The grab bag

A grab bag, variety mix, medley of snippets from other parts of my blog. A curated collection.

It is part “general disambiguation” and part “misc stories” and part philosophy. And a little bit about my personal outlook on life.

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Health

I got really sick all of a sudden at about the age of 18, around the middle of December 2006. I stayed sick, and I never recovered. It was kind of a mystery illness.

Before I got sick, I was pretty fit and fairly strong. And then I wasn’t.

This is perhaps the most important part of my life story.

Something extremely bad happened to my back/torso in late 2016 and I became crippled. This affected everything in my life. It stayed bad. It was extremely bad for many years, and still is.

I was already pretty unwell and sick before that.

This is perhaps the second most important part of my life story, but probably the most awful.

I am “under explaining” this issue.

And understating it as well.

I was born in 1988.

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Background, basic educational

Statistics and Logic

I learned a little bit of things like boolean algebra and logic gates in my information science class, and conditional probability, and also things like poisson distributions, standard normal distribution, binomials etc in statistics in school. As did many people.

It isn’t a brag! It is just a normal part of life, and I have forgotten much of it.

I also fooled around with coding, programming and graphics. Including object oriented programming. I was a bit of a dilettante though.

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Background and clarification:

Abstract thinking

I enjoy abstract thinking, and I am good at it.

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Read me please

Read these two articles please, they are very important:

Firstly, a history of a few things relating to my health:

Health

Read me also

Secondly, a history of a few things including Sarah (lawyer), my personal policy of honesty, and discussion of my “collapsed torso”, and the severe suffering associated with that over the years.

Clarification

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Those two articles are incredibly important.

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Another disambiguation page

There is another disambiguation page here.

It is about living with my torso being partially and/or badly collapsed inwards, but also held/kept in that state long term, by means of tautness and pressure from my core muscles (such as psoas and iliacus).

And a few other things about how I avoid deliberate dishonesty. I.e. not lying.

*This the same page as the previous link also, just a different blurb. I just edited my pages..

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Further information:

Harm from satellites

I have been unemployed and unemployable since age 20, for health reasons. And I was very heavily incapacitated from age 26 to 32. And I was also very sick aged 18 to 20 also.

Largely due to satellites, or other electromagnetic tools/weapons.

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Disambiguate, and clarify:

Very badly crippled and disabled

From 2016 to 2022, I was so badly crippled/disabled that I was unable to take care of myself (basic hygiene and grooming). I could not dress myself properly. And I was unable to even walk down the street.

This is one of the most important facts or parts of information about my life, alongside the sudden loss of my health at age 18.

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Clarification on South Korea

Amanda and Brynn love Korea and Korean music.

I like Korea, I think it is a cool place, but no more so than places like Taiwan, Phillipines, Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia etc. Also places like Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, China Mongolia, Myanmar (Burma), Brunei are really cool too. Umm. I have to admit I love Japan though (sorry, no offence meant, I know there is bad blood there).

Ps: I was misrepresented as being someone who was obsessed with Korea? Or Korean pop culture? But I am not.

PPS: Amanda loved websites like koreaboo, and used to watch the show “eat your kimchi” on YouTube

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Disambiguate:

Children

They wanted me to have a bunch of kids. Or so I thought. But I don’t want to have a bunch of kids with them. Not really. I think kids deserve better mothers.

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From age 18 onwards (after the trip to Europe), I had ongoing health issues. But my father denied that I was sick. He acted like "it was all in my head".

Amanda never acted like my health problems were all in my head.

I was actually really unwell.

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Restatement for clarity:

I genuinely suffered very badly from 2016 to 2022.

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Disambiguation:

Warpath

My family (father, brother, ex wife) acts like I was on a warpath from age 18 onwards to destroy the system. But I wasn't. I was actually really unwell from age 18 onwards.

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Politics when young

Clarification:

Question: what did I "want" politically when I was about 18-22.

Answer: When I was twenty I "wanted" to reform the system in favour of the people, as opposed to the corporations, politicians and bureaucrats. That is what I meant by “destroy the system”. But they were just day dreams? And theorising. It was just my way of passing the time, when I was sick?

I wasn't even in a political party? And I had no experience? I was studying commerce at university.

At the same time, I wanted either to be an inventor and video game designer, or to get back to university to finish my degree.

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Disambiguation:

Lily

I would have loved to have taken care of Lily, and had custody of her.

But I cannot even begin to fit that conversation into the rubric of their conversational style. Or their methods of interrogation. Not realistically.

Also, ages back (like Raine street), I had no idea what the underlying cause of my severe disability was. Therefore I was in no position to plan out what I wanted to do with ny life.

So I'll have to just post this statement, as is.

This was a “disambiguation post”.

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Badly Impaired

I was very badly impaired from 2012 to 2016. There were many things I couldn’t do.

I couldn’t lay on my side to sleep in bed.

I couldn’t rest normally on my back in bed.

I had usually to sleep on my front.

I couldn’t play board games with my friends.

I couldn’t socialise and enjoy normal conversation.

I couldn’t sit and write or study at my desk like a normal person.

I couldn’t exercise, other than walking. And walking was sometimes touch and go.

This is because they used long term infiltration of my nervous system via remote control nerve splicing to alter the tension of various muscles in my body so that they could change the long term postural patterns leaving me badly impaired. I think they created tautness/tightness in my core muscles 24/7 for a fair bit of the time during those years. And therefore construction in my torso. Note: a lot of it flew beneath the radar in a way.

My posture and back were ruined.

I had long term back problems because of what they did, and had many physiotherapists and other doctors make me worse. I also had alternative providers that sometimes helped relieve symptoms, sometimes improved the situation, sometimes made me worse. This has been explained elsewhere.

As explained elsewhere, I became fully crippled in 2016. But that didn’t come out of nowhere.

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Physiotherapists

One at Victoria University Student Physio

Nathan Scott, Team Medical (pastor’s kid, and worship leader at church)

TBI Kapiti (the back institute, two of them)

Raumati Beach Physio (got arrested for child porn)

Willis Street Physio (two of them, including Gayle Snyder)

There were a couple occupational therapists that I saw around 2019 (I can’t recall sorry, but there was literally nothing they could do. I think they were very dishonest. That whole thing was very shady. Extremely shady! And also may have involved Janet Turnbull, NZOM.) by that point, my body was locked down by remote control 24/7. This is discussed elsewhere, such as in drop box of garbage v3. The integrity of my back/shoulders was compromised, along with my hips/pelvis, and feet/ankles.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to write up the whole story.

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Awareness of Inner Muscles

I am not directly aware of my iliacus and psoas. I am only _indirectly_ aware of them (maybe by "inference", wrong word, but whatever).

Mini Squats

I used to so 3 sets of 100 mini squats. At one point I was doing even up to 4 sets of 100 mini squats back at 17 Princeton Road, but I couldn't fix my problems (I did improve a fair at the time though). I was also doing hundreds daily at Raine Street. I knew that there was an issue with my iliopsoas, and thought that I could fix it by reprogramming the way the hips worked in squats. I was trying to "reprogram" my body. But I was getting blocked by remote control.

Ps: they are a special type of squats, which focus on the hip hinge.

Pls: I have to totally rewrite this section. It is awful. Just pure garbage. But it’s all I can do for now.

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What happened back 2016 to 2022:

Was not “just de-conditioning”.

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General background, aka general life history

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Define:

Epistemology

The theory of knowledge, especially with regard to its methods, validity, and scope, and the distinction between justified belief and opinion.

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Disambiguate:

Epistemology

I learned about epistemology in university, including a few books about the scientific method.

Ummm. There is more. But I don’t want to over explain.

I learned a fair bit of epistemology within and via other subjects. As well as wide reading.

This section is understated.

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Severity of 2016-2022

Given the severity of what I experienced from 2016 to 2022, and the amount of suffering I went through, I feel that many of the questions I have been asked over the past three years are just plain asinine.

~I’m just leaving this here~

~without explanation~

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Copthorne Hotel Incident

The suffering I experienced was extremely significant. It really was quite severe.

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Disambiguate:

I don’t like jogging.

I don't love jogging, I always hated it.

Running is okay though. By that I mean normal quantities of running in short bursts in a game of hockey or soccer

or other sports. When I was young (5-18), I was okay with running in sports.

I also was able to do the “beep test” in PE.

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I tend to over explain...

But I have had my core muscles contracted/tightened up since 2011.

I did not know that the fae (aka shadow oligarchy) existed until 2022. The group of people we call “philosopher-kings” distributed throughout society. The people who coordinate with one another to be cruel to others.

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Basic background, disambiguate

Family: Russians, Kazakhstan, China

Some of my in-laws were Kazakhstan-Russians. They are ethnically Russian, speak Russian and are from Kazakhstan. Amanda’s stepmother, and her stepmother’s parents. And stepmother’s brother.

My stepmother is Chinese, from Beijing. Her parents are/were sometimes in NZ.

Not interesting at all, but whatever.

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Matthew used to pull the wings and legs off of flies. He would freeze them in the freezer first, revive them with salt. And then dismember them with pins.

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Khandallah, Music and Masturbation

I was tormented quite badly back in Khandallah, with the “music and masturbation” thing. It caused quite severe mental and cognitive suffering. I had to masturbate literally all day every day while trying to flirt via music. Like 14-18 hour days?

It was awful.

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Disambiguation:

Provided without justification or explanation:

Digestion

My digestive problems were quite severe.

Extremely severe at certain points. Extraordinarily severe.

They caused me a lot of harm. And a lot of suffering.

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Epistemology

I have studied some epistemology, both at university and outside of it.

Including some epistemology relating to statistics. And also studied a bit about the scientific method/s.

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Sin/debauchery

During the indoctrination process, I was told to engage in sinful, debauched sex. At one point (while in the motel Midway Pacifica) the “doctor” told me via instagram that I am required to have anal sex at least five times per day, just to survive. I was also told that I needed “mud”.

This happened fairly early on.

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Description of 2016-2022

They imprisoned me in my body for 6 years, using my own muscles. And they did it in a way that was completely and utterly horrifying.

~picture painted~

~wording imperfect~

~description provided~

I am unsure if it will be understood. But I wrote it anyway.

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Chinese Language School Students

I lived with Chinese language school students when I was a teenager. They were pretty cool.

The Chinese

I have lived with Chinese people, eaten with them, spoke with them. And I like them.

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Late 2016 - early 2022

This thing called disassociation exists.

It can be a useful tool.

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Retrograde amnesia also exists.

Although it isn’t always voluntary.

Large swathes of time went missing from between late 2016 and about 2018. Which had to later be deliberately rebuilt reconstructed.

~descriptive~

~please don’t treat this as being accusatory~

Edit: I had legitimate retrograde amnesia because of the physical issues around 2016-2018.

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Paraparaumu

Paraparaumu, where I went to High School, used to be a glorified old folks home. It was full of old people. It wasn't exactly a bustling city full of young people? The demographics skewed old. It used to be referred to as “heavens waiting room”.

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// this next segment is really badly written, because I can’t quite find the right words

Music Thing, and shower thing

Question: Why did I do the "music" thing? Where I masturbated all day every day for 76 days while trying to "flirt" vis music choice on Spotify?

Answer: it is because I was being threatened, and couldn't escape.

For those of you who don’t know, I masturbated all day every day for about two months, and in the middle of it, I moved house. And it was awful. It was severe mental torment, and very degrading.

[Note, disclaimer: I haven't fully defined and clarified every part of this statement. But the gist of it is fine. It is a "gestalt/gist" statement that paints a picture, rather than presents perfect inarguable truth. Their opinion is that I could have escaped by just walking off. My opinion is that I couldn’t have escaped].

Note 2: I possibly should censor some stuff, to avoid getting banned

What did they threaten me with?

They threatened me with this thing they called the “crematorium”. Which I thought to mean that they would damage me so badly with heat, dehydration and a variety of issues that I might be maimed for ages.

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Also, I thought I was on literal camera the whole time! It was awful! I thought all of them were pervert freaks. Watching me do stuff! I had to cover my face with a t-shirt because I didn’t want people to watch me doing “things”. It’s disgusting.

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I was threatened with massive violence early on. With the signals “budget” and “crematorium”.

My assumption back in Khandallah was that they intended to damage me so much that if I ever wanted custody or justice re: Lily, that I’d be too sick to fight for either. Or to even be healthy enough to visit and use the courts system.

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Why did I do the "shower thing" with brainwashing?

I was being threatened with having to get a colostomy bag (implied) and having my feet amputated (implied). Also, they held out the "carrot" of having my health restored.

So I played along? I wanted my health back.

Questions of theory of mind

And my mind wasn't totally gone during that episode. The "observer/governor" element of my mind was still functioning. It is just that the inner monologue, or dialogue was a bit disrupted.

They acted like my mind was gone, but it wasn’t.

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Vague musings, apropos of nothing:

Physics and Mathematics and Science

Rutherford: A Force of Nature by Richard Reeves

Faraday, Maxwell and the Electromagnetic Field by Nancy Forbes and Basil Mahon

The Alchemy of Air by Thomas Hagar

The Language of Mathematics - Keith Devlin

Structures or why things don't fall down - J. E. Gordon

I love Rutherford, I visited his Canterbury University laboratory (now arts centre) the other day. And even there, reading the plaque and writing on the wall, I learned something new and useful about radio waves.

Thanks Roman "always read the plaque" Mars. You can see it in the memory banks afaik.

I can vouch for books one, four and five. The other two are on my to read pile.

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More pop science

Sapiens by Yuval Harari and A short history of nearly everything by Bill Bryson are also good reads, and very easy. Both of them are “pop sci”, but it is really helpful stuff. I learned more about anthropology from Christian missionary (and translation) sources like the Dayuma Story, and archaeology though, but Yuval is fun and easy enough to digest (although a little politically correct). Treat them as colour, and flavour. A taster session.

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Other education

Regrettably, I had to drop out halfway through commercial law 201 at University, due to poor health. I only finished 6 weeks. Also, I finished the laws121 textbook, and promptly forgot almost everything. But we covered a smidge of trust law and constitutional law in business school. Oh, and there is a bit of law and regulation woven into accounting, a bit.

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Disambiguation:

Lily

I actually really like Lily, and I’d love to have custody of her.

But I am not well enough to take good care of a child.

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Glynn Periam

Disambiguation:

Glynn Periam’s late father Roy was my Nana’s cousin.

The Periam clan are family by blood, as well as family friends. Eileen and Roy had three other children. The other siblings are Colin, Sally and Anne Marie. Nana is good friends with Glynn’s mother Eileen. Eileen is not a blood relative.

My father and Glynn were (and are) long term friends. I saw lots of Glynn growing up.

Glynn was a barefoot, vegetarian hippie.

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Nana

My Nana, Carole Solt, managed to get my Papa (Ivan Brody, the Hungarian Refugee, mentioned elsewhere) to marry her by threatening suicide if she broke up with her.

Later in life, she left him, turned the kids against him, and encouraged one of them (Monica) to falsely accuse him of pedophilia and child molestation.

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Health

Even in university 16 years ago I was experiencing quite significant symptoms, the cause of which I knew not.

I had to drop out.

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General life history

Clarification:

I did normal judo for about 6 months when I was 12. It was nothing special.

I did normal kickboxing (Muay Thai) for about 6 months when I was 14. I was nothing special.

I did normal boxing for about 9ish months when I was about 16. I was nothing special.

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The horrors lol

I have suffered genuine and significant horrors in my life lol. Due to poor health. And I didn’t even know how bad it was, or that it was cause by electronic stuff.

I had my health ruined progressively, for reasons that were unknown, and from causes unknown, until I just couldn’t do anything. And I ended up mega crippled for ages. It was mind bogglingly awful.

2011-2022 was awful lol. 2016-2022 was worse.

I just didn’t have control over my own body, and I didn’t know why!!!

You can’t take it too seriously, or “insist on it”, or you actually go insane. Okay? So you find a way to view things differently in your own mind. A different way to view things in your own mind.

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I grew up with a family culture of sarcasm, banter, humour, argument, and debate. It was fun, and (I assumed at the time) good natured. There was a lot of good natured verbal sparring, and humorous, clever insults. We spent a lot of time together. Me, myself and my father. Everything was interspersed with argument, debate, and clever remarks. This ought to be taken into account when I talk about the religious aspects of my upbringing. When you look at things like my beliefs in “honour your father and mother”. That goes hand in hand with the humour and debate side of things. Okay?

Everything was interspersed with “argument”. We were always trying to prove one another wrong by debate???And then insult one another, by implying that the other person is unintelligent, or to otherwise disrespect them. I think my father said he did it to sharpen our minds..

Banter and argument go hand in hand with christianity. Which I think provides a solid response to the idea that I would "whatever" my parents...

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We were a hardcore Christian family of true believers.

Paul secretly hated his son because his son was a Christian. And his son wanted to do whatever was good and right and true and honest. And David always wanted to do what he was supposed to do. And Paul hated it because… David unironically wanted to do good! And genuinely believed the supernatural stuff! But Paul wanted to be a bad person, and for David to be a bad person too!

Paul acted like he loved his son. And valued him. David was in the dark about this! David loved both of this parents!!!

Ummmm. And David believed Christianity literally. And that the Bible was the literal and inerrant word of God. He believed in literal heaven and hell. And literal ever lasting life. And literal end times stuff like the mark of the beast.

He believed in things like the Ten Commandments. And the sinners prayer. And has believed in Christianity since he was little. He went to a private Christian school that used the ACE system!! And a Pentecostal church followed by a Baptist Church. He prayed the sinners prayer over and over again

He read all of the Christian books on the shelf. Or at least most of them (because he was a voracious reader, and his father was in ministry part time) and believed much of what he read completely. He was a total believer.

He believed in the commandment "honour your father and mother". And that this is usually interpreted as you must obey them. Yes, we were a “read a scripture and interpret it family” to figure out what you are supposed to do.

He believed in all of the ten commandments.

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Vignette/memory:

David used to go to church with his father. His father would hold him in his arms and sing. David remembered resting his ear against his father’s chest to hear the sound of his father’s voice through his father’s chest.

Ummm. If we didn’t have church, because we missed it in Sunday. We would have “home church”. Dad would read the Bible to us, and talk about it. We would pray as a family. Maybe Matthew and I would have Bible readings to do.

I used to memorise Bible verses, or whole chapters. I might discuss this more later.

End.

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I always loved the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett, all forty of them. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams was good too, all five in the series.

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Repost:

Between bluff and today

Between Bluff (14th March) and today (15th August), (five months) I experienced an enormous amount of physical mistreatment, a great deal of pain and suffering, and incurred severe and lasting physical damage.

Exact definitions (i.e. torture, or torment, or cruel and unusual punishment) can be tricky within this philosophical (semantic/philological/linguistic/etymological) environment. But it has been pretty severe.

Also, maybe they are doing this to cover their arses regarding what happened from 2016 to 2022.

I am deliberately vague about what/who "they" are. But try thinking of it in terms of the business syndicate + friends/associates. See the syndicate post for more information. Paul, Xi, Siobhan, Brynn, Joseph, Matthew, Amanda, Anna, Clare, Sarah; others involved but not core members: Wu Lei, Way, Jesse, etc. also, Modi and George W Bush. John Key’s wife Bronagh.

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The last five months suffering and harm occurred after I attempted multiple times to offer to walk away empty handed (just to be safe, and to rehabilitate) AND after I tried to negotiate a peace back in Raine Street. Please see the General Disambiguation post for more information.

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Best starting point for bluff was probably that night when they started “doing things” to my back.

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Paul Solt’s Knee

Paul wanted to go pro in table tennis, but ended up with a knee problem at about the age of twenty. He had some sort of growth full of pus and fluid in the side of his knee. He had to get surgery to fix it, but the surgery damaged his knee (they scraped out a lot of gunk, but also scraped out a lot of cartilage). Rehabilitation went very, very badly. And he couldn't walk for ages. He was disabled.

He eventually recovered, but still had problems as a result of the surgery.

I think he also became very depressed at the time, and took up piano instead.

That put an end to his hopes of professional sporting success.

He was also a fanatical “middle distance” runner. He ran a huge amount in his youth.

Ps: he now has knee issues even for things like cycling or basic body weight squats

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Banter

My father trained me to be a bit of a smart alec when I was young. We enjoyed clever, slightly combative banter. My mother was part of it too. She engaged in clever banter and insults also. It was just the way our family was! It was normal.

It was a normal part of Kiwi culture at the time.

It was 30 years ago!?

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Rugby

I played lunch time tackle rugby at school when I was about 8-10 years old, and plenty of it. I loved it.

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At certain points in my life, I followed the Billy Graham rule.

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Corporal Punishment

There was a fairly normal use of corporal punishment in my home growing up.

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Loss of health

At age 18 (final year of high school)…

I was a little under 5ft 6, weighed 61 kg.

I was fit enough to jump rope, play soccer, play table tennis, leap a fence, squat a barbell of my own body weight 60kg (for reps, I think I was doing 3x8 reps*), bench 40kg, do 24 pull ups in a session (8-6-6-4), do 100 pushups in a session (5 sets 20), cycle, jog, box. I could do 50 consecutive push ups (I don’t think that I ever tested out my personal best for consecutive pushups after I started using barbells, so it would have been higher than 50 lol. Pushups are a training tool! Not a source of “social proof”). At the time I believed the dogma that once you “maxed out” your pushups at 5x20, you should switch to bench press, for a more appropriate level of training stimulus. I could do a decent gym workout if I wanted to, including cardio (even though I hated “steady state” cardio, and preferred walking, cycling and jump rope). I was fit and healthy.

And then my health got destroyed.

* [my memory is patchy as to sets and reps, it was 18 years ago after all. And I felt that I needed to improve my form etc before trying to lift more? I could have lifted more, but I didn’t feel that it was wise to push myself too much. I have done heavier squats, like maybe 70ish but my regular was 60 iirc.]

In Europe, my health got destroyed, and I never was able to do a gym workout again. And never regained the health and fitness lost. It was night and day, black and white. I also tried to regain fitness by running and swimming, but was unable to.

Bottom line: my health and fitness were fine, but then my health got destroyed.

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ESL Students

I grew up around a bunch of ESL students. And so I am used to them.

Some were doing TOEFL or IELTS. Some were in High School, some were in language school.

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Amanda and I were a married couple. We were Christians when we got married.

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Husband and wife

Going back to about the age of twenty…

Amanda was my wife. We were a married couple. We were Christians, she cared about me and I cared about her.

She converted to Christianity in her final year of high school, and was later baptised at the Coast Community Church.

Amanda and relationship:

Amanda was my wife, we were a couple, and I loved her.

I basically enjoyed normal sex with her.

It was nice. I loved her and I cared about her. And I treated her like I loved and cared about her. I enjoyed sleeping with her. I was happy with her, at least in that way.

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I enjoy listening to brain dead zombie garbage pop music sometimes. I don’t think it’s a big deal.

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Pornography

I am anti pornography. It is degrading towards women. It is exploitative towards performers and encourages violence towards women.

It is also harmful towards the men who consume it. They become desensitised to sexual violence. And it gives them unrealistic expectations when it comes to both women’s appearance and performance. It devalues women in the eyes of men.

And it is actually just gross.

I read about it from both a feminist point of view and a Christian point of view.

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Floors

I am currently walking around on floors that have memory foam beneath the vinyl. This causes me problems with my feet, ankles and hips.

Please note: I already have problems with my feet, ankles, hips and back.

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Evangelical Christianity

I grew up as an “evangelical Christian”.

And went to Baptist or Pentecostal churches.

And I went to a private Christian School that was based on American style evangelical Christianity.

PPS: There were injunctions against lust/sinful thoughts about sex in this religion. You weren’t even supposed to look at “lust inducing” content on tv lol. Sort of. And it was sinful to “dwell on” lustful thoughts or fantasies. To briefly think of them wasn’t a bit deal, but to dwell on them was.

See:

Matthew 5:27 (sermon on the mount)

Phillipians 4:8

2 Corinthians 10:5

2 Timothy 2:22

1 Corinthians 6:18

That was the sort of background I had when I was young. And might perhaps be one of the reasons I didn’t fantasise and/or feel as much lust as other people?

I stopped being religious a long time ago though. I need to do a better write up.

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Christian bookshop

When the local Christian book shop in Taupo went out of business, my parents took over. And my mother’s craft shop was used as the local Christian bookshop. We had several shelves of Christian books for sale.

We had friends who were missionaries. They went overseas to preach in crazy places.

My parents had a lot of friends involved in ministry. Especially youth ministry. They would often come to stay.

Quite a few staff from my Dad’s Christian Music Instrument shop in Taupo went to get involved in things like the Excel Performing Arts School, a significant Christian NZ performing arts school.

This was all back when I was young (eleven and younger) and living in Taupo.

Presbyterian

Later on (in Hawkes Bay), I went to a Presbyterianism church. Which was a little more “liberal” in outlook. And it was actually pretty good for me. And the youth group was fun. I don’t want to waste people’s time with more description here.

Kapiti

After that I went to the Coast Community Church. It was affiliated with the open brethren. Kind of half evangelical and half fundamentalist. They believed in missionary work, and in the authority of the Bible. My father wanted to go to the Pentecostal (the meadows) down the road. But I kind of got settled into the CCC.

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One more additional note: when I was young my father had a shelf full of ministry books (and other Christian books) and I read all of them. He was a youth pastor at one point.

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The scientific method

I was taught the basics about the scientific method in school. We learned about making observations and doing background reading, we learned about forming testable hypotheses, conducting experiments, analysing data, and drawing conclusions. And we learned about the way that conclusions can lead to more questions. And also learned a bit about the theories involved in taking measurements in physics. I studied general science up until fifth form, and physics in sixth and seventh form.

Once I got to university, I decided that I wanted to know a bit more about science, and the scientific method. So I went to the university library to find a few books about the scientific method. I checked them out, and read them. They were general sorts of books about the scientific method and problems associated with the field of science, and they were written by proper academics.

I wanted to learn about the underlying theories, practices and philosophies of science. And so I did. I did it by reading a few basic books in the field of science from the Victoria University library when I was 20.

Later in life, I listened to the following lecture series from the great courses by the teaching company (acquired by Amazon): Great Scientific Ideas That Changed the World by Steven L. Goldman. It was 36 lectures long.

Goldman was the Andrew W. Mellon Distinguished Professor in the Humanities at LeHigh University (now emeritus). He was in the philosophy department. Here is a link to his biography on Wikipedia, it is worth a quick read.

The lecture series was amazing, and if you want to know what sort of things I learned about then you might click through this link to look at the various lecture headings.

Blurb: Learn about transformative scientific discoveries that have altered history in this brilliant and fascinating course by an award-winning historian of science.

***

Philosophy

I also listened to this series by Daniel N. Robinson:

The Great Ideas of Philosophy, 2nd Edition, 60 lectures

A description of the course: “Explore the entire western philosophical tradition in this comprehensive introduction to the topic taught by a member of the philosophy department at Oxford.”

Daniel N. Robinson was an American psychologist who was a professor of psychology at Georgetown University and later in his life became a fellow of the faculty of philosophy at Oxford University. His fields of research included philosophy of mind, philosophy of psychology, philosophy of law, history of psychology.

Link to the professor’s biography

Link to the course itself

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There is more information about what I have learned about philosophy or science in other parts of my blog. Especially in my “books that I have read” page.

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Evil Women

Evil is not a turn on. Evil is a massive turn off.

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Epicurus

I really liked Epicurus and his philosophy.But I will note that the Wikipedia page doesn't do it justice. I think that there were decent numbers of people simply living their lives in these communes. I base this opinion on something I once learned about in archeology relating to Epicurus' teachings and communes.

Epicurus and Diogenes were perhaps my favourite of the Greek philosophers.

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The Christian Bible

I like the sermon on the mount.

I like the book of proverbs.

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In Praise of Idleness - Bertrand Russell

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Basic life history:

Walking

I used to religiously adhere to a habit of going for a 45 minute walk outside every day, back in 2014/2015 and I think through to early 2016. For a period of time it was 60 minutes a day.

There is more history about walking though.

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Basic family history:

Dad and Uncle Andy

My father and Uncle Andy were very good friends as young men. They were both massive fitness fanatics.

They were friends well before my father and mother got together.

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Cub Scouts

I went to cub scouts for a while. I attended one jamboree (or jamborette?), and one cub scouts camp.

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Disambiguation:

Money and power

I am not highly motivated by large sums of money, maybe moderately motivated, if that? But fear of poverty is a pretty big deal. I hope that makes sense. It is not that large sums of money mean nothing!! It is just that money is not the only thing in life. It would be nice to never have to worry about it though.

I am also not highly motivated by power.

I am not super greedy. And I am not power hungry.

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Between bluff and today

Also, maybe they are doing this to cover their arses regarding what happened from 2016 to 2022.

I am deliberately vague about what/who "they" are. But try thinking of it in terms of the business syndicate + friends/associates. See the syndicate post for more information. Paul, Xi, Siobhan, Brynn, Joseph, Matthew, Amanda, Anna, Clare, Sarah; Wu Lei, Way, Jesse, etc. also, modi and g.w. Bush. John Key’s wife Bronagh.

***

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Deprivation of hygiene from 2016 - 2022

Between 2016 and 2022, Paul, Joseph, Siobhan, Brynn, Amanda, Xi and their syndicate used my own muscles to deny me the use of my own arms and legs. I lacked the mobility to wash myself from 2016 to 2022. I experienced total deprivation of basic hygiene. It is a form of severe physical and mental degradation. I didn’t even really feel like a human being.

Total deprivation of hygiene is a significant form of torture. I didn’t even feel like a person. I felt like I was living like some sort of animal.

I had dead skin a millimetre thick on my back built up.. and the integrity of my skin was breaking down. I had dead skin, thick, on my legs and arms. Long toenails. And very thick dead skin on my feet. It was disgusting. I couldn’t wash my backside. Skin was breaking down a bit around that area. It was really bad. I didn’t wash my hair for 7 years. I had a very thick layer of grime on my scalp. I also couldn’t take proper care of my teeth. Or the skin on my face.

I had to have help from a woman to even wash my armpits and back. But that was challenging to cope with.

It was awful. People ought not to have to live like that.

PS: that doesn’t even cover other issues like having to hold my body stiff, even just to walk. Or massive loss of body awareness. And inability to even move properly between sitting and standing from the toilet.

Edit: upon reflection, I think that the term “cruel and unusual punishment of an extreme and severe kind” may have been more appropriate than the word torture. The use of the word torture was not inappropriate, and was actually true, as well as technically correct. But the new term is perhaps even more appropriate than the word torture, and is perhaps a better and more effective way of communicating underlying realities.

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Suffering 2016 to 2022

I experienced tremendous suffering from the years 2016 to 2022. I don’t want to explain why or how. I just want to state it as fact.

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Placeholder. Discuss later.

Consciousness, posture, mind-body-map. Movement, memory. Kinaesthetic awareness (aka body awareness, or proprioception). Suffering.

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I love books.

I love libraries.

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A quick clip from Disney’s “Alice and Wonderland”

https://youtu.be/G4fHre-yRPY?si=Vsu_w9maMz4Af5xZ

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Sword fighting

I had wanted to do sword fighting at university when I was 19 or 20 years old, but was unable to do so, because my health was bad.

I lost my health at the end of high school when I was on an overseas trip to Europe and never regained it.

I had been healthy enough in 7th form to do whatever I wanted. Weights, sports, whatever.

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Hacker Culture

I was interested in hacker culture back when I was 14. I read a hacker manifesto or two.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hacker_culture

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hacker_ethic

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_patents

Some of the ideas of “hacker culture” can be applied to the field of sociology and ‘civilisational design’.

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Disambiguate:

Chinese Women

Chinese women are beautiful too. As well as being “hot”, “pretty”, “cute”, or otherwise physically attractive.

The context: I was misquoted and misrepresented.

Clarification: Chinese women are beautiful too.

Second clarification: women from places like Japan, Thailand, the Phillipines, Southern Europe or Latin America are beautiful too. And Chinese are included in this.

I am over explaining. But sometimes it is necessary to over explain.

I am over explaining, but given that I have been misrepresented, I feel that it might be helpful to explain more thoroughly than might seem necessary at first glance.

And so I repeat: Chinese women are beautiful too. As well as being “hot”, “pretty”, “cute”, or otherwise physically attractive.

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What did I “want”?

I have been asked many times, what do you want?

_Especially back about two years ago._

That is a difficult question. Given my experiences from 2016-2022, and stuff since then 2022-2025; And stuff before then, 2006-2016, it is a really hard question to answer.

Ultimately, I have suffered enough. I’d like to simply be able to live my life in peace. But I am not allowed to.

Deep down, I wanted to be left alone, so that I could live my life in peace. I had suffered enough.

The world doesn’t make much sense to me, and the rules of thinking and consciousness and conversation make very little sense to me also. Or at least it made very little sense to me back then.

// I was deliberately vague and a little bit evasive in that statement

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For clarity,

Physically, I was a bit screwed up as a little kid, because my mum was a kidney transplant patient. But I got stronger and healthier over the years.

I had some pain, both chronic and acute as a child and teenager relating to this.

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Sport Shooting

I have always wanted to do a bit of target shooting. Mostly with rifles.

I have done a bit of target shooting before, with a .22, and would like to do more. I really enjoyed shooting with a .22 and would probably enjoy it as a hobby for a period of time.

I would also enjoy shooting something larger, such as a .306 half a dozen times at some point.

Maybe a little bit of hunting too, but probably not much. I’d just do that to get it off the bucket list. Just land one or two pigs? Or some tahr? I would probably like to go hunting about 2-3 times, total.

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Civil defense

For many, ownership of a rifle, or other suitable firearm, seems like a good idea for emergency and/civil defense purposes.

I don’t see any reason why not. They have them in Switzerland.

I don’t really need one at the moment, and besides my eye sight is too poor to even get a gun license.

Terms: Civil defense, aka crisis management, emergency management, emergency preparedness, contingency planning, civil contingency, civil aid and civil protection.

***

I addressed both of these topics just to get it out of the way.

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// you can skip this one if you like

Disambiguate:

Repost from the microblogs, because it seems to have been forgotten.

Monday, 21st July 2025

Xi Jinping declared me totally victorious, because I shagged Dasha and loved it. It is up to the women of NZ to honour it (the victory).

He also said “Dumb b**** ho’s”. (He called them dumb bitch ho’s.)

***

Sunday, 27th July 2025

Sunday:

Siobhan and Brynn said that they are mine in perpetuity. To do with them as I please.

***

Sunday, 10th August

Spoke briefly with Siobhan, Brynn, and Sarah last night. All three are in. That means I have three. This way I settle among them, and it creates peace.

One wants another child.

That is me sorted for the next year or two. And solves everything non violently.

Btw: I estimate that it will take me 12 months to physically recover, recuperate and fully rehabilitate (including from the damage 2016-2022 etc). Some people think that it will take only a couple of weeks. But it won’t. It will take longer.

***

Thursday, 11th August

Clare is in too. Mine in perpetuity. To do with as I please, in perpetuity.

***

Note: Grace, Angela are also said that they were in, forever.

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This stuff was recorded in the microblog when it was said, and might be available in the “memory records”.

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A few final words

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The map is not the territory!

Here is a fun quote, it is one of my favourite philosophical concepts. It has been one of my favourite philosophical concepts for maybe the past decade or so.

The map–territory relation is the relationship between an object and a representation of that object, as in the relation between a geographical territory and a map of it. Mistaking the map for the territory is a logical fallacy that occurs when someone confuses the semantics of a term with what it represents. Polish-American scientist and philosopher Alfred Korzybski remarked that "the map is not the territory" and that "the word is not the thing", encapsulating his view that an abstraction derived from something, or a reaction to it, is not the thing itself. Korzybski held that many people do confuse maps with territories, that is, confuse conceptual models of reality with reality itself. These ideas are crucial to general semantics, a system Korzybski originated.

- Alfred Korzybski

A map is not the territory it represents, but, if correct, it has a similar structure to the territory, which accounts for its usefulness.

- Alfred Korzybski

***

A quote from one of my favourite philosophers:

Civilization is a stream with banks. The stream is sometimes filled with blood from people killing, stealing, shouting and doing things historians usually record; while on the banks, unnoticed, people build homes, make love, raise children, sing songs, write poetry and even whittle statues. The story of civilization is the story of what happened on the banks. Historians are pessimists because they ignore the banks of the river.

- Will And Ariel Durant

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And one more for good luck:

The wise man knows that it is better to sit on the banks of a remote mountain stream than to be emperor of the whole world.

- Zhuangzi

Last one…

The fish trap exists because of the fish. Once you've gotten the fish you can forget the trap. The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit. Once you've gotten the rabbit, you can forget the snare. Words exist because of meaning. Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him?

- Zhuangzi

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A Quote

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

- Rumi

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A poem

I'm Nobody! Who are you?

Are you - Nobody - too?

Then there's a pair of us!

Dont tell! they'd banish us - you know!

How dreary - to be - Somebody!

How public - like a Frog -

To tell your name - the livelong June -

To an admiring Bog!

- Emily Dickinson

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Dumbing us down - John Taylor Gatto

Amusing ourselves to death - Neil Postman

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Television

The most important thing we've learned,

So far as children are concerned,

Is never, NEVER, NEVER let

Them near your television set --

Or better still, just don't install

The idiotic thing at all.

In almost every house we've been,

We've watched them gaping at the screen.

They loll and slop and lounge about,

And stare until their eyes pop out.

(Last week in someone's place we saw

A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)

They sit and stare and stare and sit

Until they're hypnotised by it,

Until they're absolutely drunk

With all that shocking ghastly junk.

Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,

They don't climb out the window sill,

They never fight or kick or punch,

They leave you free to cook the lunch

And wash the dishes in the sink --

But did you ever stop to think,

To wonder just exactly what

This does to your beloved tot?

IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!

IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!

IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!

IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND

HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND

A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!

HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!

HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!

HE CANNOT THINK -- HE ONLY SEES!

'All right!' you'll cry. 'All right!' you'll say,

'But if we take the set away,

What shall we do to entertain

Our darling children? Please explain!'

We'll answer this by asking you,

'What used the darling ones to do?

'How used they keep themselves contented

Before this monster was invented?'

Have you forgotten? Don't you know?

We'll say it very loud and slow:

THEY ... USED ... TO ... READ! They'd READ and READ,

AND READ and READ, and then proceed

To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!

One half their lives was reading books!

The nursery shelves held books galore!

Books cluttered up the nursery floor!

And in the bedroom, by the bed,

Books

I grew up reading books like Swallows and Amazons, Danny the Champion of the World, Gentle Ben, White Fang, the Willard Price Adventure series, and Asterix and Obelix.

***

I’m an obsessive reader of non-fiction, one of my first and greatest loves in life.

***

I love Terry Pratchett, and I own the whole Discworld series. And Dodger (sewers) and Nation (science). Or at least I used to, before the divorce. Most of them in collector edition. And I love the Long Earth. I’m a Terry Pratchett guy.

***

I’m a book addict.

*****

Here is an old page, called “misc stories”, copied into the grab bag. It wasn’t a very good page, but I want to keep it anyway. The style wasn’t very good. It was unpopular and didn’t give the right impression. It is here for completeness, and to provide a little more information.

I’m not promoting this page any more, but I am putting a copy of it at the bottom of the grab bag.

*****

Misc stories

More stories, carried on from background stories.

So your health got messed up?

What did you do with your time?

I had my spine messed with really badly from 2012-2016. It had something to do with the inner muscles of my torso (iliacus and psoas).

So I’d just listen to stuff. Stuff like podcasts, radio shows, audiobooks, and university lectures.

I didn’t graduate from university, so I thought I’d make up for it by just listening to some university lectures. I found some from Yale, Stanford, Harvard and Oxford and just listened to them until I had consumed about one and a half years worth of lectures (12 series’ worth). I figure that makes up for the one to two years of university I didn’t finish.

I also listened to shows like “hardcore history” by Dan Carlin (a good show about military history, from the point of view of normal soldiers, sort of), some design podcasts, and some tech podcasts. As well as dumb/funny podcasts like “total party kill”. Between my podcasts and university lectures, I got a pretty decent education. There was a lot of history and technology.

But before that (2009 - 2012), I had a lot of health problems - abrade related (sleep, night sweats, very severe constipation, fatigue, some torso tightening) - that sidelined me. I was too sick/fatigued to do anything, so I just did a lot of reading. I read as many books as possible. Lots of criminology, economics, and history, a fair bit of architecture, and miscellaneous/whatever. (I read about 9 really good academic books of criminology). I kept records of whatever I read during this period of time. I also played some video games, but was losing the capacity to play video games and read books comfortably. I was also losing the capacity to play board games with my friends comfortably.

My preferred positions to read in were lying down on my side (in bed) or on my front (on the ground). I even used to study lying down on the ground, resting my weight on my left arm and using my right arm to write.

Ummm. I started to lose the ability to do these positions while reading or studying (please don’t ask me to explain).

By one point I had lost the ability to even lie down to rest on my back properly, in bed. And I lost the ability to read while laying down in bed!?!?!!!? This was a catastrophe for me, because reading is my favourite thing!?

I didn’t know at the time why I couldn’t lie down properly. But in hindsight, I can see that it was caused by “electronic abrade technology”, which was messing with the level of tone in muscles of my inner torso.

I also had massive sleep issues. I’d wake up overheating, soaked in sweat. Then I’d have to get up to use the bathroom. Then I would try to get back to sleep, and I’d be so cold that I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t get warm. And so I would have to eat before I could sleep again, to get warm. Also, very severe digestive problems. Sleep issues were frequent. Very frequent.

Sometimes I’d have sleep problems every night of the week. I was exhausted.

Back to 2012 - 2016… ==> I couldn’t socialise properly. When I tried to socialise, (i.e. have a decent conversation) my back would hurt. It would tighten up. I’d get worse at breathing, and I’d end up exhausted.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but someone was tightening my inner muscles when I tried to have a conversation with someone other than Amanda, or the usual set. I’d try to have a conversation with someone, like a friend over the phone, or someone who came to the door and my back would hurt. So I was getting conditioned against conversation!!?

For example, a couple of priests from the Catholic Church showed up once, to try to find/visit the people who had previously lived there (pastoral care). And I ended up talking to them for a while. I had a conversation and enjoyed it, but it wrecked my back!? Or I’d talk on the phone for 45 minutes. And then I’d feel awful afterwards.

I really wasn’t socialising back then. It is too difficult to explain. Socialising is difficult. There were physical limitations etc.

Then to 2016-2022: I can’t read books.

And I can’t really listen to spoken word audio (podcasts, audio books, radio documentaries, or lectures) because it causes issues/tightness with my back leading to breathing/pain related issues. I don’t understand why at the time (I just think that it is an automatic nervous response thing). Somehow I can listen to the radio without issues. But not audio books.

They conditioned me against consuming spoken word audio.

I just didn’t listen to much spoken word audio. Almost none, for four years.

**********

Sharp Objects

Umm. Amanda put sharp objects into the carpet sometimes. Including a razor blade embedded in a piece of plastic, and a sharp piece of crockery. She also put a piece of glass into my morning cup of tea once (broke/chipped the glass to make it look like a mistake, but nevertheless I found the glass in my cup).

I actually cut myself fairly badly on the razor blade embedded in plastic.

I have a picture of the crockery and razor plastic below. There is no picture of the glass.

**********

Childhood 7-11ish

I had a pretty normal childhood in a lot of ways. I made banana cake from the Edmonds cookbook, liked Simpsons references, and disassembled and reassembled fireworks with my friends. I was a tree climbing fanatic, and obsessed with building a treehouse. I loved the local swimming pools (ac baths). I liked getting launched out of the water, and into the sky by my uncles. I liked holding my breath and swimming for distance under water, or trying to dunk the other kids. Umm. I liked video games too much!? I always wore the same polar fleece hoodie that my mother made; camouflage polar fleece on the outside, and black micro fleece on the inside. It was warm and thick. I was into RTS and 3d platformers at the time.

Two childhood snippets:

My parents surprised Matthew and I with a new kitten when they picked us up from Lake Taupo Christian Camp once. They arrived at camp to pick me up, and had a kitten in the van. That was pretty cool. We named her Fluffy. We later adopted her sister from the same litter. We named her sister Smokey.

I remember once getting hooked on a video game called “Caesar 3”.

I couldn’t get enough of it. And I didn’t want to wait until after school to play it. And I didn’t want to share the computer. So I woke up early. 5:30am, it was cold, so I was wearing a hoodie. My kittens were using me as climbing frame. 11 years old. This was in Oronui Road, farmhouse, Taupo (place a little bit worn down, but still tidy, used to be for farmhands).

*********

When I was young, I always admired inventors, like Edison. I would read books about inventors, and invention. I even would day dream about inventions, patents and selling my inventions. I kept “ideas books” and read up on how patents work. But knew I needed money and better tools to really do something fun. At age 8/9 years old, I wanted to be an inventor. Who also sold and/or licensed his inventions.

I wanted to be an inventor.

********

Audio Content

I love spoken word audio content: Including radio shows, documentaries, storytelling, podcasts or lectures.

TwiT: this week in tech was a bunch of easy to listen to misc tech news and discussion. Great show. Really long episodes. You’d get genuinely good tech tips and advice. But you have to be willing to figure stuff out for yourself.

I listened to a lot of technology podcasts, and adjacent. 5x5, relay, wired, back to work, Roderick on the line

99% Invisible. Great podcast on design. Needs no real introduction.

Total Party Kill was funny, and dumb. It's just people playing DnD

I like Thinking Aloud by Laurie Taylor on BBC radio 4. It's a radio show about sociology. I listened to a bunch of it. It forces you to think. It is really great. I listened to a boatload of it. Maybe 30-50 episodes?

When I like a podcast, I go through the archives.

Hardcore history - Dan Carlin (I listened to so much of this). The quality is excellent. It’s all about military history.

Honourable mentions:

In Our Time by Melvyn Bragg. Good intro to a variety of topics by solid academics in a panel discussion.

Freakonomics podcast. It's fun if you like economics.

History of Rome - Mike Duncan was just a way of filling in time. But gave a non professional sounding person's take on history. There was a lot of explanation etc. really good, but not super professional I listened to the whole thing. 73 hrs run time.

I listened to a ton between 2012 and 2016, because I was functionally an invalid.

*********

School, other

Lake Taupo Christian school was used to undermine my education, and to isolate me. It was actually really pretty much okay when it first started. And it was still okay at the soccer club rooms. But it stopped being okay towards the last year(ish) that I was there.

Umm. The school was stupid, and had stupid rules. [Also, The curriculum was simultaneously better and worse than mainstream schooling. It doesn’t mesh well with future educational options. It’s complicated.]

How did I get out?

I complained bitterly, and engaged in a campaign of non violent resistance (slight sarcasm there) against the schooling I received. I ignored the rules, failed to follow them, and eventually managed to get kicked out of class into the library. Where I got more work done. I was shifted to a new school the following year. I spent my first form year at Taupo Intermediate school. It was great.

****

My family used to move me around to undermine me? And to keep me isolated. e.g., we moved from Taupo to Taradale, Hawke’s Bay, just when I had managed to get settled in at a decent/normal school in a good class!?

Why did they move? Ummmmm. [My dad blamed my Mum. It was kind of implied. She was stubborn, difficult, and fussy. Then she was sleeping around, and they needed a fresh start. It was really weird and complicated. Or.. she had always wanted to live on a farm, or he didn’t make good enough money. Or wasn’t good at DIY. He often criticised her in front of me. It was weird.]

And then they disrupted my life by getting a divorce (which was mostly about me afaik. No, I’m not joking). My parents divorced so they could screw my life up!? They did it on purpose lol.

[Edit: my Dad told me that my mother was cheating on him. And that is why they split up.]

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I remember watching the “one night only”* Bee Gees concert on TV with Mike Hocking and my father. Mike Hocking was my father’s employee, but he was also a family friend. We spent a fair bit of time at his place when I was about 9-10 years old and my father was setting up the Napier music shop. We’d watch TV, play slot cars, eat chocolate pudding with way too much cream poured on top. His family was Mike, Heather, Daniel, Nathan and Renee. Mike later became a pastor. Video games of choice at the time were: Pokémon red, and syndicate. Matthew and I would jump on the trampoline and play “gargoyles” with Renee (she was basically baby sitting us)(gargoyles was a popular children’s tv show at the time).
*I think it was the Sydney concert, but idk.

*****

Places: Brisbane, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Tokyo, Kyoto, Port Vila, Rarotonga, France (small village close to Rouen), Munich, Salzburg, Venice, Barcelona.

*****

I'd like to talk about my paternal Grandfather Ivan.

We all called him Papa, not grandad. He was Hungarian. He was from Hungary and he spoke fluent Hungarian. I think he was part Jewish as well. His family switched their name from Spiegel to Solt when he was young.

His first wife (my Nana, Carol) is from Wales. His second wife was from Hungary. He had six children. Four from his first marriage. Two from his second.

Papa and his sister and parents all had to leave Hungary in 1956 after the failed Hungarian Uprising (see Wikipedia). He was in his early 20s at the time. They left in the night, taking nothing but what they could carry. They wore gray because it stands out less on the horizon. And they took a bunch of bottles of vodka in case they needed to bribe the border guards with it. In Hungary they were wealthy. After leaving, they were poor. I think Ivan worked as a taxi driver in NZ, or sold welding rods as a job.

Their country tried to have a revolution against the ussr (sort of), which failed, and then he has to flee. Umm. The situation was actually a lot more complicated than that. But you can read about it in Wikipedia.

He was a bit eccentric, but otherwise okay. Very smart, good at chess. Ate too much. Kind of loud. My Mum hated him.

Ivan Thomas Brody-Solt

As an adult, Aunty Monica (his daughter) made (false) accusations of molestation against my Papa. I assume they are false accusations. I cannot prove it though. She claimed that when she was a child he used to come into her room to do xyzabc. I don’t know that I believe it though.

There were other steps taken to discredit him as well.

At one point he ran for a local government seat on the national party affiliated citizens’ ticket. Southern ward, Wellington. Link.

*******

We had a vegetable garden put in at 5 Weka Road. Raised bed, wooden sides. I planted it with herbs and vegetables the first year. But then seldom used it, because I was too unwell to tend to it properly. It became overgrown with weeds.. and then I couldn’t weed it to replant it. Issues with my back+exhaustion. Such fun 😅.

*****

When I was 9ish, my family and I went on a quick trip from Taupo to Hastings to visit Fantasy Land, a theme park. We went on roller coasters, dodgems and bumper boats. It was the first roller coaster I’d ever been on. Other than the roller coaster, I loved the giant slide hidden away to the of the park. Took the paddle boat back to the motel. Fed the birds outside the motel etc. The thing I remember most is that we listened to the album “Tuesday Night Music Club” in the car (me, Mum, Dad, and Matthew). And mum insisted that we change the lyrics of the “Na Na Na” song to “I want a banana”, and that we all had to sing along. It was a good holiday. My family was goofy. But kind of fun a fair bit of the time. Still awful. But on the surface, okay.

***

My mum was fun sometimes. I really enjoyed playing "the dictionary game" with her and my Uncle Andy.

***

More life history:

My mother suffered double kidney failure, went on dialysis, and then had a kidney transplant when she was in her late teens(ish). And has been on kidney anti rejection medication ever since.

She was a kidney transplant patient when she became pregnant with me.

It was a difficult pregnancy for my mother when she was pregnant with me. She had to stay in hospital for a period of time, and was on bed rest while she was there. I was born prematurely and underweight after a difficult pregnancy and very long delivery (48 hours).

That’s just a part of my life history.

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I started talking when I was about 12 months old. Not just talking, but speaking. And reading at about that time. I showed strong signs of genius and being intellectually “gifted” early on.

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I have bad eye sight. Without glasses, I can’t see very well. I started wearing glasses at the age of 12.

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More recently:

My eye sight is very bad. I am supposed to be wearing glasses, but I can’t wear them at the moment because of the issues I have had for so many years with my neck and back. My eye sight has been bad for a long time. I can hardly see a thing without them. It’s horrible, everything is blurry! Faces are the worst. I started wearing glasses in childhood, and my prescriptions kept on increasing up until the age of 24, after which I didn't increase my prescription further. I just plain have bad eye sight. I’m short sighted.

In addition to that, can’t focus my eyes properly due to the neck and back issues, which makes things difficult.

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