Repurposed Soul

May 10 2025

Tidied it up on 5th July, 2025

// There is some extremely important stuff in here about brainwashing.

// Please note, this was of its time

// This post is a bit messy and disorganised, but well worth reading

Feet and Ankles

The floors here aren’t good, it’s vinyl with mildly squashy padding beneath. It’s not as bad as Khandallah, but it’s still a problem.

I already have bad feet.

It is bad for my feet. It means that I have to brace my ankles a bit. It encourages flat feet. It has a flow on effect to the rest of the body, including my pelvis.

Back in Raine street when I had hard floors, my ankles weren’t stiff, and I could walk more easily. My ankles moved, my pelvis was better off. And I could breathe more freely/easily.

Repurposed Soul:

I do not like the repurposed soul project (the idea of “repurposed soul” is lifted from a twitter account related to my life). You are treating me like a thing to be modified according to your will. You try to change the way I think using pain, violence and threats. You humiliate and insult me. I should not be treated like this. I am a human being, not an object. It is inherently dehumanising to treat a person this way.

I am badly sleep deprived, subjected to repeated mind abrades. It is horrible. I can’t think straight at the moment. I’ll try to explain it better later, but my mind is too shredded to do it at the moment.

They talk into my head, and if I don’t like what they want me to do, and complain, they blast my mind so that I cannot think. It is evil to treat a man this way. I have a mind! I have a brain! I am being mistreated. You are causing me lasting damage! These abrades cause harm!!  This treatment is unethical!!

It’s getting harder to think, and because of that I cannot form sentences in my head easily, or write them down clearly. I’m really struggling to even have a proper inner monologue at all. I cannot communicate that well. My “voice” is being taken away. FWIW, my internal voice is what I use to govern myself. It is the captain of my soul, the “charioteer” [[Logos, reason. See also: tripartite soul, logos, thumos, epithymia, chariot analogy]].

It’s not the first time. Sometime ago, my internal voice was destroyed by means of a “game” involving scrolling through music.

It’s horrible having your internal voice silenced and destroyed. It’s kind of like the murder of a human soul. I don’t feel like a proper person without my inner voice. I think that they want to destroy my ability to think. I used to have an excellent mind.

*im sorry if less that coherent, I’ll tidy it up later

At the moment my mind is so melted that I can’t think straight or express myself all that well.

((My father is experimenting on his disabled, tortured son.))

A father ought to be a protector, not an abuser.

Draft:

“The voice in your head is backed up with Godlike powers, including crippling you, blasting you, making you urinate, defecate, twisting your neck, disabling your capacity to think and making your whole body spaz. It can also have the police arrest you, it belongs to a man who assaulted you, and denied you an appropriate lawyer, and refuses to use the “magic wand” to uncripple you. It denies you the use of your own spine”

[[I like the feeling of being alone inside my own mind. I like spending time day dreaming. It’s peaceful. I feel at home inside my own mind. Enjoy walking and toying with my own thoughts. I don’t enjoy sharing my mind or my imagination with others. Day dreaming while walking is an important part of life for me. And it is beneficial. I don’t feel good without time day dreaming, and I cannot think clearly]]

I experienced a year and three months of brainwashing. Constant mental questions and answers. Enforced by means of pain, fear, and fear of massive harm. “If you answer wrong, we hurt you” pen and paper disallowed (enforced by pain and fear), brain function impeded electronically. Umm. The constant dialogue itself prevents/blocks ratiocination. They tried to create in me a new ethic and world view. I don’t like their world view. It sucks. 

Not only does the brainwashing attempt to change your point of view, but it basically means that you cannot think. My brain was basically disabled for a fair bit of the time.

Back in Copthorne hotel: I had to reboot my mind by thinking and writing in a notebook.

Added later, from not a hive mind:

//I am a discursive, abstract thinker. I think in images and emotions, but from logos. I think very discursively in words too. I play words, images and emotions through my mind in a meandering aimless way. I think in circles. I’m very comfortable within my own mind. But when other people interfere electronically with the inner workings of my mind, it causes problems. It borks the internal clockwork of my mind pretty badly..

Ummm. I need, need, need the discursive, rambling, meandering, aimless thinking inside my head, simply to be me. Simply to be the person that I am! And I also need to have pen and paper to manage my own mind! And without this, I’m not me.

Also, the hive mind tries to replace my values with its values and thinking style. Sin, lust, debauchery. And it tells me that ‘want’ is soul-image rather than intention choice.

Borked the machinery of mind for ages, and tried to replace values!!!!!!!!!!!

Mind uber borked for a year and three months

Mega borked the logos-word-reason part of my mind

// note added as of 14th June: I was writing this article under trying conditions, and that is why it is “of its time”
// Please note, I was experiencing some level of physical hardship at the time, and so it was very difficult for me to write well.

Correction:

Reason (Logistikon)

Spirit (Thymos)

Appetite (Epithymia)

I first learned of the analogy from cs Lewis, but maybe one or two other writers. Not from Phaedra..  I also heard of it in some Christian sermons online. I think I heard it used in a few Timothy Keller sermons?

Reason restrains spirit and appetite.