizarre. Like, really weird. But anyway. My spine abrade got worse, and then like, the bad thing that happened at 27 happened. I’ll try to explain later. I’m really not explaining it well. But am badly sleep deprived. Please be aware that I am badly sleep deprived. And have been badly sleep deprived for ages.]
Here are a few photos from 2007, and one from 2012.
Now living at Princeton road…
Stuff happened, later.
Ummm. Abraded etc, and other stuff (added later) until the bad thing that happened at age 27 etc - will explain later [is explained on torso compromised page, but not well. Btw, that article isn’t well written]
[[draft WIP: the thing happened where an argument happened, and a cup gained velocity. The “abrade” increased dramatically. the thing that happened at age 27 happened soon after.]] that is a draft suggestion of how to describe
When the argument happened, my spine was already kinda fucked (due to abrade)… discuss more later.
==> the thing happened to my spine, it is in the “torso integrity compromised” page. It might be better to understate it.
Umm. The support of my spine just collapsed one day. It just went. It had been a strange couple of weeks. And it just went. It is, and was the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
It can’t put it into words.
******
Please go to “how I got this way pt two”
This page, how did I get this way part one. It really is sub par. I need to tear it to pieces and start again.
I think that I will have go at it sometime in the next few days. It is Tuesday 27th January today. In the meantime, it’ll have to do. There are some other pages that might help. Misc stories, disambiguation, setting the record straight, grab bag. All of those pages have useful information in them. As to my life story. When, and why, and how did they take me out? Is another useful page. And then doctors and health page have some useful information. But it is all scattered. It is really quite messy. But I do intend to do a better job of putting it all together. The thing to remember is that I was healthy at the age of 16,17 and 18. And then they started hitting me with a bunch of stuff. Especially misc stories.
Ps: I was wrong about Amanda, her feeling insulted, and back tightening starting at age 16. It didn’t start until the age of 18.
Here is the cut segment. I think that the verbal exchange was deemed important by the computer systems for other reasons. I think that they used it to falsely designate me as a “bully” back when I was young… even though I was a pretty big fan of things like the golden rule.
Abrades started at 16. Back abrades by Amanda, because I “insulted” her. How did I insult her? She said, “I like fast food, McDonald’s, fish and chips.” I said, “it shows” (deadpan delivery). The particular abrade was a back tighten abrade, I think.. but I don’t know for sure. [I think I ought have been incorrect about this being the time that abrades started!]
I didn’t think it was a particularly severe insult, just a mild insinuation made in good humour. Umm. Just banter !!?!?!?!?! 🫠
That back abrade, combined with pre existing issues, caused problems going forward…
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