A quick setting the record straight
A quick setting the record straight
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I am going to talk about a bunch of stuff that might change your perspective when it comes to me. Please be patient.
I’ll talk about health, I’ll talk about false accusations of starting a coup, what is or isn’t an intellectual exercise, my 17 years of misery, including many years sick, debilitated, impaired or fully crippled, attempts to make peace, illegal IVF and coverups. And even the involvement of an MP, the former mayor of our capital city, and a member of the NZ Order of Merit (NZOM).There’s a little bit in there to do with posture, health and fitness, as well as the character of my father.
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Take Dannevirke for example
Paul and the rest of the set have made the false assertion that I was healthy by the time I was in Dannevirke (that was almost a year ago now!). This assertion is false.
I wasn’t healthy, and I had massive back problems at the time (aka, problems with my torso). There were many things I couldn’t do in life, because of the problems with my torso/back. For example, because of the issues with my torso. I wasn’t able to sleep on my side. Or my left side (of course, due to the partially dislocated shoulder). I wasn’t able to curl up on the couch with a book. I wasn’t able to relax in an armchair to watch a movie. Any of these things would have caused me big problems. And if you absolutely can’t do those things, can you actually be described as healthy? There were other things as well.
I have to do weird things just to stay upright. And it’s hard to breathe normally. I have to brace my torso and back in strange ways.
Of course my body was still disabled/impaired. And the impairment is long term.
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Health
What does it mean to be healthy? How could we test it? What should the criteria be? For me personally, to be healthy would be to be able to jump rope again, play a round of gentle tennis and a decent game of table tennis, to hit a boxing bag and practise boxing with focus mitts and a partner. And also to be light on my feet once again. Oh, and to be able to sleep on my side without my left shoulder slipping out of joint.
It would be to be able to do body weight squats, and comfortably go for long walks on uneven ground, such as an ordinary New Zealand bush walk for about one hour.
And to be able to breathe normally, and not to have to brace my torso and back unnaturally while going about my day-to-day activities.
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This might be taking it a little bit too far, but...
Perhaps being healthy means that I also ought to be able to do things like child's pose, cat-cow pose, sphinx and cobra pose, bird-dogs and maybe some basic, gentle Thai leg kicks to pads. I also ought to be able to do wall angels, a good pec stretch and thoracic extensions, link here. These are just examples of what it might look like for me to be "healthy" and fit again.
Don't forget that they destroyed my health at the age of 18, and have been harming me ever since. I also spent about 12 years of my life badly debilitated and impaired, including 7 years fully and thoroughly crippled by them. So perhaps I need some thorough rehabilitation before I can be considered "recovered" and healthy.
I am posting this only because they suggested that I was "healthy" when I wasn't. They also scoffed at the idea that I wanted to rebuild my body and my "capacity for physical movement" before I did anything else. I also suggested that having women to sleep with wasn't important or enormously interesting to me until I had rebuilt my body and my "capacity for physical movement". We had this argument back in Dannevirke, ages ago!
I made this smaller text, because it is a little pedantic. But sometimes when dealing with awful people it makes sense to be a little bit pedantic.
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Think of the above as “tests” of whether I as an individual have recovered basic functionality or not. Rather than absolute, dogmatic signs of perfect health. I could just as easily have said, “I just need to be able to do bush walks, do lunges, jump rope and take a nap laying on my side. Those are the tests. If I can do those, I’m healthy again.” Besides, if I am basically healthy again, and have recovered basic functionality, I should be able to do all of those things, and/or have them sorted pretty quickly. It’s the underlying issues with my back, shoulders and torso that I need to sort out first though!!
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I would gladly have remained celibate until I was fully healthy, and regained fully my normal capacity for physical movement.
And also had had a shave, shower (including washing my hair) and a haircut. And had some dental work.
But I wasn’t allowed to. They insisted I start having sex. I would have preferred to remain celibate.
I had hopes (as of 2023) that I might sort out my health, focus on study, focus on physical development, and get my life sorted before finding a girlfriend (I would have preferred an ordinary voluntary girlfriend to a fae (aka, dregvant, or philosopher-king) concubine/prostitute/woman, but I’m not allowed merely to have one of those??).
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Seventeen years of misery
Because of them and their remote control electronic nerve splicing technology: I was very sick for four years (2007 -2011), I suffered through five years of being very sick and living with debilitating impairment (2011-2016), and then spent seven years totally crippled and in horrible conditions (2016-2023).
Note: I was so badly impaired (my torso in particular) between 2011 and 2016 that I couldn’t even sleep on my side without risking dislocating my shoulder. Which in fact I did. I dislocated my left shoulder just by sleeping on my side/s.
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What did I want?
I wanted to be left alone.
They keep on asking me, “what do you want?”. Again and again, they ask me, “what do you want”?
The main thing I wanted to do once I got out of Princeton Road was to get away from the freaks who had done that to me. And start over, with a whole new set of people.
And to be left alone so that I could regain my health in peace. I really needed time alone, un harassed to regain my health.
I wanted to be healthy, and I wanted to be left alone.
I had just experienced a massive injustice. I had suffered from years of harm and hardship, as someone who was a total innocent. And I needed/wanted to seek justice, and for that I needed evidence. Which I was denied by the department of internal affairs.
And I wanted to get thoroughly fit (or as fit as I could get, all things considered). And finish my university degree in accounting, even just as an arbitrary symbol of status.
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And I always wanted to be an inventor or a scientist.
I did not know at the time that I was crippled because of electronic nerve splicing technology, that spliced itself into my nervous system, and kept my muscles tight to constrict my torso.
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I had wanted to remain celibate until I was fully, completely and thoroughly healthy.
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Movement, thought, brain and muscle and posture
The level of understanding that we the human race (and especially they, the dregvant fae) have when it comes to the connection between mind and body, brain and muscle, posture and consciousness, memory and habit, movement and stillness, thought and action, nervous system and awareness is probably fairly limited. I think that our understanding of it is still in its infancy.
And we as a species still have a lot to learn when it comes to the arts and sciences and traditions and customs associated with physical movement.
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Quick statement on the idea of a “coup”
Ummm. A quick statement: relating to the time just before the arrest. It might clear up some issues…
Did I want a coup? No.
Was I planning a coup? No.
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I have actually suffered horrifically. And the point of view you have had implanted into your mind is probably not realistic.
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This is how it felt, seemed to me at the time of the arrest:
Please be aware that I didn't have full information, I didn't know that the “fae” (i.e. the people who use sex and bullying to control people) existed as a mimetically spread phenomenon distributed throughout the population. And I believed that I was watched on camera for 6 years. Actual camera. And I knew that the IVF thing had happened. But also I didn't know I had been kept crippled by remote control nerve splicing (that they had spliced into my nervous system to control my muscles).
A few days before I got arrested, I thought to myself that I need to tell my story. Let people know how bad it was. And heads will roll. People will get fired, or resign. It will be something in relation to corruption. People will get fired for the things they have done, and some will be arrested. Somewhere higher up in the food chain would be a politician or bureaucrat or intelligence officer responsible for what happened to me, and I wanted them to go to jail, or be fired. And for my family also to go to jail.
I believed that:
That I was kept on camera for 6 years, and watched even by politicians and the CIA, that they all saw me in that house, walking back and forth, crippled, freezing cold, underweight, filthy and miserable. Struggling to get down onto the toilet seat and back, struggling to get onto the mattress of my bed and back up. And then exploited for IVF, kept for the sake of impregnation (I kept having sex primarily out of duty). I was covered in dead skin and grime. I was unable to shower for seven years.
A genius was kept crippled and covered in dead skin and filth, for years, presumably to be exploited for high IQ sperm, while being watched by the CIA? (I didn’t know about the “money” at the time. I figured it was a rogue element of NZ intelligence, working in connection with Amanda and co? I felt that the breeding aspect of it was one of the biggest parts.
Whatever it was, it was rotten.
I thought that to “add a multiplier” to what happened I would get arrested to implicate both the courts and police. Who are both corrupt. That arrest would provide a multiplier (a bit of leverage). To make it a bigger story.
But before I could do anything, I would first need to get evidence, and then get out to meet members of the general public, before taking my story to the media.
But first, before any of that, I had to recover my health!
But my health was kept from me electronically, even though I tried very hard to regain it. I did a lot of walking, many mini squats, and a lot of “mind body techniques” (I tried to create lots of ‘lift’ in my torso while I walked about and did squats). Because I was too sick to do anything, I didn’t fight for justice. I couldn’t even shower and keep myself clean for court…
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Lily, IVF and the DIA
By the way, the DIA (Department of Internal Affairs) lied to me about Lily. They didn’t give me the paperwork when I asked for it. I filled out the forms, sent them in to the HART (Human Assisted Reproductive Technology Register) team and they sent me a letter telling me that they have no record of Lily being conceived by means of IVF and donor egg. I’m about 90% sure that they made a false statement, and that they actually have the records on file. They actually covered for Brynn and Amanda, participating in the cover up. Because of this, I was unable to get custody of Lily, or fight for justice (such as Amanda going to jail, or a better deal in the divorce, or spousal maintenance, or pushing to get my father charged with a crime for the assault, or suing multiple doctors, or laying a formal complaint against the police [they (the police) sided with my father, who also made a section 8b. They also had my father there at the time of the arrest, as well as the two officers who had attended the assault call out], or a formal complaint against the doctors involves in my situation, at least one of which is guilty of making a false statement that could land them in prison, as part of criminal conspiracy relating to abuse, and trying to cover it up. I forget under which act). But I would need decent lawyers, decent health, and appropriate support to make any of that happen. And I didn’t even have appropriate use of my limbs, and they also deliberately stymied my access to lawyers. At least one of my doctors was a family friend of my parents.
Also, I doubt that I could take care of a child in that state?
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They have some bizarre accounting of “brainwave patterns”, by which they decide I want to do something (coup) or desire something or harbour desires. But picturing something isn’t the same as doing it, or intending to do it. I think that these methods are daft. They’re designed for horrible people who lie all the time, even in their own minds. Their methods of figuring out what I want are nonsense. They could just ask me. Why not just use your words? Speak like a human?
Their theory of mind is inane. They believe that if you visualise something, or dwell on it, that you automatically can be declared to want to have it. Which is obviously wrong. Very often I’m just sampling a thought, and playing a variety of possibilities through my mind. Thought sampling isn’t a signal of desire.
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Attempts to make peace
I had thought that by extending the olive branch of peace to Siobhan, we might bring about a cessation of conflict? But negotiations broke down. It was an attempt at a peace deal. She’s not important to me. I just thought that she might fear reprisals, and that a long term relationship might protect both of us. If I had her long term, I thought I might be able to form a lasting peace.
To be honest, I think she’s in over her head?
I got rid of her.
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I nearly formed a lasting peace through Brynn. And I think that would have worked. But the Xi set (and Xi himself) got in the way of that. Blasting her. This arrangement (long term Brynn) did not appeal to me (for personality reasons, and history; note: she is hot), but it made good practical sense. And it would have solved this situation for me and for her.
I think she’s in.
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Intellectual Exercise
They knew that "reverse social engineering" at the time was just a part of an intellectual exercise. And that I engaged in my intellectual exercise to keep myself sane. While suffering horribly for years.. even though Siobhan hides and obscures how bad things were, by misleading people through bad and “low quality” reporting.
Most of it was analysis, and hypotheticals. And the creation of imaginary frameworks. It was a work of invention and analysis. Much of it was the desire to come up with technology, and policies, that could reform society in the direction of better democratic governance. In a “ground up” manner. (For example, getting voted democratic seats onto the boards of TVNZ, RNZ, MSD, MoH, MoE. Or allowing school boards to have at will dismissals of teachers [no severance] at the start of every school year, January and February). Or technology to indoctrinate people (using infinite scrolling videos) into different behaviour and world views (nothing ground breaking there). FWIW, I want corporations and banks to have less power, and bureaucrats and the education sector to have less power, and normal people to have more democratic power. Or at least that’s what I wanted at the time. I didn’t know about the far, aka shadow oligarchy.
It wasn’t a “revolutionary” ideology.
I want planning a coup.
I already have discussed this in other parts of my blog.
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What was the intellectual exercise all about? Not that moving the world like a lever was all about implementing it!!
The idea is to disrupt pre-existing power structures in favour of democratic governance, and the welfare of the 80% (that is, the "normals" of society).
It is inherently anti-totalitarian.
The idea is that you create a "toolkit" for social change. Find the weak point! The best spot to create change. And then release it online, and publicise it heavily. Accompany it with a bunch of ideas and theories, and some educational materials. And then let people use it however they want.
The change is supposed to be in the form of non violent reformism. But the framework could also be used for peaceful, non violent revolution (see Canada's Quebec Revolution). It could also be used for a technological revolution (such as the Gutenberg revolution).
Just an aside, I also hate the patent system and the copy right system. See also, rent seeking (an economics concept).
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Just as an aside:
As for economic system:
Personally, I am in favour of social democracy for New Zealand, and in general. But some other forms of economic governance/system seem okay to me.
By the way: I didn't want to do anything with any of this!
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Some other models such as those used by Mondragon corporation, or syndicalism, labour unionism, cooperatives, mass agricultural small holdings also seem interesting. Some limited use of collective agriculture can be good for niche purposes. Like a village connected to a fair bit of land, managed collectively (see Marinaleda).
I don’t want to get bogged down in conversations about economic model.
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IVF and cover up
Amanda used IVF and Brynn’s egg to have a baby using my sperm without my written consent. Which is illegal, and could lead to jail time for multiple people. I was exploited for reproductive purposes.
They then covered it up (or have attempted to do so) using the New Zealand courts (both the family courts and district courts) and the New Zealand police. They also used the services of Dr. Janet Turnbull (palliative care specialist and NZOM member, head of ORA) to cover it up, along with my own doctors surgery (Raumati Beach surgery). Janet Turnbull is a very prominent doctor in the greater Wellington region (she pretended that I wasn’t as sick as I actually am/was, and put it in writing in a letter to my GP. She also falsely claimed that my health problems were just de-conditioning, and caused by a mood disorder. The letter can be found in a pdf on my other website).
The Department of Internal Affairs also participated in the cover up (lying and engaging in time wasting when I requested vital information about the parentage of my daughter just before going to court). I needed information before I went to court. I lost money and custody, and had my health very badly damaged because of them in particular. I made a formal request in writing, using the correct forms, for information from the HART register, and they told me that they didn’t have the information I wanted. I think they hid the information.
As did my uncle, Andy Foster, then mayor of Wellington, now a member of parliament. He pretended that things were not as bad as they were. He came to my place to help cover it up, when they brought a JP to my place for the signing of a formal declaration regarding my “defence” of the protection order.
My father also called the mental health services on me, and filed a section 8b. To have me institutionalised. This was the day after he attacked me. It is because of my medical records that he was able to have me assessed. At least one of my doctors in the past was a family friend.
This all happened while I was totally crippled, and kept crippled by means of “electromagnetic spectrum remote control nerve splicing technology.” I.e. they “splice” directly into your nerves to control your muscles to tighten or slacken them etc (it’s a long story).
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Tomoe Takahashi
Paul is a sexual predator, he slept with Tomoe Takahashi when she was 17, a high school exchange student, and living with us. She was going to Taradale High School, I was at Taradale Intermediate. He later started a long term relationship with her.
Her English was very bad, and it was the first time she was living away from home. She came to us as a high school exchange student at the age of 16 and was supposed to be a part of our family, like a sister or a daughter. She was in 6th form, her second to last year of high school. My parents were still together at the time. He was essentially her guardian.
My parents split shortly after Tomoe Takahashi left to go home to Japan for her final year in high school.
The official narrative for my parent’s separation was that my mother was unfaithful to my father many times, and that my father was a faithful husband, blameless, and a Christian.
My father moved to Paraparaumu after my parents split up. And then Tomoe Takahashi came back to New Zealand to live with him in Paraparaumu. She studied law at Victoria University. They had different rooms and pretended that they weren’t sleeping together.
I moved to Paraparaumu to live with my father. It was only after I had moved from Taradale to Paraparaumu (a 4 hour drive) to live with my father that I found out that they were sleeping together. I didn’t find out for weeks/months? They hid it. By then it was too late to move back.
Tomoe Takahashi and my father were together for 3-4 years in total, before he broke up with her. She was a victim. She loved Paul, and wanted to marry him (ugh).
Note: I had moved to live with my father because I preferred him to my mother, and thought that my mother’s infidelity had destroyed their marriage, and that he was a better and more moral person than my mother.
Ps: you should probably reread this whole section, and take notes. It actually is important. We had a 16 year old exchange student come to live with us. Her English was poor, and Paul was essentially her guardian. He groomed her over time, before taking her out of town to a table tennis tournament, where he started sleeping with her. They hid this from me at the time, I was clueless. She was basically my sister. He’s a horrible person.
PPS: the exchange student agency was “afs”
I’ll rewrite this segment later. But it is actually clear enough. And the people who pretend not to understand it are actually just playing dumb.
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The quick setting the record straight is finished…
Here is some stuff I copied and pasted earlier.
What is reverse social engineering?
It is an intellectual exercise.
It was a pastime, I used it to keep myself sane while being very unwell.
Don’t worry about it.
Seriously, I just used it to keep myself sane! My life waa hell!!
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Intellectual Exercise
I used to engage in intellectual exercises in the area of civilisation level reformism and associated analysis.
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It included the process of reverse engineering.
Definition:
Reverse engineering is the process of analyzing a product, device or system to understand its design, construction or functionality. It involves disassembling, examining and studying the components and structure of an existing object to create a detailed representation or model of it.
I engaged in the reverse engineering of civilisation as a whole.
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I used some of the following subjects in my process of disassembling, studying and examining civilisation.
History
Economics
Accounting
Investment analysis and studies
Statistics
Sociology
Physics
Inventions
Media Studies
Language
Religious Studies
Psychology
Anthropology
Philosophy
Media Studies
Information Technology
Technology Studies
Physical Culture
Public Health
Political Theory
Criminology
Architecture
Building Science
Theology, reworked for other stuff in society (a lot of Marxist stuff and secular psychology seems to be reverse engineered and reworked religion)
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I engaged in a lot of analysis.
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I spent a lot of time musing on potential reformism on the part of the people.
It was a pastime, and a kind of intellectual exercise.
All you actually need are one or two good reforms.
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I was really sick, and my life was a truly living horror show, a nightmare. A cold terrifying horror (no hyperbole). And so I had this pastime to keep myself busy.
It really was just a pastime to keep myself sane.
I actually wanted a better hobby. Something in science or engineering, but I was too unwell to manage that.
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Example reforms: this is just the work of five minutes brainstorming using my frameworks - don’t take it too seriously!
Both empower the good people, and the masses against the powerful/dishonest/nasty/wealthy/controlling people. And besides, they can be done by direct democracy, and can be done in just ONE nation state, and without agreement or consent by the system.
Sex is currency
Kill their currency like it’s terrorism funding money. Ban non-monogamy using direct democracy. If you have sex with more than one person in any 21 day period, you go to jail for up to two years.
This means that you can’t use “lesbians” as voluntary sex workers, to pay off the druj-fae men? (Fae is similar to fairy/elf).
Defamation laws
Defamation laws protect the wicked and dishonest. They put the burden of proof on the person talking about bad people. Get rid of defamation laws altogether (including slander or libel). Or failing that create “special defamation zones” on a special tld (top level domain, such as website.defame.nz) where you can say anything you want about anyone, without getting sued.
You can then create “yelp” for character reviews, or another content aggregator. As well as whitelists/black lists for ethics, morality and good character.
Ban anal sex.
It is used to psychologically modify women. To remove their sense of self, sublimate that into resentment towards men. And more importantly, to encourage males to have contempt for women, and also make men easier to control. Just make it a two year prison sentence. It applies to males and females. And same sex relationships. It is psychologically bad for men too. Do it by petition initiated direct democracy (mail ballot at 66%). This throws a spanner in the works.
Nation state landlord of shielded locations
Any nation state (or wealthy set of people) could become a landlord of a large number of shielded locations. Apartments. The rest will sort it self out. Via a large and effective counterculture. It will self organise. A fair bit of an IT industry will spontaneously erupt. Nation state is the “wealthy landlord”. Assuming the tech works.
Or just heavily subsidise “standardised faraday shipping containers”. Vote this in by a ballot initiative in a USA state somewhere. Make 100000 of them, and sell them for $500 USD each. Resale of them is illegal.
The idea is that you first find an element of society that “socially engineers you” and then you disrupt it using either technology and/or direct democracy, in a way that improves society (no destruction just for it’s own sake!).
Once you reverse engineer society, it is easy to come up with ideas!
Stymies and undermines the druj-fae to do these (druj-fae-elves [see Pratchett version of elves, or Tolkein essay on fairies stories], pick your metaphor?) while empowering the normals.
Ummm. Druj or dregvant are both special terms from the religion of Zoroastrianism. It’s a cool (mostly extinct) religion. It used to be the state religion of Persia, before it was conquered by Islam.
Direct democracy: it could become kinda like a new version of plebeian politics.
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The Dark Tower
Not directly related, but see also The Dark Tower and other stories by C.S. Lewis. Here is the link. (Warning: you actually have to click the link to download the pdf. It contains about 5 stories, including the dark tower. It is a fantastic story though. It is free, and the website seems to be safe and reliable. You might have to skip or hide an advertisement. It is worth it though).
Reverse social engineering, or some of it, was what k considered to be the opposite and antidote to that story in that book. Although the methodology and framework were largely value neutral.
I created many of the ideas in response to “The Dark Tower” by C.S. Lewis and “That Hideous Strength”, as well as being inspired by the book “Dumbing Us Down” by John Taylor Gatto.
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For reverse social engineering:
Christian belief might mesh well with Zoroastrian practice and some of my theories
I also like the sermon on the mount from Christianity.
The praxis of the Gathas might mesh well when used by people who “get along” with people who follow the Christian ethos.
Here’s an idea:
Get non-monogamy banned in any one of the 190ish countries in the world. Or get rid of defamation/libel/slander laws in any one nation. Or build shelters/faraday hermitages (a large old building full of “faraday cube”, or a settlement outside of town), to create a movement that might shelter those who aren’t dishonest people (dregvant, or druj). Any of these the ideas weaken the dishonest (druj-fae) and empower the decent people of the world.
Another good example of reverse social engineering is to create “sponsored refugee camps”, that replicate, evolve and go viral. This might set off a chain reaction of changes that greatly benefit the common decent folk of planet earth, rescuing them from a system that is doomed to cataclysmic failure anyway. Either way, it’s based on compassion, tempered with wisdom. In reverse social engineering, all you need is one intervention, perhaps by means of invention.
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Ummmm. But I wasn’t trying to start a coup when I got arrested. Nor was I trying to create a revolutionary movement. Hopefully this sets some of the record straight.
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Glossary:
"Dregvant" is a term in Zoroastrianism for a person who follows the "Lie" (Druj), or falsehood, and is therefore wicked and unrighteous. It is the opposite of "ashavan," a follower of truth. Zoroaster's teachings described a division between the two, with the dregvant actively choosing evil thoughts, words, and deeds. Meaning of the term: The Avestan word \(dregvant\) means "wicked" and is derived from druj, meaning "falsehood" or "lie". It is an ethical appellation for those who are unrighteous.
Those who are dregvant tend to get into positions close to the powerful, to corrupt them. And they create miserable oppressive societies that are awful for the “cattle class” of humanity, that is the common masses. They also corrupt women, turning some of them into shady, vile and malignant women, who work alongside them, and further corrupt more people. The dregvant harm the other women also, the normal ones. They hurt and corrupt them, use them up, and discard them. And they tend to create misery for the poor and dispossessed.
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Druj is the opposite of Asha. It is the principle of chaos and the lie that the malevolent forces of wickedness and darkness adhere to. It’s not a single lie but rather the concept of the lie itself and the concept of dishonesty itself. It is the forces of corruption (think rotting flesh), chaos and disorder.
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I need labels to use for people who are characterised by dishonesty, deception, manipulation and corruption, and druj and dregvant are good ones.
Also, the label “fae” is good too. Aka fairies, elves, fair folk etc. The hidden folk.
These people don’t like labels.
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I think that sorts stuff out.
I got crippled for 6 years, and hurt for many more, and I was basically a total innocent.
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Xi, Siobhan and Brynn know they’re in the wrong, but they’re trying to cover their arses. And they know they’re lying, but they still insist that things are other than that which they are. They pretend I wanted a coup, or was creating revolutionary ideologies, or trying to create a religion. They know I wasn’t.
But I wasn’t. I merely had ways of keeping myself occupied while I was very unwell. It was a pastime, and an intellectual exercise. While I was really, really unwell.
And my motivations when I got arrested were different to what they claim. As they all know (it was in the record). I actually wanted to expose wrong doing and the actions of the dishonest and wicked. As discussed above, it was about corruption and their mistreatment of me.
I’m just experiencing arbitrary violence at the hands of inane people (that’s inane, with an “N” not an “S”).
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Religion
I am not a Taoist.
I am not a Buddhist.
Siobhan falsely claimed, and acted like I was a Taoist. I’m not.
I’m not a Buddhist either. I’ve tried meditation before, through an app called “headspace” where I learned about several types of meditation. And I also read the book “Full Catastrophe Living” by John Kabat Zinn and tried out some of the exercises therein, including progressive relaxation and lying down meditation. It wasn’t my cup of tea, but I did learn a bit.
I was raised to be a good person, and to be morally decent. And I still try to be a good person, and morally decent. I was raised in a largely Christian subculture.
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Siobhan: I don’t know her very well, and I never did. I might have spent maybe a total of 10-15 minutes in conversation with her when we were in high school, if that. She just wasn’t important to me. She ran in different circles to me.
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Three useful concepts
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More information about my health
Back during 2016-2022, I couldn’t even floss my teeth. And I had issues washing my face sometimes around 2016-2018. I couldn’t shower. I even had to ration my “energy” when it came to things like sitting down into the toilet and standing up again. I had to engage in the most bizarre “accounting” for all of the actions I took, and engage in a massive amount old control over my body, just to survive. And I had a lot of trouble with things like my trousers and the toilet. I also couldn’t wash my backside properly, or often at all for 6-7 years. To wash my backside would cause me multiple days of “payback”. The issues with my torso were so severe I couldn’t wash. That part of my body. The skin there was weeping, as it was pressed together and also couldn’t be kept clean.
Ps: not energy, but capacity to generate “up” energy. Or stand tall.
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Alexander Technique
This is a work in progress, but it is very important.
I used to have bad issues with my back and breathing. This was well before I was totally crippled. One of the things I tried was the Alexander technique. I had tried everything conventional before that, such as physiotherapy, doctors, yoga, deep breathing, meditation. The cause of the tension was satellites and cell towers, unbeknownst to me. Anyway, my back was awful.
I found that Alexander technique sessions helped to relieve the tension. Dramatically. I would go to the sessions, and then feel so much better. Everything about me felt better. The constriction went away rapidly within just 10 seconds of being at the session. The reason that it worked so well, and created such immediate relief was that the people controlling the remote control let go of the tension!!
They meant that I could breathe again. And the constriction was gone. I could me again. After these sessions I’d have 2-3 days feeling good again. It was the only time I felt properly human. Also, they let my digestion work properly after these sessions (there was constant and/or frequent harm to my digestive system, resulting in things live severe, hard, dry stool).
And so I kept going. The sessions were the only things that helped me. At all.
I went to many, many session. They cost me a fair bit each time! But it was the only thing that improved my health. At one point I thought I could have fixed my health with them.
I think they weakened me long term though.
I saw many physiotherapists and doctors as well. I have other pages that talk about this.
Added:
Umm. I would go to a session, and within 10 seconds of them putting their hands on me to guide my posture and the way I was standing/sitting, I would feel immediately better. I could breathe again, and function normally. It was like magic. As it so happens, it was just that they reduced the remote control tension over my body, which was actually present 24/7.
And then they tightened the inner muscles of my body very strongly over the week that followed the lesson. They gave me one-two days of feeling better, and then retightened the muscles from the inside. This messed me up quite a bit over time! It was a kind of push pull dynamic. I was already screwed up anyway, from what they did to my muscles by remote control, and combining that with deliberately hurting me by physiotherapy*.
Note: the discussion of mind-body related topics can be pretty clumsy in the English language. Maybe there are limitations when it comes to language, posture and movement. Things like a discussion of consciousness, physiology, sensation, proposition and kinaesthetic awareness can be hard to put into words, particularly when one is being criticised, and is experiencing constant assault and harm. And also when other people are trying as hard as possible to misunderstand and misinterpret you.
Words are kind of limited in what they can do.
Particularly when you don’t have actual visual/video cameras on people, or trustworthy observers. And words are pretty limited when you don’t have an audio feed to allow people to hear your tone of voice. You can’t communicate using the sense of touch either, or via demonstration. And words can be quite limited if you don’t have a good faith, conversational tone. Or good rapport.
*more about this later: but they locked down my body from the inside, and kept giving me physiotherapy exercises that just hurt me. On purpose, when combined with the body being “locked down” from the inside. I did things like thoracic extensions, bird dogs, “longitudinal thoracic back stretch over rolled up towel”, and they all hurt me very badly. And they gave me stretches on a Swiss ball that hurt me too. Everything hurt me!
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Sperm and Reproduction
I thought that a lot of it had to do with sperm. That they wanted to hijack my life to be able to have high IQ babies.
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More Religion, dogma and superstition
I tried some eastern meditation and read about some Eastern stuff when I was younger.
I think that Christian materials are better. And the Abrahamic religions are better, and create better cultures that do better work downstream. The art is better, and the intellectual landscape created is better. But the stuff I did with meditation and the MBSR (full catastrophe living by John Kabat Zinn) I are okay. I did headspace sitting meditation and learned a lot. Also I learned a lot from the book “full catastrophe living”. And tried a few types of progressive relaxation and laying down meditation.
I learned a little bit about epistemology and philology (e.g. the difference between labels and things labelled) from the Tao Te Ching, but not much more. I also liked the ideas of naturalness, and Wu Wei. Which is that if you become a particular type of person, and work on who you are, that you can act naturally and spontaneously from your underlying nature. But I must admit that I had already had that idea from elsewhere.
I learned a fair bit from that stuff, regarding emotional and physical regulation. I also learned a bit about pain management and “awareness”. Especially about the awareness and conscious control over the body.
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Possibly I learned more about mind-body and the brain muscle connection, and all that stuff from boxing, judo, Muay Thai and karate though. As well as table tennis, and some of the physical education I received through school. Basic drills, and improving “muscle memory” works very well.
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I had to do a lot of mind/body self regulation, and also a lot of brain-muscle connection stuff just to survive what my life was like from 2016 to 2022. I learned a lot during that period of time.
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I rely very heavily on my inner monologue to think. If that doesn’t work, I can’t really think very well.
They keep on interrupting my inner monologue with their machines.
They seem to think that the thoughts, feelings and actions that occur when the inner monologue is interrupted are more representative of who and what you are.
But I see no reason to believe that their point of view is meritorious in the slightest. They have yet to provide me with any good evidence, or worthy arguments for their point of view being any good. Nor have they tried to persuade me that this point of view is any good by means of good faith conversation. Which I think is the most telling fact of all.
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Amanda Killed Cupcake
Also, Amanda took my favourite kitten (young cat) and had her killed by the vet, and then had the vet call me to tell me that my kitten, cupcake, had died after being hit by a car. I only found out recently.
I loved that cat.
She was the perfect cat, and the first one that was truly mine (we bought cupcake and umiboshi together). I adored her. I can’t understand why anyone would do that? Why would you even want to?
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